AIBU to think DP should contribute more?

[BikeMadMummyOf3]

AIBU here, pls tell me if I am. DP works 5 days a week as do I. We both have 'decent' paying jobs and live together. We have 4DC (I should change my name on here now LOL). I pay all the rent the council tax and 99% of the bills myself. He contributes £200 PM. I do majority of the cleaning ALL of the cooking and everything else. DP doesnt see an issue with this and told me I'm being selfish and 'money grabbing' to ask for more of a financial contribution to the house. Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place. AIBU?

Well done OP!

Now what?

Well you will be better off financially for a start. Council Tax discount, CMS from him, one adult less to feed.

Expect him to try to come back, because he won't find anywhere else to live for £200 a month. He is going to have to grow up fast but that is not your problem.

It might be difficult at first, but your future self will think you, and you have set a fabulous example to your kids that it is not OK to be treated like shit.

Also, change your skybox password.
Your joint bank account password
In fact your iCloud & all accounts that he doesn't pay for or should have access to.
Do NOT call him,
He does not waltz back in saying he has rights...(unless he has joint tenancy?) he can take all 4 children out together & spend time with them, but not in your home.
If this is definitive you will need to tell the school.
Talk to people in real life, for love & support

Does he know how much it costs to live these days?

You're not financially reliant on him so kick him out and let him find out how much 'real life' costs.

@BikeMadMummyOf3 how are you feeling this morning?

Hope you are OK.

There is already some great advice on here.

If he does try to come back and IF you want him back, you need to be absolutely clear on what are the terms E.g absolute financial transparency, 50/50 on all bills, housework and childcare.

You may be completely over him and yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. There is no doubt that he has been a CF with the pittance of a contribution he's made

Now you apy to see if you are entitled to any benefits and you set up a claim for child maintenance. You will probably be much better off financially. And it doesn't look like him not being around will have much impact on your life, accept you won't have a lazy selfish twat to pay for aswell.

I was in a very similar situation. He paid the rent and I paid for everything else. I did everything to do with the household and children and worked full time. He would collect dd from the childminder, that’s it! I would get home from work at 6-6.30 pm and have to make dinner. It wasn’t sustainable so I changed career to work from home, to make life more manageable.

We separated in 2016 and I have been so much happier since. Filed for divorce last week

Now what? Take a big deep breath is what! Expect to feel in shock for a bit. Even if this your choice it is a big change. Took me a week to feel anything at all after I asked my X-H to leave.
Following that I had a good clean and collected his stuff up to go (put it in the spare room until he could collect it). I spent a few weeks having to remind myself that I could do things my way…. Move things where I wanted them, have pretty pink bedding, read instead of watching TV in the evening, go to bed early…. Actually maybe it was months. Even now over 3 years in my gorgeous bedroom gives me a thrill… SO girly!

Then apply for single adult council tax. Then speak to him about maintenance and child contact. Try to be amicable and fair but don’t mistake “giving him everything he wants” for fair.

Give it 6 months, a year, a couple of years.. however long it takes…. To feel ready and then worry about whether you want to date or not

Work out how you'd prefer to split childcare.

Then ask him if he wants 50:50 split of the kids. When he says no, propose what you actually want and put in your CMS claim.

OP, he will be back soon when he realises how much harder it is to adult by yourself. Don't let him come back. You've got this.

He has saved himself a nice little nest egg sponging off you for all these years, so he's probably quite happy now (but it wont last so take comfort in that). He will use it to set himself up somewhere, and have minimal interaction with the kids, and play the bachelor again.

All previous advice is excellent, apply to child maintenance service today, claim the child benefit if your salary is under £50k, see if you are eligible for any other help, and claim the council tax reduction. Do change the locks for sure as he will try to sneak back in to take things. And be pleased the parasite is gone, he was using you. Onwards and upwards!

Well he'll have to pay more than £200 a month in child support.
What a loser, you're well rid.