AIBU to think DP should contribute more?

[BikeMadMummyOf3]

AIBU here, pls tell me if I am. DP works 5 days a week as do I. We both have 'decent' paying jobs and live together. We have 4DC (I should change my name on here now LOL). I pay all the rent the council tax and 99% of the bills myself. He contributes £200 PM. I do majority of the cleaning ALL of the cooking and everything else. DP doesnt see an issue with this and told me I'm being selfish and 'money grabbing' to ask for more of a financial contribution to the house. Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place. AIBU?

I don't understand why it's taken til now for you to even question this.

How did this arrangement even start?? Your life would be a bed of roses if he just fucked off! Can't you encourage him to have an affair or something? Just think how well off you'd be!

@NoSquirrels

He’d pay more than £50 per child in child maintenance if he didn’t live with you…

Not necessarily, it totally depends what he earns and whether or not he shacks up with someone who already has children, some men do this and the CMS they have to pay goes down as a result.

I would make a list of all of your outgoings and show him. If he still thinks he should only pay £200 pcm then he needs to go and pay rent and bills in another home and maintenance to you.

What the actual? So you support everyone and he pays less than a single man would have to for rent much less to feed himself and pay bills etc and he has a go at you when you ask him to pitch in a little more?? How did things get like this? I can’t see a single reason for not changing the locks on him, and instead of bagging his stuff and tossing it out to him you should probably just set it all on fire in front of him. Then claim child maintenance and you’ll have more money from him than before without having to spend any of it on him or put up with the asshole.

Wtf? Has he a golden cock? How did that happen?

Are you named on the rental or him? Is he named solely on anything. If it's you on the rental name only, pack his bags today for him and kick him out. You can no longer afford the food, bills etc for him living there. If it's his name on any of the bills tell him you are no longer paying for them as it is him liable for them only. Omg op you are literally being abused and taken for a ride. This is not a DP.

WTF? How did this happen?

£50 a week for accommodation, utilities, food, round the clock childcare, cleaning, laundry services?

I think you’d have to pay at least £1,500 a week for that! I agree with others; where is his money going? Dump, move on and claim CM etc.

Utterly shocking, you would be so much better off without him, the child maintenance alone he will have to pay for 4 children will be more than £200. Then you lose all the costs associated with him and get a council tax reduction. This is pure financial abuse, and the rest of it is emotional abuse and gaslighting. Please free yourself from this creature.

I don't understand how this situation has arisen?? And why it still stands?!

This has to be a wind up.

@Rainyday4321 exactly my thought

What does he do with his money?

On the positive side, you can clearly manage financially without him. I suggest you do that. Honestly, better men are available (and no man is far, far better than this one).

@Quartz2208

Tell him to leave OP - the potential 25% Council Tax reduction plus CMS you should get I suspect will leave you far better off financially and emotionally

Plus what you would save in food and utilities. You'll be miles better off financially if you boot him out.

There’s only one money grabber in your relationship!

You pay council tax and 99% of the bills.
Who pays the rent/mortgage?

Does he pay the mortgage on top of the £200 a month?
If so it may work out pretty even.

From what you’ve posted YANBU and I don’t even understand how you’re in this position.
Surely you have a joint account and both put the same percentage of your wage into that and pay the bills from the joint account.

Work out what the house is costing you each month - should be easy if you pay it all.

Tell him he owes you half of this for Feburary and you will expect the same again when he gets paid to cover March. No excuses.

If he refuses to pay he leaves. And do not cook do laundry etc for him, stop buying food for him - if he can't contribute he buys his own! until he coughs up. And you want it on standing order going forward.

How can you think you are being unreasonable to have to support another grown adult as well as your combined 4 children which from your username comment I assume are quite young! Whilst that grown adult is pulling in a full time wage and contributing less than his food bill!

What is his reason for thinking you're being money grabbing? It's so mind boggling.

Tell him to leave. Even if all he pays you is the bare minimum CMS, you'll still be better off. And he'll have to pay for his own bills which will be hilarious.

Tell him to go try and find a better deal.

You are being played, I'm sorry.

Will you marry me OP because it sounds like a great deal

What bills does he pay? You said you pay 99% but is his one bill a massive one that equals similar to what you pay?

You would get more from an actual lodger rather than this cock lodger.

If he has redeeming qualities, show him what 50% of the outgoings are, including all the annual costs and kids clothes/shoes/clubs etc and tell him what he needs to pay monthly.

If he doesn't, he can move out.

This can't be real.

I hope it isn't real.

Have you given him a budget of all household costs and a list of all household tasks ?

If not then do that and ask him what he thinks is a fair division in a partnership and why

This can't be real