AIBU to think DP should contribute more?

[BikeMadMummyOf3]

AIBU here, pls tell me if I am. DP works 5 days a week as do I. We both have 'decent' paying jobs and live together. We have 4DC (I should change my name on here now LOL). I pay all the rent the council tax and 99% of the bills myself. He contributes £200 PM. I do majority of the cleaning ALL of the cooking and everything else. DP doesnt see an issue with this and told me I'm being selfish and 'money grabbing' to ask for more of a financial contribution to the house. Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place. AIBU?

@Anniegetyourgun76

This can't be true!

It seems scarcely credible alright but then I regularly read things here that make me gasp. There are literally 18 year olds contributing more in their parents homes than this piece of shit.

@BikeMadMummyOf3

We have triplets and a single birth child. I've had 2 pregnancies. However that's not the point. Things werent always this way as at first we was both claiming benefits as a couple. When DT's started nursery he started working full time and me part time. Eventually I started full time too. We are both in jobs we love and earn roughly the same amount give or take £50. Our benefits were originally cut before stopping completely after us both working. He spends his money on crap! He will look after DC if I ask but I would usually come home and have to do things like cook clean etc. If he is looking after DC for the day, lunch consists of takeaway because he wont cook. Since posting this I have thought about what I'm going to say to him when he comes back later. I have nobody around here as I am in a city I'm not from and have no family here so feel like he is all I have but watch this space as I will be back to let you know how I get on!

Seriously OP

Wait until you've written it all down like littlegreenalien says.

He can't argue with it when it's there in black and white. Give him a copy to keep as well as having one yourself. Make sure you factor in a massive increase in energy costs too.

You can always say that you were drawing up a budget plan because of the impending massive hike in energy costs starting a month or so, if you want it to look less obvious.

There are literally 18 year olds contributing more in their parents homes than this piece of shit.

This is so true.

For friends with teenagers still living at home whilst in their first job, £50/week is the going rate round here. £200/per month works out at £46.15/week. He should be well and truly ashamed of his greed at your expense.

This is shocking. You'd be better off without him

This would be funny if it wasn't tragic. He pays £200 a month towards his bed, board, meals, four kids and bills?! 🤣
That's less than some teenagers on a PT job are expected to pay their parents. Is he saving his entire salary for a mortgage? Why are you not married- for financial reasons even?
YABU to ask him to contribute more. Why not switch roles for the next few years.

OP he is literally stealing from you and you children. In what universe could you consider that you are being unreasonable?

Leave him. Or better still make him leave. That's all.

I was in the exact same situation (but with 2 kids) and when I asked him to contribute more I had to give a penny by penny breakdown of every single outgoing. We're not married anymore 😁

You have 4 kids together and his contribution towards the family is $50pw? and he thinks anything more is you being greedy? .... how did you ever think this was fair?

I am stunned, without a word of a lie, stunned!

How can you even afford that? What does he do with the rest of his money?

Sounds like he is doing better than if he still lived with his parents TBH.

You cook, clean and provide for him. What he contributes doesn't even cover the expenses that would solely be for him.

That sounds like you are being like his parents. He pays a small amount of money to contribute, then you do everything for him. Keeping roof over his head, feed him, do cleaning for him, etc, etc.
I don't think it sounds like a healthy financial arrangement.

Absolutelt love this

What I want to know is who are the 2% of people who think you ARE BU???

OP why the fuck are you in a relationship with such a miserly, selfish, useless piece of shit?

@AryaStarkWolf
There was a poster up thread who said she put that as she was flabbergasted that the op puts up with it - so a Yabu in a 'of course Yanbu' style.

Where the fuck do these men crawl out from under?

ffs he's on a really good thing isn't he?

£200 and he gets to put his feet up whilst you pay and do everything

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@AryaStarkWolf
There was a poster up thread who said she put that as she was flabbergasted that the op puts up with it - so a Yabu in a 'of course Yanbu' style. [/quote]
ah ha, ok I agree with that too

Sod that you’d be better off single. He’d have to pay cms and you’d get more tax credits I would think

What's his reason for not paying half of the family living costs and not doing half of the childcare/housework?

So if you kicked him into touch theoretically you'd only be £200 'worse off'?

Deduct the amount of food he eats and utilities he uses per month and IMHO you'd probably be better off on your own. At least you wouldn't be the worse off. And although single parenting is physically taxing since you're 'doing it all', the emotional burden of doing it all whilst watching your DP sit on his arse is HUGE.

...and if he really thinks it's fair, tell him you'd like to switch roles.

So can put the bills/council tax/rent into his name so he can pay them all each month (plus any food bills). Of course you'll be delighted to give him £200/mth to cover your share...

Work out how much CMS he'll have to pay if you split up and then what it's going to cost him to house himself, pay bills, eat etc and present it to him as the alternative to contributing equally to the current household. You are in a no lose situation - you can easily reduce costs/receive benefits to make up the current £200 contribution (food and council tax reduction should easily do that). He on the other hand has his very cushy set up to lose.

Look on the bright side at least you can cope without him financially. Plus you'll get CM and benefits.

If no family nearby, do you have a support network of friends?

He is money grabbing. Not you.

Why does he expect you to contribute almost everything and that's fine. But if you want it to be even then you are money grabbing?

How have you ended up like this?

Honestly, just kick him out. He has shown you who he is and what he really thinks. It isnt going to get better even if you do start dragging money out of him. Just kick him out.

What does he do with the rest of his wages?

It's actually hard to believe he calls you money grabbing and selfish when he contributes what must be less than half the monthly rent and that's it full stop, nothing else. What a bastard.