AIBU to think DP should contribute more?

[BikeMadMummyOf3]

AIBU here, pls tell me if I am. DP works 5 days a week as do I. We both have 'decent' paying jobs and live together. We have 4DC (I should change my name on here now LOL). I pay all the rent the council tax and 99% of the bills myself. He contributes £200 PM. I do majority of the cleaning ALL of the cooking and everything else. DP doesnt see an issue with this and told me I'm being selfish and 'money grabbing' to ask for more of a financial contribution to the house. Hes now got me feeling like I ABU and guilty for even asking in the first place. AIBU?

@Jonagirl

Wtf? Has he a golden cock? How did that happen?

Golden? It'd need to be massive - at least9 inches, solid rhodium, chopped off and sold to make any sense at all. Get rid OP!

Split everything 50/50 if he continues to live with you.

I mean unless you are missing a big chunk of information like you earn 10 times his salary then no not unreasonable. Also he should be helping out regardless.

What?

Just what.

Have you missed something out of your op? Why don't you pay 50/50?

As it stands, your op is so absurd it makes zero sense.

I do not understand how this could be real

If he thinks changing the balance towards you would be money grabbing, I'd try and keep a straight face and ask him if he's sure he's not giving and doing too much and whether he thinks it might be fairer for him to give and do less. If so then what would he like to stop doing and how much does he think would be fairer? Is his company so magical that perhaps instead of him paying anything, does he want you to pay him for his valuable contribution to family life. Just because there are four DC and he gets a house and food, you don't want him to feel resentful as presumably he could pay for a house and feed himself for less than £200 pcm.

How did you come to the decision that he'd pay only £200 per month?
I paid my parents that when I was 18 and living with them with a very low paying job. But as a grown adult, with a partner, 4 children and a decent paying job? I don't understand how you came to this decision together?

Wow!! ... I'm assuming he's the father of the children. In which case write down everything you spend monthly - include rent, Council tax, utilities, food etc etc ... and tell him you need him to provide 50% of that as from next month. Add to the list of finances a list of things which will be "his" jobs from now on, including a good chunk of the child care tasks, cooking, cleaning, house maintenance etc.

He needs to start pulling his weight or ship out. You would be better off without him.

I really don’t understand these threads. OP surely there is no way in the world you really think you are being unreasonable!! You pay 99% of bills and do everything in the house. As if anyone is going to tell you that you’re being unreasonable. From your original post I think you need to have a clear, hard look at your life.

A grown man with children contributing, wait for it, £6.58 a day.

Come on!

Read your original post. Now answer the question.

Why on earth would you want to pay and do everything?

Why are bills not split?

Are all the children joint?

Time for a difficult and determined conversation.
Have the facts and figures at your fingertips.
His half of rent, Council Tax, car, broadband, insurance etc etc is £xxx
Don't beg or plead. Pure facts. He pays or he goes. Present a payment date for his half to be in the bills account.
Look up what his CMS payment would be and rental price for a flat nearby. Tell him those figures.
This is financial abuse.
Good luck op and stay strong. xx

Where does the rest if his money go?

I put YABU because I'm sorry I think you're a fool for putting up with this. I can't believe he has suddenly become so awful after the 4th child so wtf have you had so many children with this tosser.

God I'm getting so bored of hearing this kind of story on MN.

YANBU to think he should contribute (seems all he contributes is sperm and a measly £200 a month). Why on earth have you allowed this situation to happen though? What does he actually spend his money on?

YABU for having more children with him after the first one (unless twins).

You absolutely must take the time to draw up a list of the family's monthly expenses by yourself without any interference from him.

Rent
Food + school lunches money if your kids don't have packed lunches
Toiletries/Cleaning materials
Gas
Electric
Council Tax
Water Rates
Childcare
Childrens clothing
Childrens haircuts
Childrens weekly pocket money/school bus fares if relevant

Do a spreadsheet or handwrite it. Tot it all up and split it 50/50.

Present him with his copy and ask him why he's not prepared to pay his 50% ? Why has he been knowingly underpaying for years and letting you pay much more than your fair share ? I'll tell you why, because HE is "money grabbing". it's just that he's doing it by stealth by not contributing his share. Do you think he's been putting some of his earnings into savings in just his name or pension ? Whatever his excuse is, he's financially abusing you and the children. Think about that. Abusing you and the children, albeit financially.

Point out that you'd be highly likely to get more than £200/month in child maintenance if you split up and he'd have to pay rent/utilities/food on top of that if you're no longer living together. Meanwhile, your household food bills would reduce and you'd be able to claim single person discount on the council tax bill for the place that you rent. So you and the children would potentially be much better off financially.

Be prepared for a surly response though. He's got used to a certain level of personal spending money and won't want to have to economise.

I couldn't bring myself to have 1 child, let alone 4 with such a financially abusive man.

Golden? It'd need to be massive - at least9 inches, solid rhodium, chopped off and sold to make any sense at all. Get rid OP!

That made me laugh!

This cannot be real. Someone who behaves like this and then makes you believe you’re unreasonable to ask for more is not someone you need in your life

Why oh why would he think that’s ok?

I think you ought to sit him down with a local rental page from rightmove and ask him to find himself a rental that offers full board, cleaning, washing, utilities, council tax and sex for what he is paying. Tell him it’s not for him , it’s for you to move to, on your own.

Then tell him to start setting up direct debits to cover the true cost of his living expenses.

Whaaaaat?????

OP, I think you know the answer. He is taking the piss, outrageously. You'd be better off with a lodger, and proper CSA-enforced maintenance for the children.

So his total contribution to the house and his children is £200 a month? I presume he eats, uses electricity, etc out of that too so he's not even covering himself.

How can he look himself in the mirror? How can you look at him without giving him a smack?

How long has this been going on for? What happened during your maternity leaves?

And what happened when you laughed in his face and told him he’s the money grabbing scrounger who refuses to pay his way?

Honestly my mind is boggled as to HOW he has got you thinking you’re unreasonable here. All he has to say is that you’re ‘money grabbing’ and you shuffle off shame faced, back to paying all his bills?! Come on woman!