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AIBU?

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Original poster

My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

395 replies

Star54 · 09/02/2022 17:56

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 09/02/2022 17:58

I think you need to speak to a solicitor for advice and then definitely leave him. He sounds like a very selfish man.

HollowTalk · 09/02/2022 17:59

Oh god, he's a prince amongst men, isn't he? He's taking £700 off you when you have children together and have been together so long? I wouldn't give him another penny.

HollowTalk · 09/02/2022 18:00

I would never normally say this but if you have a joint account I would empty it and go.

AlDanvers · 09/02/2022 18:00

You paid him £700 pm month for 30 years? And your name isn't on it? £252,000.00?

Legally there is no 'your share of the house'. You could engage a legal assistance and see if you could get some, but it's going to be expensive.

He had it when you met, but also its been 30 years! What's to stop him selling out from under 'the family'

QforCucumber · 09/02/2022 18:02

If the mortgage is cleared why are you still paying?!

tothemoonandbackbuses · 09/02/2022 18:02

I presume you paid by bank transfer?
I would go and see a solicitor. Without telling him.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 09/02/2022 18:03

I would also see a solicitor. I believe if you can show you have contributed to the mortgage, paid repair bills or otherwise for the upkeep of the house, you do have a claim on part of the value even if not married.

If you aren’t planning to leave my concern would what would happen if he dies tomorrow- will you be homeless? Or have to contest a will or probate for your share?
Does he have a will? I would suggest he at least leaves it to your children, with you having a life interest, if he’s adamant he won’t leave it to you outright.

See a solicitor and see where you stand.

I’d also start putting that £700 in your pension rather than his house.

rightsideoftheroad · 09/02/2022 18:04

What's the £700 for?

Lockheart · 09/02/2022 18:05

So you are not married and your name is not on the deeds to the house?

It is highly unlikely you could take anything from him if you walked away, if the above is true. You've effectively given him a free gift of £700 per month.

Planetzero · 09/02/2022 18:07

What does he pay towards the house per month?

Fairylightsongs · 09/02/2022 18:07

Op, if you rented for thirty years do you feel you’d be entitled to the house. This is no different. It’s his, yoire not married, you have no entitlement, it’s just like paying rent.

AllOfUsAreDead · 09/02/2022 18:07

Maybe try and convince him to get married? Doubt it will work though now.

Beamur · 09/02/2022 18:07

Does he even have a mortgage or is he just fleecing you out of hundreds of pounds every month?

Fairylightsongs · 09/02/2022 18:07

@Lockheart

So you are not married and your name is not on the deeds to the house?

It is highly unlikely you could take anything from him if you walked away, if the above is true. You've effectively given him a free gift of £700 per month.

No she hasn’t, she’s paid rent to live there.
torquewench · 09/02/2022 18:08

Wow. Phone a solicitor first thing tomorrow and get some proper legal advice.

Inspectorslack · 09/02/2022 18:08

Op you need legal advice.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 09/02/2022 18:10

Sigh. And if he drops dead tomorrow, you know you don’t automatically get the right to stay in the house right?

Why do intelligent women put themselves in this position!? You must have half a brain cell if you’re in a job, any job, so why haven’t you demanded your rights to the house to be married in thirty bloody years!?

Ionlydomassiveones · 09/02/2022 18:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Dillydollydingdong · 09/02/2022 18:12

Like everyone is saying, you have no rights unless you are married or have your name on the deeds. You've spent all these years paying him £700 per month. He's a clever sod isn't he? He's done you over like a kipper.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 09/02/2022 18:12

Found this on a quick google from silkfamilylaw

There is a limited exception to these rules if you and your ex partner have been engaged. Even if you cannot demonstrate a common intention to share ownership, if you have made payments toward the mortgage or any other substantial contribution as described above, you may be treated as having acquired an equitable interest in the property

TyrannysaurusXXrightshoarder · 09/02/2022 18:13

Your GBP700.00 per month may be considered a ‘Beneficial Interest’ in the property. But you’d probably have to go to court to prove that. See a solicitor as soon as possible…..

Fairylightsongs · 09/02/2022 18:14

@rightsideoftheroad

What's the £700 for?
Rent?
ToykotoLosAngeles · 09/02/2022 18:14

@Ionlydomassiveones

Yeah he’s fleeced you for the last 30 years to feather his own nest. I would get papers drawn up at a solicitors - get him to sign by whatever means necessary then divorce the selfish fuck.
This is the problem. They're not married and it's his house!
buddylicious · 09/02/2022 18:14

Is this the same house that he had when you met?

coodawoodashooda · 09/02/2022 18:17

Definitely don't tell him you are going to a solicitor.

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