Page 5 | My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

Dixiechickonhols · 09/02/2022 20:12

Thoosa yes I know she’s unmarried. There were a few posts to say house couldn’t be sold and she should register her ‘rights’ I was posting to say she can’t.

Canigooutyet · 09/02/2022 20:14

@Jvg33

You do have rights op! Go and speak to a solicitor. Do not move out of the house - he can't make you legally. You have enough proof through bank statements. Go and get what is yours! Just have to believe in yourself.

Why do you think he cannot just kick her out? She's not named on anything so he could quite easily change the locks. It's one of the benefits of living with someone who isn't named on deed/mortgage/rental agreement.

ambushedbywine · 09/02/2022 20:16

Absolutely see a solicitor asap before doing ANYTHING. I'm not a lawyer but I understand there is a possibility of gaining an interest in the house. You really need proper legal advice. Don't split up or discuss it with him until you know the legal situation.

RandomLondoner · 09/02/2022 20:16

@QforCucumber

I’m intrigued *@RandomLondoner*, this years your ex partner contributed nothing, we’re those years she wasn’t working while raising your joint children by any chance?

No. She was just starting her career and had negligible earnings compared to me. She's never been a SAHP. (Many years later, when DD was born, she did lose 1.5 months pay due to three months of maternity leave at half pay. That was after three months of maternity at full pay.)

DrSbaitso · 09/02/2022 20:17

@Staryflight445

You’ve got to be so careful when owning your own home and moving in with someone and taking money from them. Your partner is obviously very silly to not realise this.

You think he doesn't know what he's doing?

SapatSea · 09/02/2022 20:18

Seek out any invoices and bank statements with correspoding amounts that you paid out for specific improvements to the house as that can help prove beneficial interest. It may be hard to prove you were paying towards the mortage as mortgage companies only accept money transfers from the named account holder. The children have grown up so you can't se them to make a claim. You have been had. I hope you are able to leave and make a fresh life for yourself.

mermaidsvssuperheros · 09/02/2022 20:20

@Star54

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

(declaration – I am not a lawyer -I have just had experience of this myself)

there is some info on this site here:

familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/property-rights-for-unmarried-couples/

look up something in law called: Beneficial Interest it's about when a non married couple - one owns property - however the other has contributed physically [diy work on the house etc...] financially to the running/upkeep etc...

How do you prove beneficial interest in property?

You would need to show that you have acted to your detriment as you believed that you owned a share in the property.
This can be most obvious in the form of financial contributions, such as paying the mortgage or improvements to the property but also may be via contributions to the family life.

england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/occupation_rights_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner#title-1

Delphigirl · 09/02/2022 20:21

Pretty difficult to argue that your £700 was a contribution to the mortgage if you have continued paying it for years after the mortgage was paid off. I think you are in a very difficult position I’m afraid OP.

KnobJockey · 09/02/2022 20:21

What happens if you just refuse to pay any more?
Can you push him towards marriage quickly?

mermaidsvssuperheros · 09/02/2022 20:31

£700 can stil be current running costs - can still use this with Beneficial iInterest and it doesn't matter the children are grow up-this just shows how long it's been going on.

shelter have some great advice.

please speak to a lawyer and DONT say anything to partner...

I wish you all the best - Stay Strong

alwaysontheloo · 09/02/2022 20:33

@RandomLondoner can you read the panic in the OP?

Can you imagine that's how your 'soon-to-be-ex-partner' might feel? You know the one that gave birth to your children and no doubt raised them?

Because I mean only a cold, hard-hearted mercenary cunt would have taken that money all those years, whilst doing his little calculations, and would now turf the mother of his children out onto the streets with nothing after a lifetime together.
And you're not like that are you?

Bumpy23 · 09/02/2022 20:34

I think the fact you have contributed to the family pot- along with children it should stand you in hope of claiming something. Whilst there's no mortgage now, was there?

I think you need legal advice- but I'd be getting your ducks in row and then getting out.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/02/2022 20:37

@KnobJockey

What happens if you just refuse to pay any more? Can you push him towards marriage quickly?

For the love of god, would people please stop encouraging the OP to give her partner any sort of ultimatum at the moment? If her DP kicks her out, she will lose everything. She must speak to a solicitor and understand her options before she confronts him.

SarahDarah · 09/02/2022 20:39

@HotToddyColdSauvignon

Sigh. And if he drops dead tomorrow, you know you don’t automatically get the right to stay in the house right?

Why do intelligent women put themselves in this position!? You must have half a brain cell if you’re in a job, any job, so why haven’t you demanded your rights to the house to be married in thirty bloody years!?

This. Women are their own worst enemy when it comes to men. Unbelievable how foolishly some women who are otherwise very intelligent, can behave. She wouldn't have accepted that treatment from a stranger, yet accepts it from someone who's supposedly meant to care about her the most.

@Star54 you Should have left him decades ago but not too late now to leave him if he won't marry.

BoredZelda · 09/02/2022 20:40

2. She wouldn’t have to provide sex and domestic services to the landlord

3. She wouldn’t have to share the house with the landlord, let alone her bed.

Why are people suggesting sex has anything to do with it? Because she had sex with him, she shouldn’t have to pay to live in the house? I’m sure there is a word for that.

In any case, if you pay something for 30 years without question, seems unreasonable to suddenly decide it was a bad idea and try to claim it all back.

M0RVEN · 09/02/2022 20:47

Why are people suggesting sex has anything to do with it? Because she had sex with him, she shouldn’t have to pay to live in the house? I’m sure there is a word for that

You are putting words into my mouth, I didn’t say that.

I was replying to the person who said it was the same as renting. You can tell that because I’ve included their post at the top of mine.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/02/2022 20:47

On the positive side you are working op so have funds for legal advice and could potentially move out and rent.
Are your adult children aware of situation?
Final thing to check he’s not married is he? Eg not got around to divorce (have known cases where long term partner was married someone else - happened to a lady on mumsnet recently her 20 yr relationship partner died no will but had a wife - lady was left in a right mess)

myusernamewastakenbyme · 09/02/2022 20:57

I'd love to read these comments if the genders were reversed and Op owned the house...im pretty sure everyone would be telling her it is her asset and her dh is entitled to nothing.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 09/02/2022 20:58

I agree he’s done you up like a kipper you need a solicitor and find out the legalities before you decide anything.

Hawkins001 · 09/02/2022 20:59

@Star54

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

What do you want to achieve from your partner ?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/02/2022 21:02

@myusernamewastakenbyme

I'd love to read these comments if the genders were reversed and Op owned the house...im pretty sure everyone would be telling her it is her asset and her dh is entitled to nothing.

I've already posted that my DH and I were in the same situation, but with the sexes reversed. I didn't expect him to subside my mortgage because I am not a twat.

AlDanvers · 09/02/2022 21:03

@myusernamewastakenbyme

I'd love to read these comments if the genders were reversed and Op owned the house...im pretty sure everyone would be telling her it is her asset and her dh is entitled to nothing.

Until a woman posts that she has charged her partner several hundred thousands of pounds, we wont ever know.

Dp lives in my house. The difference is, that because I earn a lot more, he pays towards bills and food. Nothing towards the house.

We have a legal agreement in place so no one is confused, no one can believe they own some. He is better off because he lives with me and can assure his own financial future. My wages mean he has more financial freedom.

But also he is aware I won't marry him. I havent got engaged, carried taking a big sum of money off him, whilst leading him to believe I will marry and share my assets.

That's usually a big difference when the sees are reversed. That woman rarely tell men they will marry them and share assets when they have no intention of doing so.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2022 21:06

He's been ripping you off for 30 years.

christinarossetti19 · 09/02/2022 21:07

I agree with the suggestions to get specialist legal advice.

Also to sit down and work out your current finances - on your salary, what sort of place would you be able to afford to rent etc?

It may be that you have no claim to the house, but you do have claim on your own life and future.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2022 21:07

Sorry, but you've been an idiot. Empty all banks accounts into yours then see a solicitor.

30 years of this? Blimey. Take a good look at yourself.