My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

[Star54]

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

I put YABU because in all honesty I think you’ve been bloody stupid.

You’re engaged? Just marry him and do it quickly. No prenup. Then you don’t need your name on the deeds.

Your name doesn’t need to be on a Morgage but it needs to be on land register this can take a while. Best way is to higher a solicitor to draw papers to arrange this. If he refuses it can go to court if need be. You could say to him it’s to ensure your childrens inheritance.

Just seen that this is from ages ago so no idea why MN is putting it on FB like it’s some new topic…? 🙄🤷‍♀️

out of curiosity @Star54 what was the outcome?

If you’re not married, who gets the house if/when he dies?

Oh, so is that why we get so many Zombie threads revived, because Mumsnet is putting zombie threads up on Facebook? TBH I didn't even realise Mumsnet had a Facebook page. Bloody annoying.

Depends. Is there a will. Or no will then he is intestate

Only married or civil partners married or in cohabitation at time of death and some other close relatives can inherit under the rules of intestacy.

Cohabiting partners who were neither married nor in a civil partnership can't inherit under the rules of intestacy. There is no automatic rights afforded to common law wife it is a commonly held but false belief.

You have made a huge investment over the years into a completely unsecured asset. I really strongly advise you to take legal advice because you risk losing a lot here. I don't think anyone in an online forum can advise as details will be important here.

Don’t stop paying and don’t say anything to him.
go to a solicitor and get advice.

There is a chance of beneficial interest if you’ve paid towards the upkeep and having specifically signed that away but you would need proper individual legal advice.

This is a play your cards close to your chest sort of situation.

I honestly cannot fathom why this has only just become a problem after 30 years.

if you were renting a property you'd have had to pay more than £700, what's the difference?

What a sad waste of 30+ years of your life OP. Don't waste a second more on this shit-bag.

This.

He’s taken all the power and money and deliberately put you in a very vulnerable position.

See a solicitor. Decide if you want to stay with him. If you do, get married and insist your name is added to the house deeds. If you don’t, ask your solicitor if there’s any realistic chance of claiming any entitlement to the house ie arguing that you have a beneficial interest in the house, created by an implied trust. I suspect there isn’t and that you’ve just been paying rent and the money is gone, but it’s worth asking.

Really? The difference is that they raised a family together and she didn’t rent. She also likely would have just bought her own home.

By your logic you could probably say that if he wanted kids he should have paid for a surrogate.

I mean if he were to rent a womb he’d have had to have paid more than ‘zero’, what’s the difference?

@RandomLondoner well she’s better off now, even if not financially, because she’s away from you. Thank god.

What does he spend YOUR £700 per month if he's not paying a mortgage?

Get legal advice and get the hell out of there.

I’m fighting something similar at the mo. In my case I can prove there was a common intention to share. I wasn’t on the deeds as I didn’t have a job. I wasn’t legally married either. You will likely have a case for beneficial ownership but it will be expensive legally. Please go through every single bank statement and highlight every payment made to him to discharge the mortgage. Best of luck. You should and can fight this!!

What a ridiculous state to have got into. Youre trapped into living there. You can't divorce and force a sale and get half. basically he gets to keep it. What were you thinking? If youre in scotland i think things are a bit different?

No. You are incorrect. He can't just kick her out. He needs a court order.

No it’s not different in Scotland, there’s no such thing as a common law spouse. The government have specifically said that they do not wish to impose the responsibilities of marriage on couples who have chosen to live together without them.

Which seems fair enough to me TBH, people should be free to make that choice, as the Op and her partner have done.

My point was that the OP must surely have thought about the situation they put themselves into sooner than 30 years down the line. Honestly I despair of people on here saying "the man put them in that situation".

no the OP is an adult, have they been walking around in dream-like state for the past 30 years.

If you can prove that following an injection of capital/cash into the property (£700) you did so believing that there was an agreement or understanding that this was in return for a beneficial interest in the property and therefore you expect to receive this capital back when the relationship breaks down.

www.familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/property-rights-for-unmarried-couples