My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

[Star54]

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

@XingMing

While I sympathize with the OP, I think there are some barracks lawyers touting here.

@XingMing - yep agreed. But far better for OP to get legal advice rather than lie down and take it.

Yet again, the level of ignorance about the rights of spouses / cohabitees horrifies me

For some people, it's better to marry. For some, it's not. People should make informed decisions, so they know where they stand

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.

On what legal basis is she entitled to a payout then? And do you have any idea what it would cost (emotionally and financially) to take her side through court? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Also, how does one leave illegally?

@Mikey87 do you also believe that lodgers can 'lawyer up' and demand a pay out from their landlords for their share of the house they have been paying to live in?

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.

I can't believe you wrote this nonsense.

I actually am a lawyer. Most of what is on here is wrong.

Take your case to a solicitor or direct access barrister. Depending on the exact facts of your case, you may have an equitable interest in the property. If you do, then make sure you put a restriction and a notice on the title to protect your interest. Yes it will cost by our money, but you have to spend money to get money sometimes. If by spending £2k on lawyers you secure a £100k interest in a house (figures made up!) surely that's worth it?

If you have paid towards the house, I.e through bill renovations etc, you maybe able to get some money out of the house. The woman in question should lawyer up. She may well lose money but she may also gain a lot. It's all to do whether she can prove she has been contributing and gets a solicitor who knows what they are talking about. It doesn't hurt to enquire. I also personally know someone who had to pay a percentage if his home to an ex partner and they were never married.

@Mikey87

You should not stay with someone due to money. If you leave legally you are entitled to a pay out, although not married you have lived together for 30 years. Any court of law will see your side. Move away and lawyer up, you will be OK.

Not true

Talk to your children. (l am assuming they are joint with your partner.)

Stop right now, thank you very much. I mean stop the payments, get legal advice and move out. He is very clever. Selfish man. where is the love ? Anway, we know the answer to that. Get legal agreement to move forward with this man, or move out. What would Judge Judy say? She won't be impressed with you.

Hello, just wanted to note that this is a thread from February 2022.
MNHQ

This simply isn’t true - contributions towards the mortgage would be seen as rent, not as any intention to derive an interest in the property.

Only a contribution to the original purchase, or to home improvements might be considered as potentially giving rise to an implied trust.

I do wish people with no understanding of this complex area of the law would refrain from spouting these ill-informed opinions.

I also wish people realised there is no such thing as common law etc you are either legally married or you aren't

Last year my friend and I were looking for new jobs and we work in the same field but at different workplaces and have had differing career paths (my last job was at a really interesting workplace that probably helped me to get interviews). I think there was one job that we both applied to independently and another that I’d shared with her as whilst I’d applied, I wasn’t overly excited about the employer. I got interviews for both jobs, came second place to an internal candidate in one and pulled out of the process after interview in the other. My point is that we were open and honest about the roles we were applying to and shared interesting jobs with each other. We both found new jobs and our friendship is intact!

That is very different to your situation and I don’t think you can consider her to be a close friend now. I guess the best you can hope for is for her to fail completely and the job comes up again but that’s not a nice option really.

I really hope that you find a better job with an even nicer employer, the job market is fast moving - get yourself on LinkedIn and set up job alerts.

Sorry but YABU there is no way i'd be adding someone to a mortgage that was solely in my name.

How come you didnt have your own mortgage?

You could have given him £1000000 a month
but you are still not entitled to the house
You left him twice - so why would he put your name on the house?
and you say you only got back with him because of your lack of finances and he knew that

You chose to give him £700 a month he didn’t force you

You did this knowingly-
If your name is not on the deeds.. there is nothing a court can do -forget these other comments giving false hope

If you are not named on the deeds and you are not married you are entitled to nothing . It’s sad you spent so much and shared this home but that’s just how it is and any Google search will tell u the same

No such thing as common law wife either . Best mate went through the same

Rent and bills I assume, as she doesn't own the property.

best mate went to see citizens advice and she saw a solicitor because she has been living with her partner for 30 years he dumped her for another woman and has asked to move out solicitor and citizens advice have told her she is entitled to nothing

He will argue the £700 is rent and tbh it’s a reasonable assertion. Where else would you get a family home for £700 pm
He is a very calculated man who has left you in a precarious position

He sounds awful.

Here’s government info re common law marriage (ie living together). The fact is, if he pops his clogs and you manage to inherit the home you’ll be liable for inheritance tax (you would be liable for this tax if you were married). Which in itself puts you in a precarious position.

As for entitlement to a share of the home at this stage, seek legal advise. What an awful situ to be in now. But please stop giving him money.

Whoops. Here’s the actual link!
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

The several years where she contributed nothing? Were they the years she was having and looking after your children? Did you pay her for that?

ZOMBIE THREAD

This. This situation is entirely of OPs making. I’m afraid I have no sympathy

@RandomLondoner so despite having no mortgage costs you charged the mother of your children £700 a month? That's just gross, total fanny shriveller, can't believe she lasted as long as she did before leaving you.