Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
TippledPink · 09/02/2022 09:56

I don't think it was cheeky fuckery, you didn't pay so you are the cheeky fuckery one 😂. She should have said something earlier though, I would have! How was it written, in a jokey way?

Chocomelon · 09/02/2022 09:57

£120 is a lot of money to not pay back so I can understand her not wanting to spend more money on a gift (and £120 is a generous gift!) but she could have just asked before

It's not CFery no. Is think the person not paying for the ticket is the CF tbh

SprayedWithDettol · 09/02/2022 09:58

It’s not something I could do but I admire her moxie!

Chocomelon · 09/02/2022 09:58

Yes why would you think she is the CF when you didn't pay her? Confused

Aprilx · 09/02/2022 09:59

I think it is something, vindictive maybe? Certainly not very nice but it isn’t CF. That was you back then. But this was not the time to bring it up.

Rossnagoose · 09/02/2022 10:00

Surely you’re the CF in this scenario, magically forgetting to repay £120 for eight years?

Fairylightsongs · 09/02/2022 10:00

I think she isn’t thr cheeky one.,,

Sausagedogsarethebest · 09/02/2022 10:01

Well it's obviously stayed in the forefront of her mind for her to do that. I wonder why she never said anything sooner?

Horseradish01 · 09/02/2022 10:01

I don’t think it’s CFery but I do think it’s passive aggressive and petty. Has she been seething for 8 years rather than just ask for the money? Then chooses your wedding day to make a point Hmm

takealettermsjones · 09/02/2022 10:01

That's hilarious! She was obviously seething for years 😂

If you're really good friends I think it's a bit weird not to just say "oi Checkered, can I have that money back?", and now she's made it into something you feel guilty about just after your wedding... But I honestly think it's funny.

Ring her up, say "touche" and apologise for forgetting, and go out for a margarita Grin

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:01

@TippledPink

I don't think it was cheeky fuckery, you didn't pay so you are the cheeky fuckery one 😂. She should have said something earlier though, I would have! How was it written, in a jokey way?
Oh I know! It’s excusable! I never not pay for anything, ever! I really can’t remember what happened and why I didn’t pay her.

Not jokey, and not bitter. A very simple message saying in lieu of a wedding gift, she was retrospectively gifting me those tickets.

Thing is there have been times that she has owed me things (we book things for each other regularly), and she never once said “oh, you still owe me for those tickets so call it even”. Hence why I was surprised at the approach!

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 09/02/2022 10:02

It’s a little cheeky but the cheekiness rests almost entirely with you for not paying her back in the first place

WulyJmpr · 09/02/2022 10:02

Wow. She is clearly of the opinion that revenge is a dish best served extremely cold.

litlealligator · 09/02/2022 10:02

It's super rude if she's never actually asked you for the money.

LH1987 · 09/02/2022 10:03

That’s really funny. She has obviously been stewing on it for 8 years and took this as her opportunity. I wouldn’t do it but it did make me laugh.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 09/02/2022 10:04

I don't think it's CFery but why did she wait this long to bring it up? I think it's a bit odd that it clearly still annoys her but she has kept quiet for 8 years. Confused

Whinge · 09/02/2022 10:04

Have you paid her back since she reminded you in the wedding card?

I don't understand how you could think she's been a CF. I'm guessing there must have been other times in the last 8 years where she mentioned you haven't paid for the tickets. It's not really the sort of thing you keep quiet about and then decide to mention in a wedding card 8 years later.

MuddlingThrough1724 · 09/02/2022 10:04

Why on earth did she stew on that for 8 years!?? Its clearly an issue for her if she's bringing it up now after not mentioning once in all that time! I'd say it's very passive aggressive and uncalled for! It isn't like you've not seen her or spoken to her I the time between presumably? Why on earth didn't she bring it up after the concert instead of waiting 8 years then making it a thing on your wedding day?! Yes, you should have paid for your ticket, and been more proactive in doing so, but she is equally to blame for not reminding you at all!

ChateauMargaux · 09/02/2022 10:05

It is a very strange way of approaching it... if she has really spent the last 8 years stewing over this.. how are you still friends?

TerryChoc · 09/02/2022 10:05

Don’t think it’s CF to bring it up but I certainly think she could have mentioned this another time if it was bothering her. Now one of your significant memories of your big day is this “gift”.
Not nice at all and would consider her a CF if it was me.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/02/2022 10:06

Sounds like the sort of thing someone would be advised to do on mumsnet.com.

You know. " I've been invited to a wedding of a great friend. We are really good friends but years ago we went to a concert with really expensive tickets £120, and she's never paid me back.

I really don't want to buy an expensive wedding gift, and would never spend as much as £120

NYnewstart · 09/02/2022 10:06

@Horseradish01

I don’t think it’s CFery but I do think it’s passive aggressive and petty. Has she been seething for 8 years rather than just ask for the money? Then chooses your wedding day to make a point Hmm
This
TerribleCustomerCervix · 09/02/2022 10:06

£120?!?!?

£30-40, I could almost understand if you had that kind of relationship where you were regularly buying stuff for each other in the knowledge that it all works out in the end.

But £120 is ridiculous.

Fair play to your friend for making the point, not enough people have the balls to do that.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:07

I know, I am entirely in the wrong for never paying back. I don’t disagree at all.

I’m just amused that she didn’t say anything for 8 years and then mentioned it on the wedding day (well, day after when we opened the cards).

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/02/2022 10:08

I think that would be about £200 now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread