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Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
Silvetmoon · 09/02/2022 10:24

I don’t know what to say. This is such bizarre behaviour from your friend!

TigerLilyTail · 09/02/2022 10:25

Eight years!? Wow!

That's impressive and slightly worrying.

Maybe you should check if she has any other grudges against you just in case.

burnoutbabe · 09/02/2022 10:25

I mean you could say "hang on, i wrote you a cheque for £200 back in Octovber 2019", that was me repaying you :D

Hoppinggreen · 09/02/2022 10:26

I like her

irishfarmer · 09/02/2022 10:28

Its a weird way of doing it. I have one friend who is a nightmare for forgetting to pay, it really is forgetting not trying to get out of it. We just remind her!! Not wait 8 years and suddenly stick it in her wedding card. It's weird

paname · 09/02/2022 10:28

Eeek! That's really unpleasant behaviour. It was clearly an oversight on your part and she should have said something. I'd have to ask her why she didn't especially if you book things for each other all the time. Someone that chose your wedding day to bring this mistaken debt up is a bit of a scary person really! I think I'd pay her the money back and let the friendship cool. She's mad if she thinks this won't affect your friendship.

Honeyroar · 09/02/2022 10:29

It’s the sort of thing id do with someone I didn’t know well. Be too shy to ask and silently seethe for ages then blow up at some inappropriate time - so I look the nutter! But with a good friend - how strange that she didn’t ask you for the money!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/02/2022 10:31

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive or rude, I think it’s fair enough and quite funny!

I don’t think she’s been holding a grudge - she probably knew you’d forgotten and didn’t care about it enough to bring it up.
But just as she was about to put £100 in a card she probably remembered you owed her £120 and thought well that’s sorted then!

I think this as well. She wasn't stewing over it, but when it came to the time, she realised that she'd already got that one 'banked' in her favour and would be a fool to hand over more money to you rather than to take the opportunity to redress the balance.

I'm quite staggered that you would just 'forget' to repay £120 to a friend. How did it ever get to eight years? It must have been fresh in your mind at the time, and for weeks afterwards, that you'd had a wonderful evening out but had yet to pay for it. It's not much of an excuse putting the onus on her to chase it in the first place.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/02/2022 10:31

bold fail

LeavingTheParty · 09/02/2022 10:32

She’s a weirdo. Some people feel awkward asking for money that’s owed to them, but she’s clearly not one of those people if she has the ‘confidence’ to do this. So I think she’s just quite nasty. Why on earth didn’t she just mention it at some point before instead of making an issue around your wedding day. She just sounds like a bit of a nob, not someone I could be friends with. I like people who are straightforward.

In your position, I would send her the money and just let contact naturally reduce. I think I’d always feel like I was waiting for her to throw something back at me from years ago that she’s been saving up and that’s not what friendships are about.

thisplaceisweird · 09/02/2022 10:32

Really unfair to do this on your wedding. Fine if she had messaged a couple of weeks before 'I won't be getting you a gift by the way because of those tickets...' but to make this part of your actual wedding day is petty.

2bazookas · 09/02/2022 10:32

I think you cheated at cards but she played her hand well and trumped you. Fair do's, even stevens.

You got the wedding gift you deserve; the money you owed her returned to her pocket; now the air is cleared, you can continue the friendship and enjoy seeing each other at the wedding. Good result all round.

You should treasure your friend for being fun, generous, astute, clever, and fair.

Rossnagoose · 09/02/2022 10:32

@JemimaTiggywinkle

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive or rude, I think it’s fair enough and quite funny!

I don’t think she’s been holding a grudge - she probably knew you’d forgotten and didn’t care about it enough to bring it up.
But just as she was about to put £100 in a card she probably remembered you owed her £120 and thought well that’s sorted then!

That seems the likeliest explanation to me.
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:33

Ok, good point. I’ll repay so it’s not hanging over us anymore. I’ll transfer now.

I was more embarrassed at the situation because I never ever not pay anyone back, but I can now see it is poor behaviour from her. I think I need to speak to her to ask why she never mentioned it before and why she did it the way she did.

OP posts:
Icantrememberthenameoftheartis · 09/02/2022 10:34

It was neither cheeky fuckery or clever. It shows your friend has harboured resentment that you never paid for your ticket and 8 years later saw an opportunity to let you know she hasn’t forgotten and in a sense get repaid by not buying you a wedding present.

I think your friend is in the wrong here and either should’ve asked you/chased you for the ticket money 8 years ago or by now should just have forgotten about it.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 09/02/2022 10:34

That's really weird to not bring it up for 8 years but then remind you of it at your wedding?

I'd just transfer her the £120 now & say you genuinely didn't realise & wish she would have told you sooner as you'd have paid sooner!

Sorted.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:34

@burnoutbabe

I mean you could say "hang on, i wrote you a cheque for £200 back in Octovber 2019", that was me repaying you :D
Now that’s a good approach!
OP posts:
fleurpots · 09/02/2022 10:35

You were wrong not to pay her back, but if I were her, I would have asked for the money. She's gone 8 years and then done this in association with your wedding?! It seems vindictive, especially if you're friends and she could have asked with no issues

If she has the gall to do this on someone's wedding day she surely has the confidence to ask someone to repay money they owe, so it makes me think she's a bit of a nasty person, to be honest.

DrSbaitso · 09/02/2022 10:36

I'm amazed that she was unable to mention it ever in eight years but found your wedding to be the time and place.

GettingItOutThere · 09/02/2022 10:37

you should have paid her back... 8 years ago!

fair play to her, what a legend stewing on that for 8 years haha, she shold have told you

ESGdance · 09/02/2022 10:37

@Checkered1

I know, I am entirely in the wrong for never paying back. I don’t disagree at all.

I’m just amused that she didn’t say anything for 8 years and then mentioned it on the wedding day (well, day after when we opened the cards).

No one “forgets” £120 - did you not talk about the concert at the time before and after?

I think it’s interesting that you are now pointing at her not mentioning it for 8 years as the issue/concern etc rather than reflecting on your own behavior and I would assume embarrassment?

RunningFromInsanity · 09/02/2022 10:38

I think it’s really weird behaviour to not say a thing for 8years and then use someone’s wedding day to make a point.

A normal friend would have reminded you at some point within the last 8 years.

I would actually be rethinking if I wanted to be friends with someone who could harbour such resentment for so long, without saying a word.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:38

I'm quite staggered that you would just 'forget' to repay £120 to a friend. How did it ever get to eight years? It must have been fresh in your mind at the time, and for weeks afterwards, that you'd had a wonderful evening out but had yet to pay for it. It's not much of an excuse putting the onus on her to chase it in the first place

I really don’t know what happened. I always transfer money right away whenever someone buys anything for me, so maybe I thought I had paid when I hadn’t. A few times with friends one will buy tickets for something and another will buy dinner, etc and then it balances out so I do wonder if that’s what happened - I paid for a few dinners but I can’t be too sure. I don’t like to owe people, I never have done, so I always make sure it’s either repaid or balanced out.

OP posts:
Displayname · 09/02/2022 10:38

When you say you don’t ever forget to pay for anything, ever…

🧐🤣

DreamerSeven · 09/02/2022 10:39

@Horseradish01

I don’t think it’s CFery but I do think it’s passive aggressive and petty. Has she been seething for 8 years rather than just ask for the money? Then chooses your wedding day to make a point Hmm
Yes this! I admire her patience though, can just imagine seething and seething then being all gleeful when the invitation popped through the door and she FINALLY got to exact her revenge on you!