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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
SalsaLove · 09/02/2022 10:08

Wow. She’s carried this memory for so long! And to be so passive aggressive. Not a friend I could keep.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:08

@Whinge

Have you paid her back since she reminded you in the wedding card?

I don't understand how you could think she's been a CF. I'm guessing there must have been other times in the last 8 years where she mentioned you haven't paid for the tickets. It's not really the sort of thing you keep quiet about and then decide to mention in a wedding card 8 years later.

Honestly, it has never ever been mentioned.
OP posts:
AluminumMonster · 09/02/2022 10:09

I think she was rude. If she has the balls to bring it up on your wedding then she had the balls to bring it up beforehand. Maybe she couldn't afford a gift, times are tight but to claim this is a gift seems odd after all this time.

Whinge · 09/02/2022 10:10

Honestly, it has never ever been mentioned.

That's really odd. But have you paid her back since she reminded you?

Theunamedcat · 09/02/2022 10:10

It's a bit of a pointless point though isn't it clearly she wasn't bothered enough to speak about it years ago so why now? I would be hurt by this especially as you don't have form for this behaviour

Frauhubert · 09/02/2022 10:10

She has some balls, i am impressed (with her). On a side note- how does one forget to pay back £120? It’s quite a lot of money.

Juniper68 · 09/02/2022 10:10

So have you paid her back now?

Sosop · 09/02/2022 10:10

I think it's bizarre that she would wait all this time and then mention it in your wedding card 8 years later.

Yes you should've paid, but it's obviously been on her mind all this time. Why didn't she just ask at the time?

Selttan · 09/02/2022 10:12

I find it fucking weird that she never said anything for 8 years.

Why would you not just have asked you for the money???

CounsellorTroi · 09/02/2022 10:12

@litlealligator

It's super rude if she's never actually asked you for the money.
She shouldn’t have had to ask for it.

I can’t imagine how anyone could forget to repay £120. Not like it’s a tenner.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:12

@Whinge Also, I didn’t think of that. Do I need to pay her back? Her gift was writing off the debt so I assumed I don’t need to actually pay her now.

I gave her a £200 cheque when she got married and her gift to me is essentially £120 already given, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkle · 09/02/2022 10:12

I don’t think it’s passive aggressive or rude, I think it’s fair enough and quite funny!

I don’t think she’s been holding a grudge - she probably knew you’d forgotten and didn’t care about it enough to bring it up.
But just as she was about to put £100 in a card she probably remembered you owed her £120 and thought well that’s sorted then!

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 10:14

[quote Checkered1]@Whinge Also, I didn’t think of that. Do I need to pay her back? Her gift was writing off the debt so I assumed I don’t need to actually pay her now.

I gave her a £200 cheque when she got married and her gift to me is essentially £120 already given, if that makes sense.[/quote]
Obviously happy to pay so there’s no more money owed.

Maybe I should just transfer so there’s no question of whether I still owe her money. I didn’t think of that at all.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 09/02/2022 10:14

Someone borrowed £100 off me over 50 years ago. I was earning £5 a week at the time so it was alot of money to me. Despite asking I never got it back and they got quite nasty about it in the end. They are dead now and it still annoys me. Not that I am constantly thinking about it but sometimes something happens, like this thread, and I think about it. I wish I could just forget it.

burnoutbabe · 09/02/2022 10:14

i;d think it very rude to bring it up at that point, a nasty comment on your wedding day.

Surely she could have mentioned it anytime over the next 8 years, like when you booked the next thing and she says "oh, you still owe me for x, so we're quits/i only owe you £x less"

This way, I'd assume i've been in her bad books/being slagged off to mates for the last 8 years. And would make me unhappy.

LindaEllen · 09/02/2022 10:15

To be honest, I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I think if you genuinely forgot, she should have reminded you YEARS ago. If a friend owes me money, I'll just send them a message asking for it, particularly if it's that much.

She's obviously held that grudge for a very long time - and I'm sure you'd have paid her if she'd asked!

You're not a CF for forgetting. We're all human. If you'd been reminded then yes, maybe. But this is a bit batshit IMO.

Youdoyoutoday · 09/02/2022 10:15

She's a bit odd for never mentioning it especially if you both book things for each other on a regular basis. As you said, she could have at some point said we even now.

It would make me feel odd to think she's been stewing on this for 8 years especially when you've both booked other things since.

rookiemere · 09/02/2022 10:18

It's so odd that she hasn't just mentioned it. I'd agree - transfer the money today - and say that you've done it and you're mortified that there's been an outstanding debt for so long and you wish she had mentioned it earlier.

Dishwashersaurous · 09/02/2022 10:21

She's obviously been stewing over this for years

Maestrog · 09/02/2022 10:21

It's bizarrely passive aggressive, but you and I have very different ideas of what a CF is.

Appletreechocolatecake · 09/02/2022 10:22

It’s passive aggressive and mean, your wedding is not the time and place to bring up grievances from the past.

pradavilla · 09/02/2022 10:23

The way she has approached the whole thing is just weird. I wouldn't say cheeky but weird. She shld have just mentioned it. I think she's really embarrassed you both by putting that comment in your card.

It would actually quite upset me. On one hand I'd be so embarrassed and annoyed at myself for forgetting. On the other hand I'd be really annoyed with the way she's told u and putting it down as ur gift 😮

Bluebottle11 · 09/02/2022 10:24

Completely agree with Horseradish01

Passive aggressive & petty..she was happy not to say anything for 8 years..weird

8dayweek · 09/02/2022 10:24

Batshit behaviour. I get that you shouldn't have to ask or "hound" people into paying their debt but FFS she's clearly not afraid of making a point!

It never ceases to amaze me that people like this are unable to say "Hey OP, you've not transferred me the cash for X tickets yet", but are able to be petty fuckers on your wedding day.

I'd transfer the cash and phase out the friend.

Allsorts1 · 09/02/2022 10:24

I think it is CF of her definitely! So weird of her to simultaneously be thinking about the ticket cost so much that she would put it as her wedding gift, and also never mention a reminder to you to pay! A gift is meant to be an expression of love, as someone whose love language is gifts this would really upset me and I would definitely reconsider the friendship/look at this person in a new light!