AIBU to do this to my kids

[Nostrings457]

Currently going through a break up. H not around to support. 3 DC who do the below activities, I’m working full time in a stressful job.

DC do the following, I feel like I need to cut down the after school stuff, but they all love what they do but it isn’t sustainable for my sanity. I just want to come home some days & not have to rush tea, get all 3 back out for drop off pick ups & fit reading / homework in somewhere in between. I don’t push any activities, it’s all stuff they have asked to do. I’d happily drop a few activities but feel like I’m letting them down for what will seem to them is just because I’m tired / can’t be bothered

Mon - DC8 & DC6 dancing
Tues - DC 8 Brownies
Wed - nothing
Thurs - DC4 football
Fri - DC6 rainbows
Sat - DC8 swimming (non-negotiable)
Sun - DC6 & DC4 swimming (non negotiable)

AIBU to cut down on some activities? Any ideas on how to approach with DC welcome

Sounds typical of most families with 3 children.

Atm, continuity may be helpful. Up to you, though, obviously.

Two sporty/physical activities each, plus Brownies/Guides/Scouts in time - that sounds reasonable.

The issue is that you have to take them all with you to all of them, because they’re so young still.

Can you afford to pay a local teenager or college student to do some of the dropping/picking up? Or to stay at home with the others while you do the dropping/picking?

Or, do any of them have wrap around care at school? Appreciate they’re young for it.

Separately, I think it’s good to keep them busy and in their routines while their home life goes through this upheaval. Wednesdays entirely off is also good.

Presumably whatever you organise will have to be mirrored when your ex has the children?

With those ages, if at all possible, it's homework for me that would go. I'd prioritise 2 sports per week each over primary homework.

But, what an arse their father must be to leave this all to you? Whatever you decide, don't feel guilty for it, it seems their father has let them down, not you.

Can you atleast get the swimming lessons on the same day? Can D6 join Brownies early to help so you don't have seperate days for that too?

First see what you can consolidate. Can you switch to a different pool and get them all in lessons on the same day. How far off is DC6 from moving over to brownies?

Can they all swim at the same time?
When will younger DD move up to Brownies?

They aren't doing a lot by usual standards. If you were dropping anything it would be dancing and football I suppose, but the Guiding shouldn't be dropped. I guess you'll be adding Scouting to the mix soon. Can't you arrange with another parent to do alternative pick up and drop offs? Don't forget beans on toast is an acceptable meal at least once a week.

Can't you lift share with some of those?

For almost all my dc activities, I tag team with friends who live nearby and atttend same activity. One takes, one picks up.

It's busy but with three children, a couple of activities each is going to add up. When DD6 goes up to Brownies that will free up the Fridays.
Assume it's not possible for all three to do their swimming on same day? Even if different times, at least it would mean one of your weekend days is free.

Is it possible for everyone to go swimming on the same day?

Agree that getting someone else to take them sounds like a good idea - could you take turns with another parent, maybe, do Brownies/Rainbows drop offs and picks ups on alternate weeks?

And ultimately, having a less stressed mother is also important for them.

If you can afford to keep them at classes then please do so,can you do a look car system with other parents?
With covid,their home life unsettled,they need this continuity and some time to have fun.
Speak to the other parents and/or the instructors to start one up,there's probably other parents also struggling.
Good luck,it won't be forever.💐

Is there any way to fit DC4’s football on a night there are already activities? And maybe getting them all to do swimming at the same time somehow?

Just those two things would give you an extra 2 free days, 3 total each week.

Look - pool

cross post with everyone.

I'd drop the dancing, then each child has an activity each, plus swimming. You could do a "home disco" on Saturday night to compensate - doesn't have to be anything massive, we did them during lockdown for our DC. We ordered a cheap disco light from Amazon, gave them a fizzy drink and a few sweets each, then all had a dance round the kitchen for about half an hour.

Also, with food, I tend to make sure I tick nutritional boxes, rather than making a proper meal. I quite often pop toast in, then whilst it's toasting, chop up a huge pile of salad/raw veggie stuff; add some walnuts and suddenly 'toast' has become a balanced meal.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

I'd drop the dancing, then each child has an activity each, plus swimming. You could do a "home disco" on Saturday night to compensate - doesn't have to be anything massive, we did them during lockdown for our DC. We ordered a cheap disco light from Amazon, gave them a fizzy drink and a few sweets each, then all had a dance round the kitchen for about half an hour.

Love this!!

Thanks, sharing drop offs with other parents is a good idea. DC6 will move to Brownies in 6 months so that will free up Fridays. Swimming unfortunately is seriously limited on space so had to take what I can get, will keep asking for availability to get on the same day though

Thanks for the suggestions

I don't think they're doing that much really.

DC8 doing dancing, Brownies and swimming.

DC6 doing dancing, Rainbows and swimming.

DC4 doing football and swimming.

I think I'd aim to get them all swimming on the same weekend day.

If you are truly desperate, keep the dancing and drop Rainbows/Brownies as that'll make the most difference to your week.

Ideally, you'd find parents to share the load with and their dad would do some of it.

They're not really doing that much each tbh.

Do they have any clubs they can do at school? Maybe dancing or football could be changed to a school club.

If you can't get swimming on the same day, I would have a break from lessons and just go swimming as a family once a week. Practice the skills they already have and then re-start lessons later.

Try and organise drop-off/pick-up with other parents.

Pressed post at the same time, op, apologies.

So once dc6 is at brownies you'll have two free evenings, and a weekend day if you can sort the swimming.

You need a friendly parent to alternate lifts for football, dancing and brownies. This must be possible. Lots of them will be feeling just like you!

Unfortunately it sounds quite normal and not excessive to me and I can't see a fair cut. My 8 year old does 5 things and my partner rarely is home from work on time to help out, but it at least offers some routine and reduces time for sibling fights when they are all hl
One together. My 5 year old only does 1 activity. My teenager can sometimes sit with the younger one while I do a pick up or drop off, but I don't drive so it's still a hassle but I think that is just life with kids this age in a partnership and as a single parent as it's not uncommon for both parents to be home at different times. At least you will get a break from Brownies and Rainbows for school holidays.

It’s insightful how so many think that they’re not doing that much. I thought 2 or 3 activities a week was quite full on tbh - I know it wasn’t common when I was that age to do numerous activities.

Will plod on for now