Failure to breastfeed = less bond?

[Shutupandcry]

I’m in an NCT mums WhatsApp and today there has been a lot of discussion from the breastfeeding mums about the amazing bond, nothing like it etc that breastfeeding has created. I’ve spent all day so upset- despite trying to bf I was rubbish and just couldn’t- managed 6 weeks bf with shields, expressing tiny amounts and topping up but at 4 months now DD is fully FF.

I feel I have a lovely bond with her but now feel like maybe I’m missing this amazing womanly experience and my daughter is missing out and it’ll never be as good. DH thinks I should just mute or say something about how I’m struggling with the comments but I don’t want them to think I’m shaming them or don’t want them to talk about it- they have every right to be proud. I wish I could join them.

Have I ruined her life and our bond? Anyone fed their babies differently and noticed a difference in your bond?

Of course babies who are bottle fed have the same bond as a baby who is breast fed. Anyone who says different is pushing an agenda or trying to make you feel guilty so their own choices make them feel better.

I have 5 kids. Fed 3 easily, but first and last just never got going with breast. Absolutely no difference in the bond. You are your DDs everything, don't stress about it.

Women who have a c-section haven’t given birth.
Women who breast feed have a better bond.
Women who work aren’t raising their children.
Women who don’t work aren’t good role models.

Just another way to bash women doing their best,

I bottle fed one and breast fed one and bonded with both.

When I finally had to admit defeat on the first, and started bottle feeding, one of the lovely bonuses was looking into his eyes when I was feeding him.

This makes me so cross. They are chatting shit and they know it. Call them out on it if you wish. What's the betting they also have lots of commentary on how hard they work breastfeeding through the night and baby doesn't sleep but if yours does it's a nod "oh because they are formula fed"

Tell them to fuck off. Or if you want to be more polite "I'm bonding just fine thanks"

My daughter was FF from birth and our bond is as strong as any, I'd say. So many things cement that bond and the way you fed them as babies becomes less important as they get older.

I'm sure it's a lovely thing for some women who BF, but not everyone who has feels that way. Also, both my nephews are adopted but I don't think my sister feels any less bonded just because she didn't have them as babies, let alone BF.

My daughter joined us aged 14 months via adoption so bf was never an option. Our bond is perfect.
I used to get offended and upset about this sort of thing, but I now know that there are a million other ways to create a loving attachment.
You have not ruined her life. Or your bond.
I’m sure it is beautiful to bf and no doubt adds to the bonding at that time, but neither your child nor your bond will suffer from missing this one thing.
My daughter is 7 now and we love each other more strongly than I knew was possible.

BF no1 for 4 months.
BF no2 for 8 weeks.
FF no3,4&5.
No difference in bond whatsoever.

I breast fed one of my birth children and bottle fed the other now, as a foster parent, I formula feed my babies. I can honestly say I don't notice any difference in the bond no matter how the baby was fed.

I think first time mums get confused by the breastfeeding and think it’s a massive part of the bond they have with their baby. Ridiculous. The bond with their baby is there because they’re a new mum flooded with hormones utterly in love with their new baby. Which is exactly the same as you.

It is one of many, many things you do as a parent to establish a loving bond - playing with them, reading, cuddling, talking to them, playing and interacting and feeding them in any way. You will have just as strong a bond.

It is a different experience, not the absence of a bond.
A friend of mine was unable to breastfeed, after many, many attempts, and was gutted that she couldn't. However her baby stares at her and holds on to her hand/finger/clothes while they feed just like my breastfed baby does, your baby won't have any less of a bond with you depending on how you feed. 🙂

I just never got on with it with DS. Tbh, I didn’t even like the feeling of him on my breast, it felt weird. Then, he was crying so much between feed and never seemed satisfied anyway. He weighed over 10lbs at birth and the health visitor said that formula ‘sits heavier’ (her words) in baby’s tummies so makes them feel fuller for longer. Tried it and the constant crying stopped. Had a great bond and he seemed very content.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Arent they so high and mighty breastfeeding their children with this magical bond bottle feeding cant give

Theres always something.

You cant know love til you've had a child..
You dont know a bond like this til you've breast fed.. fuck off.

People love talking bollox about the things they do so much better than others.
Pay no attention op.

There are probably things you’ve found easier than them. I’m sorry things didn’t work out as you’d hoped with feeding but I’m sure your bond with your lovely baby is as close as anyone else’s.

God no. I spent less time holding my bf babies than my bottle fed baby as I felt they were attached to me all the time. Ended up disliking breast feeding, it was never magical, it was a chore. Looking back I wish Id bottle fed.

Oh OP, I felt this so badly when I had my DD.
I never produced any milk and was completely unable to breastfeed despite doing everything the feeding team suggested. I hadn’t realised how badly I wanted to breastfeed and was heartbroken and convinced I’d damaged our bond forever and that I might as well just be anyone and not her mother since I couldn’t do the proper motherly thing of breastfeeding.

Honestly it was such nonsense. She’s 18 months now and our bond is incredibly strong.

How you feed is such a tiny part of bonding, such a tiny part of parenting/ motherhood overall. It seems so overwhelmingly important for the first months/ year but honestly that will fade. Cuddle your baby close and enjoy those snuggles and the beautiful bond you definitely have.

Breastfed both of mine for 18 months. My 6 year old happily tells me I'm a rubbish mummy when I'm doing something that displeases her. It makes not a jot of difference

Bonding is simply loving your child. For some it's and immediate thing for others it takes a while. Stop over thinking it and comparing yourself to other mums. You tried breastfeeding and managed to do it for 6 weeks which is more than many new mums manage. You're doing the best for your daughter be proud of that.

I bonded fine with my dc and they were both bottle fed. They're lovely, confident and happy children. One child did get some breast milk, the one got none; you really can't tell to look at or listen to them. I know it feels like a big thing when they're tiny babies but it really isn't. What matters is that they're fed well and are loved and supported throughout their lives and babyhood is just a tiny part of that.

I have 3DC. Have FF and EBF.

I absolutely loved BFing... for about 1 minute a day when I remembered or had the energy to 'bond' (i.e. look at the baby instead of the telly or my phone or chivvy other kids to get dressed etc).

There are occasional moments where the baby looks up at you while I'm feeding. But I'm bloody sure you have similar moments while feeding your baby.

Of all the ways that you may or may not fail your children, not being able to breastfeed long term is not one of them.

Next time your baby looks at you, try to imagine being any more bonded to them. Bet you can't!

They couldn't possibly know that their bond is down to BF, they're just making it up to make themselves feel good.

Unless you have identical twins and choose to BF one and not the other (and not for medical reasons) then you can't really draw a conclusion about whether it makes a difference. And even then, it probably wouldn't tell you the answer for singletons.

I liked FF - you can make really good eye contact while FF, which feels like bonding. And also I think going past the horrible bit where it all went wrong into an easier stage made bonding easier. Being in the midst of a hellish BF experience is certainly not conducive to bonding.

I struggled to breastfeed both my children, only managed a few days with both of them.

With my first I struggled to bond with her and she has only just started expressing affection in a way I recognise at the age of 8.

With my second we bonded very quickly and he's always been very affectionate little boy who says the most gorgeous things to me.

If I had managed to breastfeed him I would be convinced that our special bond was due to that, but it's not, he just shows his love for me in a way I understand. I had to learn how to read my first born.

You have not ruined her life or your bond. It might feel very raw now but I promise you it won't feel this way in a few years time.

Some people are thoughtless/smug fuckers. OP I failed to bf my DD after a traumatic birth that nearly killed the pair of us. I tried for 10 weeks because I felt such a failure. I had no milk and she was failure to thrive. She's now 17 and I have exactly the same bond with her as I do my DS who I exclusively bf until he was 18 months. Ignore the twats who have no idea how difficult breast feeding can be both physically and mentally.