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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 12am too late to be hanging around outside for 15 year olds ?

285 replies

GreekGod · 07/02/2022 20:30

Over the weekend, four of our DD friends all 15 years old were involved in an awful accident and two of the girls are still in intensive care and they are in a critical condition. This has shook our community to the core and I just can't stop thinking about the parents who we know really well. Basically a car driven by an 18 year old at a great speed who just got his license hit two of the girls and the other two had minor injuries. The accident happened outside a coffee shop that is full of teenagers every Saturday night (13 to 16 year olds). My DD was also going to go out that evening to the same place but cancelled at the last minute as we were invited out to a family birthday meal. The accident happened at 12am on Sunday morning and today at the school there was a general discussion by some of the parents saying that they would never allow their children out that late and that the accident would never happened at an earlier time. They talked about attacks and rapes, joyriding and all sorts. We do allow DD out that late. She is a good kid, achieves excellent grades and is very respectful. She is also mature for her age. But it got me thinking. Are we wrong in allowing a 15 year old out at 12am in a group outside in a town with other 15 year olds? My DD could have quite easily been in intensive care herself and I now feel awfully guilty in giving her this freedom that could harm her ? I am so confused. AIBU in allowing a 15 year old to stay out till after 12am ?

OP posts:
Original poster
GreekGod · 07/02/2022 20:33

i just want to add that I or DH always pick her up no later than 12.30am from the cafe

OP posts:
JustBlethering · 07/02/2022 20:34

Mine are only little so im not too sure. I think I was allowed out that late when I was 15 but I was never up to anything very good Blush

It's really really horrible of the other parents to be bitching like that when two girls are so seriously injured. What a time to be judgemental.

Filthyslattern · 07/02/2022 20:36

Mine are 18 and 21 and there is no WAY they would ever have been allowed to do this. Not a chance. Ever.

Weclome · 07/02/2022 20:36

YANBU to allow your DD to stay out till that time. You are her parent and it is up to you what times you allow her to stay out, everyone parents differently.
My dd, just turned 15, would not be allowed out at that time and neither would her friends but right now I wouldn't be judging the parents of the children who have been injured

DrivelandNonsense · 07/02/2022 20:36

Not a chance. 15 is far too young to be out so late.

TooMuchToblerone · 07/02/2022 20:37

I have a 15 year old and I wouldn't let her out that late. My son is 14 and it'll be same for him.
They have freedom but not that late.
However, agree it's not the time for judgement.

gogohm · 07/02/2022 20:37

Mine were only allowed out to specific places at that time, they occasionally were at pubs but with Church friends (including adults)

Coughee · 07/02/2022 20:37

I wouldn't allow my 15 yo to hang around outside until 12am, no. But that accident could have happened at anytime so I think it's really shitty for the other parents to be talking like that when there are kids in hospital.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 07/02/2022 20:37

It depends on your daughter and the area you live. It sounds perfectly fine from what you’ve said. You wouldn’t let a 15 year old out that late where I live now, but that’s mainly because there isn’t anywhere for them to be other than wandering the streets and parks. If there’s a coffee shop still open that’s a hang out spot I think it’s fine.

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/02/2022 20:37

My 2 were never allowed out that late, when they were teens.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 07/02/2022 20:38

Not at 15, no, but I agree that it is in very bad taste for other parents to be talking about it in this way. Car accidents happen at all times of the day and night, and it is not the girls or their parents faults that they were injured in this way.

Bitofachinwag · 07/02/2022 20:38

Too young. However, accidents can happen in the daytime too.

Icequeen01 · 07/02/2022 20:38

That sounds horrendous and I do hope the two badly injured girls recover.

I have to say there is no way on earth we would have let our DS stay out that late when he was 15 let alone a 15 year old girl.

ThirdElephant · 07/02/2022 20:38

I wouldn't have been out at midnight at 15. We tended to gather at a friend's house instead.

jellybellydancer · 07/02/2022 20:38

I think that’s way too late to be out. My nearly 15 year old has to be home by 9 although can stay out later if they’re at a friends house

ApolloandDaphne · 07/02/2022 20:39

That is much too late for a 15yo to be hanging about outside. Mine could stay up late at the weekend as long as they were at someones house.

Confrontayshunme · 07/02/2022 20:39

My parents said no good happens after 10pm. I was terribly sheltered but my close friends were allowed out till midnight, and those two hours seemed to involve all manner of vehicular accidents, drunken and disorderly conduct, pregnancies, arrests and vandalism. It is anecdotal, but I would rather them have terrible FOMO and a clean slate. Plus, I think of all the shit I have encountered from drunken men at midnight, and I don't think 15 year olds should have to deal with that.

SouthOfFrance · 07/02/2022 20:40

Regardless its really unkind of the other parents to blame the parents of the girls.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/02/2022 20:40

I was at that age,underage clubbing. I was very sensible, nothing ever happened, no smoking drinking or boys. So I wouldn't say it's outrageous but depends on the child and the situation.

But are you talking about hanging around outside, or was the coffee shop actually open?

5128gap · 07/02/2022 20:40

The people saying this are just trying to make sense of the tragedy and feel a sense of control and safety. It happened because of this thing we don't allow, therefore it will never happen to our children. The fact is, it could have happened at any time and you can always be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think you're right to allow your DD to do this. A coffee shop is a safe way for her to hang out with her friends at her age. Better than the parks we used to hang around in at that age.

gingerbiscuits · 07/02/2022 20:41

Gone midnight at age 15?? Not a chance. No way. Plenty of time for that when they're 18+.

Abbsie · 07/02/2022 20:41

AIBU in allowing a 15 year old to stay out till after 12am ?

Yes!

I'm a safeguarding officer at a secondary. This would be a big red flag for child exploration and risk taking.

I'm also Mum to DD17 and DS16, neither of whom would be allowed out in places like that past 10pm. At 15yo I would consider 11pm occasionally, but only for specific special occasions.

Personally speaking, I'd judge a parent who's 15yo was regularly out until midnight.

Professionally speaking, I'd consider have questions to ask regarding neglect if a 15yo was regularly out until midnight.

MrBoPeep · 07/02/2022 20:41

Far too late.

Simpkins04 · 07/02/2022 20:41

Yes, IMO midnight is far too late for a 15 year old to be hanging around the streets as let’s face it, they can’t be getting up to anything good at that time out on the street?

Different if they’re at a friend’s house or something.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 07/02/2022 20:43

At 15 absolutely not.

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