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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 12am too late to be hanging around outside for 15 year olds ?

285 replies

GreekGod · 07/02/2022 20:30

Over the weekend, four of our DD friends all 15 years old were involved in an awful accident and two of the girls are still in intensive care and they are in a critical condition. This has shook our community to the core and I just can't stop thinking about the parents who we know really well. Basically a car driven by an 18 year old at a great speed who just got his license hit two of the girls and the other two had minor injuries. The accident happened outside a coffee shop that is full of teenagers every Saturday night (13 to 16 year olds). My DD was also going to go out that evening to the same place but cancelled at the last minute as we were invited out to a family birthday meal. The accident happened at 12am on Sunday morning and today at the school there was a general discussion by some of the parents saying that they would never allow their children out that late and that the accident would never happened at an earlier time. They talked about attacks and rapes, joyriding and all sorts. We do allow DD out that late. She is a good kid, achieves excellent grades and is very respectful. She is also mature for her age. But it got me thinking. Are we wrong in allowing a 15 year old out at 12am in a group outside in a town with other 15 year olds? My DD could have quite easily been in intensive care herself and I now feel awfully guilty in giving her this freedom that could harm her ? I am so confused. AIBU in allowing a 15 year old to stay out till after 12am ?

OP posts:
ChocolateHoneycomb · 07/02/2022 20:44

No one should be hanging about on the street at midnight. Definitely not kids.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/02/2022 20:44

There was a thread a week or so ago op, where the op and many others said they wouldn't let their 15yo get on a bus at 5pm alone, so I'm thinking many many parents wouldn't let a 15 yo out at midnight. I haven't got one yet, but don't think I would.

Cheekypeach · 07/02/2022 20:44

I think midnight is a suitable curfew for a 15 year old on a non-school night, but not to just hang around in the dark outside - I would expect it to be more of a contained party/event thing.

I had zero boundaries as a teen and most Friday/Saturday nights would be wild camping, staying round boy’s houses or going to overnight parties. It wasn’t good for me, I got exposed to an awful lot at a young age.

Valhalla17 · 07/02/2022 20:44

Far too late, especially if out on the streets. I wasn't allowed to be out until midnight until about age 17 and even then my parents were up waiting in the lounge Grin

Wafflesnsniffles · 07/02/2022 20:45

I think 11pm is plenty late enough for a 15yo tbh. What happened could have happened at any time of day so the issues surrounding that are a different problem.

refraction · 07/02/2022 20:45

Yes I think it is probably too late.

The cafe sounds a nice idea though but probably until 9 at the latest. Are there many places like this cafe for teenagers?

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 07/02/2022 20:46

15 is way way too young for 12am shenanigans!! That's really lax parenting in my book.

Clymene · 07/02/2022 20:47

It wouldn't be something I'd do but no kids are out that late here. Greece keeps different hours. I'm guessing this is the incident?

knews.kathimerini.com.cy/en/news/teen-loses-leg-after-car-plows-into-girl-squad

Rumplestrumpet · 07/02/2022 20:47

I think it's two separate issues - firstly, it's an awful accident and I really hope the girls are ok.

Secondly, I can't imagine allowing my young teenagers to be hanging out in the street at midnight. At a friend's house? Yes ok. But not out in the street. I'm quite shocked at the thought.

That said, at 15 I did sneak out with friends and we ended up in all sorts of dodgy situations such as drinking cider in a really dangerous inner-city park, going to see inappropriate movies, hanging out in a Council estate car park... etc. So even though your daughter's set up shocks me a bit, part of me needs to admit that allowing more leniency, and then knowing more about where they are, isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I think the most important thing is keeping communication open with your daughter and being confident you do really know what's going on

NoJaffaCakesAreKeptInThisVan · 07/02/2022 20:47

Yep way too late for that age group. My 15 year old doesn’t stay out very late at all and if she’s out in eve she sees her friends at their houses. Sometimes she goes to the cinema or something else late but is never just hanging around at night.

Cheekypeach · 07/02/2022 20:48

hanging out in a Council estate car park

Confused snobby much??

Original poster
GreekGod · 07/02/2022 20:52

Thank you so much for all your comments. I should add that we no longer live in the UK but in a Southern European country where "cafe society" is very normal till quite late and the crime rate is very low in our town. But still I fully take on board all your points as to her age. She is such a respectful and well behaved kid but still I now need to rethink as very valid points have been made.

Yes, the coffee shop was open and the teenagers gather there and have coffee and milkshakes etc.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/02/2022 20:53

My 15 year old boy is in bed at 10pm. Over school holidays 10.30pm latest. He could go to cinema with late finish up to 10pm.

ThirdElephant · 07/02/2022 20:53

@Clymene

It wouldn't be something I'd do but no kids are out that late here. Greece keeps different hours. I'm guessing this is the incident?

knews.kathimerini.com.cy/en/news/teen-loses-leg-after-car-plows-into-girl-squad

That is some top-flight detective work there. Kudos!
maddiemookins16mum · 07/02/2022 20:53

15 year olds don’t need to be hanging out anywhere at midnight.

Porcupineintherough · 07/02/2022 20:53

Honestly? Not a cat's chance in hell I'd allow that. Out with friends to cinema, bowling, meal, at friends house - fine. Hanging around on the street - no way.

MissMaple82 · 07/02/2022 20:53

Accidents and speeding happens at all times of the day and night... People just like to blame and shame

Clymene · 07/02/2022 20:54

Not really @ThirdElephant - the number of cars ploughing into groups of teens is fortunately tiny

Rumplestrumpet · 07/02/2022 20:56

Sorry @cheekypeach my point was that is was underneath a tower block, making it dark and secluded thus more dangerous than say a Tesco openair carpark.

In any case it really wasn't an appropriate place for kids to be hanging out - I don't think that's snobby

Porcupineintherough · 07/02/2022 20:56

Ok I'd missed your last post. If you mean somewhere like a Plaza with restaurants, adults around, people sitting out, eating, then maybe I'd be ok with that.

CallMeNutribullet · 07/02/2022 20:59

At that age I was out until 11pm latest at the weekend and my mum wasn't strict- quite permissive really

Wendybyrdesmissingconscience · 07/02/2022 21:00

I can’t quite believe you’re even asking this question. Of course it’s far too late for a teenager to be out. There’s no good can come of it. You should always know where your children are and they certainly shouldn’t be out at that time, regardless of how mature/responsible etc they are. I know you’re not saying you didn’t know where your daughter was, I’m speaking generally. As a cop it always amazed me how unaware parents were about what their teenagers were up to. Teenagers dying and being critically injured in collisions, when being driven by a speeding inexperienced teenager is a common thing unfortunately.

19lottie82 · 07/02/2022 21:03

I'm also Mum to DD17 and DS16, neither of whom would be allowed out in places
like that past 10pm

You wouldn’t allow a 17 year old out to a cafe past 10? Seems a bit extreme!

Mogwig · 07/02/2022 21:05

Yes, it is naive (sadly) to think it's ok for a 15-year-old to be out that late with others.

It is very potentially dangerous, for all sorts of reasons. I would rather barricade my daughter in her room and force-read her Beatrix Potter all night than let her out like that.

However reasonable, good, sensible and mature they may seem, you wouldn't recognise them when they get with their peers, unobserved, at night, with alcohol.

Bottom line: it's dangerous. So don't allow it.

Emsie1987 · 07/02/2022 21:07

My curfew was 10pm up until I was 17. However, I was allowed to go to others houses and stay over the night if there was a party. I got up to plenty of mischief with that curfew.

I think being based in another country the culture May have something to do with the lateness compared to in the UK. As far as I am aware I don't know of any cafe in a local town that would be open that late apart from a 24 hour McDonald's.

When I was in Italy last year there was plenty of young people in a cafe at passed midnight but I am not sure of their exact ages. I would think though that anything passed 10pm on a school night would affect concentration the next day if nothing. Also not sure why they would need to stay that late out in the first place.