Is 12am too late to be hanging around outside for 15 year olds ?

[GreekGod]

Over the weekend, four of our DD friends all 15 years old were involved in an awful accident and two of the girls are still in intensive care and they are in a critical condition. This has shook our community to the core and I just can't stop thinking about the parents who we know really well. Basically a car driven by an 18 year old at a great speed who just got his license hit two of the girls and the other two had minor injuries. The accident happened outside a coffee shop that is full of teenagers every Saturday night (13 to 16 year olds). My DD was also going to go out that evening to the same place but cancelled at the last minute as we were invited out to a family birthday meal. The accident happened at 12am on Sunday morning and today at the school there was a general discussion by some of the parents saying that they would never allow their children out that late and that the accident would never happened at an earlier time. They talked about attacks and rapes, joyriding and all sorts. We do allow DD out that late. She is a good kid, achieves excellent grades and is very respectful. She is also mature for her age. But it got me thinking. Are we wrong in allowing a 15 year old out at 12am in a group outside in a town with other 15 year olds? My DD could have quite easily been in intensive care herself and I now feel awfully guilty in giving her this freedom that could harm her ? I am so confused. AIBU in allowing a 15 year old to stay out till after 12am ?

My children would not have been allowed out this late in this kind of situation at that age - cafe in town etc etc

My son was not allowed out at 12 am at 15, the only way he could stay out past 11 was if he was in a sleepover. Obviously, he said that EVERYONE was out and he was the only one not allowed that late but I knew that at least 80% of his friends were not allowed out at that time. Now, once he was past 16 and his prom… the proportion reversed.

I’d consider that neglectful, it’s really shocking actually! Wow

@Mogwig

Yes, it is naive (sadly) to think it's ok for a 15-year-old to be out that late with others.

It is very potentially dangerous, for all sorts of reasons. I would rather barricade my daughter in her room and force-read her Beatrix Potter all night than let her out like that.

However reasonable, good, sensible and mature they may seem, you wouldn't recognise them when they get with their peers, unobserved, at night, with alcohol.

Bottom line: it's dangerous. So don't allow it.

Yet in 3 years that 15 year old will be an adult able to do whatever they wish. You don’t think it’s wise to build up to that a little?

I'm sorry but I don't think it is 'typical' for a 15 year old to be in bed at 10pm at the weekend. I have a nearly 15 year old who would never be in parks or aimlessly wondering around but around 16 where I am particularly in the summer it would be quite normal to see teenagers out at that time.

No way. Age 15 I used to go ice skating and to a teen disco . Had to home not a minute past 11pm, although back then no groups of teens hanging around outside and it was very rare for anyone under the age of early 20s to have a car

That's so tragic. I do feel the children were allowed to be at unnecessary risk there, yes.
On a school night, in an exam year (15 so year 11? ) still properly out at 12 am (not a 12 curfew).

Yes. As a regular thing I feel that's not giving them enough of a sense of their obligations, being able to perform effectively and training them in making poor decisions. Also if it's a regular thing that does draw attention from people with less than savoury intentions (drugs, booze etc) as those children are probably known locally to have a lack of parental input etc. Other 'at risk' factors might then be looked at.

It's late but not unheard off. The time has nothing to do with the accident though. People are reckless shelfish dicks in cars at all times of day.

This is so difficult. At 15, I was allowed out clubbing. My mum would pick me up from the club at midnight and because I knew she was picking me up, I behaved myself. I think she got the balance exactly right with parenting me. But now I have a 15 year old and I can’t imagine letting her out until this time. So I can’t make a judgement either way. We all just do our best, don’t we?

I wouldnt have allowed my 15yo to do that. At 17 now, I ask that he please comes home by 11 so that I can rest. I dont demand that he does, I just ask. I really don't see a reason or a need for teens to be hanging around at such a late hour to be honest. Thankfully he feels the same way and tends to be home before 11 anyway.

I hope all those involved in the accident make a full recovery.

Midnight is very late for 15 year olds to be out unsupervised. But then I'm too tired to be willing to pick DD up in the early hours.

Bizarre to think that it being late has anything to do with them being run over, though. Poor kids

It wasn't the accident one of the posters mentioned (we live in another Southern European country - close by) but yes, unfortunately, as one of the posters said, teenagers speeding in cars and other teenagers dying in collisions is apparently now becoming more common. A similar accident again outside a cafe by the beach with young teenagers happened only a few months ago. The Police mentioned this at the school today

My DD is 14, and I don't allow her out after it's dark, so there is no way she'd be out until midnight! I'm sorry they've been injured though.

I'd say back by 5 or 6pm at the latest for dinner and in bed by 9pm. So definitely not as late as midnight. They need regulation. What about all their responsibilities, sleep and sleep schedule? And how being awake at midnight can affect the following days plans? They can go to the cafe at a reasonable time around lunch on a weekend. I would only allow that time as a one off if necessary.

Car crash aside yes it is very irresponsible to let a group of 15 year olds go to a cafe at midnight. They're not responsible adults

If you live in an area that is reasonably safe, and your teenagers are reasonably sensible, then I don't think it's a really late time for them to be thinking of heading home.

Besides, who cares if some parents think that it was very late for them to be out? That doesn't make it somehow their fault that their children were involved in a horrible accident. Nobody really expects an idiot to be driving around at very high speeds at any time of the day or night. That should never be happening.

I really wouldn't allow a 15 year old out that late, no.

YABU my nearly 17 year old has only just had curfew extended to 11pm and even that makes me feel twitchy.

@Cheekypeach but those 3 years makes a hell of a difference at that age. 3 years ago my 13 year old DD was 10. Let me tell you she’s almost a totally different person than she was at 10!

I'd wonder what else the kids are upto, when out past midnight.

No it's not necessarily too late it depends on the context. As you say this is not the UK and is somewhere with a late night cafe culture - then it could definitely be fine.

I remember being astounded in northern spain at the sight of children and teenagers out til 1 or 2 in the morning playing in big groups or hanging out. There are other cultures than our miserable drink soaked one in the UK!

I have a 15 year old DS. He’s in at 9pm. I think midnight is far too late.

@GreekGod

It wasn't the accident one of the posters mentioned (we live in another Southern European country - close by) but yes, unfortunately, as one of the posters said, teenagers speeding in cars and other teenagers dying in collisions is apparently now becoming more common. A similar accident again outside a cafe by the beach with young teenagers happened only a few months ago. The Police mentioned this at the school today

If it's a different incident, that makes two incidents of cars ploughing into groups of teenagers near coffee shops at midnight this last weekend alone. Just from that, it seems like loitering around coffee shops at midnight on a weekend is pretty dangerous. I'd rethink it, OP.

@Filthyslattern

Mine are 18 and 21 and there is no WAY they would ever have been allowed to do this. Not a chance. Ever.

You wouldn't ALLOW two adults to stay out at 12am? For gods sake...

I wouldn’t allow my daughter at 15 to be out that late unless it was for special occasion.

You can do what you like.

You wouldn't ALLOW two adults to stay out at 12am? For gods sake...

Did you forget to read in your apoplexic rush to be APPALLED?

“no WAY they would ever have been allowed to do this.” As in, in the past, when they were 15.