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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner got someone else pregnant

216 replies

soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:13

I don't know what to do partner got someone else pregnant kept it from me only found out when we had a argument drunk says he wants to be with me and loves me but I carnt take him back now how would I ever forgive him?

OP posts:
wanttomarryamillionaire · 10/02/2022 11:29

I don't understand why hes scum for not wanting anything to do with the child? Surely a parent that doesn't want you or resents you will cause far more damage than no parent at all? I think men who walk away when they feel like this are doing the right thing. However he is a lying scumbag who you are both better off without.

Tiana4 · 10/02/2022 11:30

The title is a lie and OPs posts are misleading drip feeds

Title should say "Partner got someone else pregnant whilst we were broken up for 6 months."

And her first post should have started with
"we have 2 DCs together been together 9 years a bit on and off, we've just got back together 2 months ago and I found out last that during the 6 months we were split up he's got his then girlfriend pregnant- she's about 5 months pregnant. I'm really upset about it, we argued all last night and I'm thinking of throwing him out. He's promised me he won't have anything to do with her or the baby"

It doesn't have the same rally the crowds impact does it?

Sprucewillis · 10/02/2022 11:30

Setting her off Grinwhat does that even mean? Honestly? He threw it in her face in an argument. None of us know the situation with the break - purpose etc. at the very least he is a bit shady keeping this to himself until he's got his feet firmly back under the table.

Whereismumhiding4 · 10/02/2022 11:38

I agree with Tiani4

The title is a lie and OPs posts are misleading drip feeds

Title should say "Partner got someone else pregnant whilst we were broken up for 6 months."

Can't believe so many PPs haven't RTFT and missed what OP his so well. They were split up for 6 months & they've only just got back together .

It sounds like the argument OP had with him last night might be a driver in him saying he won't have anything to do with the baby when born. I hope he doesn't mean it & was just said to appease OP.

It's very obvious OP has been manipulative on this thread so I can easily believe she's not telling whole story and potentially his saying he won't see baby may have arisen as a result of her anger and threats to throw him out.

You know what OP? Absolutely end this relationship. It's not good for either of you.

Maybe he can go back to his pregnant girlfriend and have a healthier relationship

Whereismumhiding4 · 10/02/2022 11:39

*pregnant ex girlfriend I meant! Grin

Ikeptgoing · 10/02/2022 14:09

Title should say "Partner got someone else pregnant whilst we were broken up for 6 months."

And her first post should have started with
"we have 2 DCs together been together 9 years a bit on and off, we've just got back together 2 months ago and I found out last that during the 6 months we were split up he's got his then girlfriend pregnant- she's about 5 months pregnant. I'm really upset about it, we argued all last night and I'm thinking of throwing him out. He's promised me he won't have anything to do with her or the baby"

It doesn't have the same rally the crowds impact does it?

This ^ post is spot on having RTFT & OPs posts very carefully

OP was hiding key facts in drip feeds that she's casually dropped in. Lots of PPs doing a pile on about her DP being a "cheater" and "liar" when actually OP appears to have misrepresented the situation from the start.

An truthful clear post from the outset wouldn't have had the same rallying effect, I don't think OP comes out of this with clean hands at all

tkwal · 10/02/2022 16:49

20:34PollyPepper
I didn't say it was true that they "just happen" what I meant was that they didn't necessarily happen to have any emotional attachment to the other person, or indeed to have even met them before. That's just how some men seem to think. He obviously wasn't thinking about possible consequences

Moretodo · 10/02/2022 17:29

Must be really painful OP.

You had just broken up and he was already sleeping with the next woman, and this resulted in a pregnancy very quickly. It does seem like a betrayal.
Posters are being really hard on you, and I expect you are feeling shit enough.

I really feel for you, I get it that you weren't really 'broken up', and neither of you had done your healing work, hence he came back.

It can be time for you to do your healing work now, and really look after you and your children.
He's not bringing much to the table, and has come home with a whole load more problems.
Reckless irresponsible shit.

I would cut your losses here, sooner or later it is going to end with you two and you can't be happy (the initial split, the to-ing and fro-ing and now this).

You deserve more.
Your children deserve more.

mathanxiety · 10/02/2022 17:40

Agree with Moretodo.

He was very quick to find someone else, and turning his back on his own baby is a disgusting thing to do.

mathanxiety · 10/02/2022 17:41

Go and get a STD test.

Ursusmajor · 11/02/2022 06:53

I don’t think it makes a big difference that they were broken up when this happened. Ok, he didn’t cheat. Fine. But the baby is still going to arrive in a few months time and I personally could not continue with a relationship where a child had been conceived with another woman during a brief period that we were broken up. It would mean constant explaining to people of the time line and the break up and then back together situation. And a constant innocent human reminder that my partner would immediately replace me and our kids if things get difficult. The fact the OPs (ex)partner didn’t tell her that he’d got his ONS/short term gf pregnant when they were considering getting back together is a form of betrayal that is up there with cheating in my mind.

Ikeptgoing · 11/02/2022 11:40

Ok, he didn’t cheat. Fine. But the baby is still going to arrive in a few months time and I personally could not continue with a relationship where a child had been conceived with another woman during a brief period that we were broken up.

The baby was conceived during 6 months period OP and he were broken up that's not 'a brief period'. It's half a year.

It's not a betrayal
It's life that happens. He is allowed to have sex with people when he was single!

So many controlling responses . Bear in mind that OP has his 2DCs living with her so how she behaves of her views or anger will have a larger impact on him than if she was any other girlfriend

OP and this man have only been back together a couple months since November.

Nice MNers would be telling OP to encourage him to see his baby when born & to support his ex gf (new mum2B) . Baby has a right to know his dad.

I don't think it's fair that anyone on here is winding OP up about this -falsely calling it cheating or a betrayal- which may feed into why he feels he has to say he'll have nothing to do this baby (or his ex-gf baby's mum)

OP may be upset, and I can understand that- but there are bigger issues than her feelings. He did tell her about the baby, maybe should have told her earlier but there's still 4 months before baby is born. DP had a right to need time to process his feelings about baby too.

PPs in here have encouraged her to throw him out though! Over this. Probably bc OP hadn't said the full story or said it so vaguely PPs weren't realising.

Sprucewillis · 11/02/2022 12:10

@Ikeptgoing you know you are right, he can do what he likes. And so can OP.

Yoyokitten · 11/02/2022 12:18

So sorry you're in this situation. Practically speaking though, do you own your house? because really he should be the one leaving

KatyRebecca84 · 11/02/2022 12:37

So you were on a break- already clearly having issues. He didn't strictly cheat on you but should have told you he slept with someone else. He definitely should have told you he got her pregnant and now he wants nothing to do with the child. The last point would be the main issue, what a selfish thing to do. There's no way I could stay.

Moretodo · 11/02/2022 13:34

@Ikeptgoing
Break was 6 months.
Girlfriend is 5 months pg.
No I'm not winding up when I say it is a betrayal.
The OP has two DC for him.

It's a betrayal of her, the relationship, and their family.

Logically you can say, well they has broken up.
Emotionally they hadn't.
He has now returned which proves the point imo.

Neither had had time to process the relationship, he was definately not considering his existing children.
It was practically the next fucking day.
Yes it's a betrayal.
I would feel betrayed too.

OP you can now do your processing, raise your standards and protect yourself from this irresponsible selfish man and others like him.

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