Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner got someone else pregnant

216 replies

soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:13

I don't know what to do partner got someone else pregnant kept it from me only found out when we had a argument drunk says he wants to be with me and loves me but I carnt take him back now how would I ever forgive him?

OP posts:
UltraVividLament · 06/02/2022 20:24

Well, that attitude towards this poor child to be is pretty grim. That would be the end for me, if the cheating and lying hadn't already killed the relationship.

nancy75 · 06/02/2022 20:24

So you live forever waiting for the phone call/knock on the door waiting for the child to find their dad? Their dad who is the kind of man who can abandon a kid.

AlDanvers · 06/02/2022 20:25

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
Ah so he wants to be a shit father and ignore his child....and thinks that will make you want to take him back?

Does it? Do you want a shit like that?

Wether he wants to have anything to do with the child or not, the mother can still claim through CMS.

NotVictorianHonestly · 06/02/2022 20:25

If you try to make a go of it then either he's a deadbeat that's going to shun his own child, or you're going to have to welcome the other woman's child into your family and play nice. I wouldn't fancy either of those options personally. So it would be a hard no from me.

MadMadMadamMim · 06/02/2022 20:25

is it silly to even want to try?

Yeah. It really is. Raise your standards a long way.

He got another woman pregnant. That's pretty much the worst betrayal ever. Not only did he shag someone behind your back, he feels so much contempt for you and for her that he couldn't even be arsed to wear a condom.

Why the fuck would you even consider having him back? And please don't say for the sake of the children. That's a crock of shit and they are better off without a twat like this as a role model.

Who cares what he wants, btw? You say he says he 'wants you and loves you'. He's no prize and he shouldn't even have the option of choosing now.

M0RVEN · 06/02/2022 20:25

@UltraVividLament

Well, that attitude towards this poor child to be is pretty grim. That would be the end for me, if the cheating and lying hadn't already killed the relationship.
I agree. Why would you even think of having a child with him? He’s already told you that he walks away from his kids when it’s not convenient.
lapasion · 06/02/2022 20:26

Aside from the cheating, I’m not sure I could be with someone who could father a child and then abandon it. Sounds like a scumbag.

Moretodo · 06/02/2022 20:26

He sounds like a charmer!

The child would be your children's half sibling.

And he told you in anger, to hurt you.

Wow.

MyDogsSpeakItalian · 06/02/2022 20:26

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this

That just makes him even more of a cunt. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t take an active role in their child’s life, regardless of circumstances.

KimikosNightmare · 06/02/2022 20:28

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
Well he's a real keeper , isn't he OP?

What a tosser.

rooarsome · 06/02/2022 20:28

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through OP. "On a break" or not, his actions are abhorrent. That poor child as well.

CeleriacOfTheNight · 06/02/2022 20:28

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
What a prince.
ButtockUp · 06/02/2022 20:30

An absolute 'no' from me.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2022 20:30

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
I'd dump him for that alone. He's a real prince, isn't he?
misspercy · 06/02/2022 20:30

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
He cheated on you.

He wouldn't have told you, if there hadn't been a baby as living evidence of his infidelity.

He thinks it's acceptable to ignore one of his children emotionally, and possibly financially.

You know you deserve better than this, yes?

Ginger1982 · 06/02/2022 20:31

Yuck. Sack him off.

Original poster
soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:31

Yes I have already told him that even if he dosent want anything to do with the child it won't change my mind and he should want to be their for the baby if anything I'm more hurt he never told me and like a few people have pointed out he told me during a argument if not I would off probably never known I know that I carnt go back it's not far just to do it for the kids

OP posts:
SamMil · 06/02/2022 20:32

God, no.

Not only did he get someone else pregnant, he has also:
1 - lied to you.
2 - only come clean, during an argument, to hurt you.
3 - said that he doesn't want to be in his child's life.

He's not exactly a catch, is he.

tkwal · 06/02/2022 20:32

Is it producing the child you can't forgive or the infidelity ? Was it a one night stand or a full blown affair ?. You see a one night stand can "just happen" for some men and can really mean nothing to them. An affair requires long term and frequent deception. Where do you draw the line ? What I find most difficult is that he wants nothing to do with his child. If he and the mother have agreed to no contact, fair enough but he should be making some provision for him/her. I come from a family that has a genetic condition requiring frequent tests , at the very least he should provide a medical history

hibbledibble · 06/02/2022 20:33

Not wanting anything to do with his child makes this even worse. The child is the innocent party, and deserves not to be disowned.

housemaus · 06/02/2022 20:34

He sounds like an absolute fucking shit. Hides that he got someone else pregnant MONTHS ago and then can't even step up and be there for the kid?

I'd be out of the door.

PollyPepper · 06/02/2022 20:34

You see a one night stand can "just happen" for some men

Ah yes those unruly penises of theirs just accidentally slipping in all the time, gosh how do they cope. Hmm

KimikosNightmare · 06/02/2022 20:35

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
I sincerely hope you just told us that by way of background and not because you think it makes the situation better.

It would actually be his sole redeeming feature if he had said this child will be part of his life.

Original poster
soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:35

I'm not sure if it was a one night thing or not he won't seem to give me a answer to the questions iv asked him just asks me to stop going on about it and it's hard to do that when I don't know all the facts and I think I'm more hurt about the fact he kept it from me for so long

OP posts:
TheChip · 06/02/2022 20:37

@soontobe3244

Yes I have already told him that even if he dosent want anything to do with the child it won't change my mind and he should want to be their for the baby if anything I'm more hurt he never told me and like a few people have pointed out he told me during a argument if not I would off probably never known I know that I carnt go back it's not far just to do it for the kids
So he has kids already but wants nothing to do with this other kid of his? That shows how shitty of a human he is.

Imagine that kid asking questions when older about why their dad was happy with other kids but not them.
I dont know how some men can pick and choose which kids they want.