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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner got someone else pregnant

216 replies

soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:13

I don't know what to do partner got someone else pregnant kept it from me only found out when we had a argument drunk says he wants to be with me and loves me but I carnt take him back now how would I ever forgive him?

OP posts:
AnAverageMum · 06/02/2022 21:23

I guarantee OP, one day you’ll look back and cringe at the thought you ever even let his penis near you. He sounds rank, truly rank. Fuck it off.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2022 21:26

@soontobe3244

I'm not sure if it was a one night thing or not he won't seem to give me a answer to the questions iv asked him just asks me to stop going on about it and it's hard to do that when I don't know all the facts and I think I'm more hurt about the fact he kept it from me for so long
Refusing to answer IS your answer.

If it was a true one night stand he would have easily admitted it. Most men who cheat have no problem saying "It was just a shag. It meant nothing". They have a lot harder time admitting to an ongoing relationship or 'fuck buddy'.

If you were on a break then you were on a break. Unless you and he verbally agreed that you would remain faithful to each other during this break then I supposed technically he didn't really cheat. But he did lie about the baby and that's about the most egregious lie a man can tell his partner.

kierenthecommunity · 06/02/2022 21:26

I'm not sure if it was a one night thing or not he won't seem to give me a answer to the questions iv asked him just asks me to stop going on about it

😳

And this is him ‘loving’ you and wanting to be with you? There’s you wanting to know the circumstances about what went on, with a view to trying to reconcile to it and move on. And his response is as if you are nagging about putting the washing away?

What an absolute weapon you have there

Lolabray · 06/02/2022 21:27

I’d be saying Nope .. bye 👋

WonderfulYou · 06/02/2022 21:28

I think it’s fine to have sex with other people on a break but not telling you when you got back together would be it from me - how can you possibly trust him if he kept something so big from you!
Imagine if he didn’t tell you then you might have not found out until a few years later and then you’d feel so embarrassed.

What’s also a massive red flag is that you broke up and then got back together and you’re still arguing - don’t you think the relationship obviously doesn’t work so it’s time to move on.

ilovemybeachhut · 06/02/2022 21:30

Can't keep it in his trousers, yet another dc with a so called df who wants to ignore it's exsistance.
What a total waste of space. Move on, onwards and upwards has always put me in good stead.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 06/02/2022 21:30

I think you've done the right thing in getting him to go. If you were broken up he will argue he hasn't cheated but that's not the point. If he was decent, he would be open and honest with you and answer all the questions you have to try and make this work, not tell you to leave it out. He would also support the child, not cut it out of his life. He sounds gross.

BottleOfSun · 06/02/2022 21:34

So you wasn’t together when he slept with the other lady? technically it’s not cheating, BUT he should of told you as soon as he found out that he was expecting a child.
The fact he wasn’t honest, won’t take responsibility for his actions and support the child would make me leave him if I was in your position.

HelloPanda12 · 06/02/2022 21:34

It’s a hard no from me, kick that man to the curb.

Cakecakecheese · 06/02/2022 21:35

He got someone else pregnant then asked you to stop going on about it. Wow.

Anyway I hope you're ok, this must be a difficult time.

Twillow · 06/02/2022 21:36

Slightly different if you were on a break. Needs more info e.g. when did he find out she was pregnant, how long has he kept this from you, why won't he answer your questions etc.
Not very impressed at not wanting anything to do with the child.
Doesn't sound like much of a keeper really.

Bambi7 · 06/02/2022 21:38

No chance.

NameChangeCity123 · 06/02/2022 21:40

@Proudboomer

Oh and get yourself a STI check as god only knows where he has been sticking his dick
This
HollowTalk · 06/02/2022 21:41

He really is a prince, isn't he? I would never ever forgive that.

TheRemotePart · 06/02/2022 21:42

OP hugs , you know the answer but of course , you’ll have to get there yourself

The shock will be setting in , in a few days or weeks the gravity of it will open your eyes and close your heart.
If this is what he is capable of, how much mor could her have possibly done to hurt your family ?
Break or not, I can’t see how this would o be acceptable to you. Sad

kierenthecommunity · 06/02/2022 21:44

I’m not convinced I believe in the concept of being ‘on a break’ when you live together and have a couple of DC. It’s not like being a couple in a newish relationship where the parties aren’t entirely committed, or they’re not sure they have a future. I don’t think I’d be impressed if my DH decided he wanted a ‘break’ and had a nice time away from his responsibilities, dipping his wick.

jackieh1987 · 06/02/2022 21:46

You need a license to drive a car.
Or watch a television.
But own a penis?
No, just crack on, you'll be right.

What a loser, get fucking rid as soon as OP.

Orchid876 · 06/02/2022 21:48

It's a bit different if you were on a break, but I wouldn't want to be with a man who wasn't willing to have a relationship with a DC.

KerryWeaver · 06/02/2022 21:49

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
What a prince.
AssemblySquare · 06/02/2022 21:50

@LoisLane66 I know they do. It’s a feature of modern life… still not one I would be willing to put up with!

Whatinthelord · 06/02/2022 21:51

I’m so sorry op. This must be really distressing.

I don’t think I’d be able to move past this and remain in a relationship with him. It’s one thing to move on from him having been with someone else, but I can’t see how that can happen once they have a child together.

Either he has nothing to do with the child…which would make him a shitty person. Or he does….which means they’ll be connection with the other woman ongoing through the child’s life. I couldn’t deal with either of those.

LoisLane66 · 06/02/2022 21:52

They don't sound like the sharpest tools in the box.

Porcupineintherough · 06/02/2022 21:54

People in healthy relationships dont just "take breaks", esp if they have children. So baby or no baby seems like the relationship was on the rocks.

ThePlumVan · 06/02/2022 21:54

Ugh easiest decision ever on MN. Or anywhere really.

BeefSupreme · 06/02/2022 21:58

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
Wow, what a pig you have there, op.