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Original poster

Partner got someone else pregnant

216 replies

soontobe3244 · 06/02/2022 20:13

I don't know what to do partner got someone else pregnant kept it from me only found out when we had a argument drunk says he wants to be with me and loves me but I carnt take him back now how would I ever forgive him?

OP posts:
tambelina · 07/02/2022 00:14

Presumably there have been some issues if you have been on a break. What do his actions say about how he values your relationship? I can understand you wanting to workt this through but I can imagine resentment building up over time.
Sorry this is happening to you Flowers

ScrollingLeaves · 07/02/2022 00:51

Why were you having a break given you have children and have been together 8 years?

Did he decide to leave then come back when you didn’t want this? Or did you split by mutual agreement?

1forAll74 · 07/02/2022 01:28

What would he be saying, if it was you having another mans child right now ? I would not trust this kind of man now, and would want him gone,

AKASammyScrounge · 07/02/2022 01:35

@soontobe3244

He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this
He will owe child maintenance. He cannot just say he doesn't want anything to do with his child.
GiantHaystacks2021 · 07/02/2022 01:59

Nope.
It's over.
He goes in the bin.

Weatherwax13 · 07/02/2022 02:53

What a bastard. This is a nightmare for you. Well done for kicking him out.
He's lied to you - and even now doesn't have the decency to give you the full story.
You can bet he's told a pack of lies to this pregnant woman too.

buddylicious · 07/02/2022 03:03

Was he sleeping with her when we were all meant to be self isolating?

Monty27 · 07/02/2022 03:08

It's an exit from me.

Longdistance · 07/02/2022 03:40

Why were you ‘on a break’ when you have dc together? It’s not great for the dc with him coming and going like a yo-yo. The relationship doesn’t have legs. Giving it a go would be the worst option. Your dc are about to get a brother or sister and if the dm has any sense a claim with CMS soon.

UniversalAunt · 07/02/2022 04:45

‘ He says he dosent want anything to do with the child and already told her this’

How very noble!
Especially when he will be making regular child support payments.

rainrainraincamedowndowndown · 07/02/2022 06:20

There's a child. Are you ok to have a life with someone who says he doesn't want anything to do with his own child?

Bessica1970 · 07/02/2022 06:25

I was exactly where you are 25 years ago. I took him back and he continued to be unfaithful through the next 5 years. I felt like a laughing stock!
He also said he didn’t want anything to do with the baby.

Can you honestly say everything else in your relationship is great too?

I eventually got rid and wish I had done years earlier. Life is too short to live with a player

WhatInFreshHell · 07/02/2022 06:33

The fact that he has openly said he wants nothing to do with the child is more concerning for me than anything else OP.

TheWeeDonkey · 07/02/2022 07:00

@soontobe3244

I'm not sure if it was a one night thing or not he won't seem to give me a answer to the questions iv asked him just asks me to stop going on about it and it's hard to do that when I don't know all the facts and I think I'm more hurt about the fact he kept it from me for so long
What a self serving piece of shit. He's only telling you what he thinks he can get away with telling you and what he thinks you want to hear. I don't know if I could stand living like that.

I'm so sorry, you must be devastated.

WherezWally · 07/02/2022 07:07

He wants nothing to do with the child? … so he’s a disgusting excuse for a partner and a disgusting excuse of a father? … and you are considering staying with him? Doesn’t make you look too decent either.

Migrainesbythedozen · 07/02/2022 07:20

I wouldn't want anything to do with a man who would reject his own child. Forget about the dishonesty, that would be the deal breaker for me.

RantyAunty · 07/02/2022 07:34

He's a POS

You mentioned having a break.
There's a reason for that. He's likely been a shirt partner before cheating and getting someone pregnant.

Roselilly36 · 07/02/2022 07:35

@Bessica1970

I was exactly where you are 25 years ago. I took him back and he continued to be unfaithful through the next 5 years. I felt like a laughing stock! He also said he didn’t want anything to do with the baby.

Can you honestly say everything else in your relationship is great too?

I eventually got rid and wish I had done years earlier. Life is too short to live with a player

Good advice, I know someone else who’s husband was continually unfaithful, what’s the point, leopards don’t change their spots. Good luck OP.
MissSmiley · 07/02/2022 07:41

@mumof2andstillsurviving

I know someone who had something similar happen to them. They split for a while and are now back together and co parent the child with the mum, having the child for half of the week. They managed to get past iand seem happy.
I also know a couple that are still together 20+ years after this happened and still happy
Sceptre86 · 07/02/2022 08:13

I'd ltb. I'm not strong enough to welcome a child conceived during my relationship into my family. I wouldn't want to see him or her.

My cousin did this to his wife and its caused no end of issues. He didn't have anything to do with the baby but his family did and welcomed their grandchild into their home. He stopped seeing his family for years, had kids with his wife who missed out on seeing uncles and grandparents. His son never got over the hurt of his dad's rejection even though his uncles and grandparents contributed financially and loved him, spent time etc. He has now gone nc with them all and his mother no longer facilitates the relationship now he is 18 and she doesn't need them for childcare. It was a shitshow all round and the boy and the wife were the ones that suffered.

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 08:20

That child was conceived when you were ‘on a break’.

There was a reason for being on a break in the first place. He has just added to that. The lies, not wanting to have anything to do with the child etc…

You’ve already split up.
Now you need to be ready to see him go his Merry way wo having ANYTHING to do with his two dcs.

Bouledeneige · 07/02/2022 08:23

He didn't tell you.
He doesn't want anything to do with his child.
He wants you to stop going on about it.
He's not worth it. The only way it would work is if he was on his knees begging for forgiveness and acknowledging the hurt he's caused, and even then it would be very very tough.

But most importantly he doesn't sound like he's worth the bother and you can do much better.

LadyPropane · 07/02/2022 08:35

He sounds like a complete wanker. What a horrible man he is.

Don't have anything more to with him. Leave him to his terrible choices and his decisions to be an awful father. Not your problem at all.

Superhanz · 07/02/2022 10:25

@lapasion

Aside from the cheating, I’m not sure I could be with someone who could father a child and then abandon it. Sounds like a scumbag.
I came on to say this, for me that would be worse than the cheating. He's a piece of shit. Get rid. Sorry for what you're going through but this guy is a fucking dead beat.
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2022 14:23

You and your children deserve SO much better than this sorry excuse for a man, @soontobe3244. Your first reaction - to tell him it is over between the two of you - is absolutely spot on.