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Original poster

Not all men..

479 replies

Jenna19871 · 05/02/2022 23:18

Spoke to DH about this tonight and he said ‘it’s not all men though is it?’

He’s right. It’s not all men. But I have experienced so much shit that wouldn’t be accepted nowadays (not tragic shit but just not acceptable)

At 19 my drink was drugged with rohypnol in the local night club, thankfully I didn’t drink it as it tasted ‘sour’. It was caught on CCTV. The man was banned for 2 weeks. 2 weeks!!!

I’ve taken the tube and had men put their hands on my butt/legs etc with me trying to move away. I didn’t shout, I should have!

None of these are awful stories but it just goes to show that when people say it’s not all men...but it is most women.

OP posts:
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TracyMosby · 05/02/2022 23:21

when people say it’s not all men...but it is most women
Ive said the same. It might not be all men but if it is most women it must be a pretty large majority.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 05/02/2022 23:28

Indeed, why don't men sort out the (supposedly few) men who are doing this shit to most women? If there are so few of them, they must be so easy to spot ...

Or Maybe Most Men Have No Idea

NewYearEveryYear · 05/02/2022 23:29

It's not 'all' men.

But it's enough of them that ALL women feel afraid, at times that men do not.

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 05/02/2022 23:29

In my experience, it's not all men. But it's always men.

NewYearEveryYear · 05/02/2022 23:30

And this particular woman didn't read the last line in your post OP, so repeated what you said (near enough). Apologies!

Passtherioja · 05/02/2022 23:34

I think you are correct with "it's most women." I haven't got any friends who don't have a tale to tell.

Whatwouldscullydo · 05/02/2022 23:34

I'm sick if having to make this disclaimer.

2 thirds if school girls have been sexually harassed.

My dd (15) has had many a bloke yell shit at her as she's walking to town

Either this tiny handful of dickhead men have somehow managed to defy the laws if physics by being I multiple towns and counties all at once in multiple time dimensions.

Or its just nore if them than anyone would like to admit

dipdye · 05/02/2022 23:36

No, it's not 100% of men, no.

But it's enough.

CorneliusBeefington · 05/02/2022 23:56

I read recently that "not all men" is the sexual violence equivalent of "all lives matter".

Chichimcgee · 05/02/2022 23:59

Obviously it’s not all men so the men who aren’t included in that statement should do something about it!

Instead of ‘banter’ and ‘jokes’ about women have the balls to stand up to your friends and colleagues. If you’re with a mate who catcalls, call him out on it! Don’t just sit there say ‘it’s not all men’ and not do your bit to make sure it doesn’t end up all women!

cuno · 06/02/2022 00:00

It's not all men, but it's enough men to affect most if not all women. It seems all my female friends and family have shared similar experiences.

What also irks me is when I've heard men saying in defence to this that some women do this to men too. As if there is a universal male experience of being sexually harassed and assaulted by women.

DropYourSword · 06/02/2022 00:04

No. It's not all men.
The problem is, the dickheads don't walk around handily highlighted for us to immediately detect. So we don't know which it is or isn't.

Whatwouldscullydo · 06/02/2022 00:07

If you’re with a mate who catcalls, call him out on it! Don’t just sit there say ‘it’s not all men’ and not do your bit to make sure it doesn’t end up all women!

The ones who don't do this directly profit from the ones who do.

Only with the creeps and arseholes , does doing nothing but acting like a regular human being should behave, gain you the honor of being considered one of the good guys having made no effort whatsoever to actually be one.

Imagine if they did in all seriousness call it out. Not in a " this guys making us look good, he's our step one input pulling strategy " way. But in a serious,n I'm not going to be friends with you - yell at u in a pub even if people are listening kind if way.

Imagine the effort youd have to put in to really stand out as a good man if you couldn't lower the bar with your Pervy best friend first.

Thats why things don't change

MintJulia · 06/02/2022 00:09

It isn't all men but it's enough of them, that increasing numbers of women just want to stay as far away from men as possible.

Which is terribly sad.

elgreco · 06/02/2022 00:09

My eldest son is 18. He and most of his friends have agreed while it's not ALL men it is ALWAYS men (following death of Aisling Murphy )

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/02/2022 00:15

Isn't it amazing how many people who say not all men magically don't know any men who 'are like that' but almost every woman they know will have known at least one man (overwhelmingly likely statistically to be multiple men) who is 'like that'. The maths doesn't add up. It's almost as if they aren't willing to face reality at all, isn't it?

Chichimcgee · 06/02/2022 00:21

magically don't know any men who 'are like that'

I think 99.9% of men make jokes, ‘banter’ are inappropriate and think it’s fine it’s just ‘lads’ how funny. Then the ones who wouldn’t actually take it further go home and their wives and kids and are in husband/dad mode. Their mates who are like that are then boosted by the solidarity of everyone and go on to harm women.

dontknowwhattpputhere · 06/02/2022 00:22

I wrote a poem about this a few months ago, through frustration that even the self-proclaimed "decent" and "nice" men would rather say "not all men" than actually listen. After all, does it really matter that it's not all men? Shouldn't men be horrified that men commit the vast majority of crime worldwide? It seems to just be an accepted unchangeable fact. Imagine the world if men self-organized to aim to lower male crime to female levels. Imagine they were successful. Does it seem impossible? Perhaps, but it's not surprising that women oppressed by men have little faith. Would the "Not All Men" crew believe in men enough to believe they can improve?

Anyway here's the poem (to be honest I think it's a little too nice to men Grin:

Now, I love men, but I'm just a little bit pensive
On why some of you seem to get so damn defensive?
To be clear, I don't want to start a pointless debate
And I really don't want to stoke division or hate
Leering, jeering, peering men are the minority
Lecherous, convinced of their superiority
Mind you, the mere mention of these miserable men
Elicits protesting cries of- "Not us- only them!"
Nobody's accusing you of a sexual crime
Anyway, those accused are unlikely to do time
Really, I wonder, do you even care about us?
Eventually these derails make it hard to trust
Like you think it's just a silly exaggeration
If you haven't seen it, it's our imagination
Know that other men change their ways when you're not around
Empathy these days is paper thin on the ground
True, "Women too", perhaps you may desperately state
However, the percentage of sex offenders who are male? - Ninety-eight.
Any excuse blaming nature is feeble and weak
Thank you to the men who dare to listen when we speak.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 06/02/2022 00:22

99% of all sex offences are committed by men.
Most murders are committed by men.

Men know what men are like, but when it's mostly women who are the victims of their shit behaviour, they have no reason to bother doing anything about it.

Sadly in my experience, it is a large % of men. Those who grab a woman's arse in a club or shout at teenage girls in school uniform out of their car windows, or make sexist, derogatory comments, all still think they are the good guys.

ISpyCobraKai · 06/02/2022 00:25

I pointed out to a man what was wrong,he vaguely apologised and did exactly the same thing I'd been talking about.Hmm

huuskymam · 06/02/2022 00:25

My teenage son wasn't getting why the not all men quote was so annoying, until I explained it simply. 5 men and 1 woman in the park, 1 man has an idea to attack the woman, obviously she doesn't know which one so has to be careful of all 5. She does know its not all men, but can't choose which one it might be.

Now with a clearly understanding he's educating his friends.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/02/2022 00:28

@Chichimcgee

magically don't know any men who 'are like that'

I think 99.9% of men make jokes, ‘banter’ are inappropriate and think it’s fine it’s just ‘lads’ how funny. Then the ones who wouldn’t actually take it further go home and their wives and kids and are in husband/dad mode. Their mates who are like that are then boosted by the solidarity of everyone and go on to harm women.

I agree - the men who 'aren't like that' don't seem to understand that plenty of men don't 'just' do those misogyny-lite things (still gross things) they don't call out and that's why they should call them out. And no matter how many times we explain the link between the low level micro agressions and VAWG so many of them seem utterly unwilling to actually take it on board. It's so disappointing.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/02/2022 00:28

@Whatsnewpussyhat

99% of all sex offences are committed by men. Most murders are committed by men.

Men know what men are like, but when it's mostly women who are the victims of their shit behaviour, they have no reason to bother doing anything about it.

Sadly in my experience, it is a large % of men. Those who grab a woman's arse in a club or shout at teenage girls in school uniform out of their car windows, or make sexist, derogatory comments, all still think they are the good guys.

I agree, completely.
DickMabutt73962 · 06/02/2022 00:29

'Not all men, but all of them are men.'

(nearly all)

100% of men may not be perpetrators of heinous crimes, but nearly 100% of perpetrators of heinous crimes are men.

Blinky21 · 06/02/2022 00:30

It isn't most men in my experience