Not all men..

[Jenna19871]

Spoke to DH about this tonight and he said ‘it’s not all men though is it?’

He’s right. It’s not all men. But I have experienced so much shit that wouldn’t be accepted nowadays (not tragic shit but just not acceptable)

At 19 my drink was drugged with rohypnol in the local night club, thankfully I didn’t drink it as it tasted ‘sour’. It was caught on CCTV. The man was banned for 2 weeks. 2 weeks!!!

I’ve taken the tube and had men put their hands on my butt/legs etc with me trying to move away. I didn’t shout, I should have!

None of these are awful stories but it just goes to show that when people say it’s not all men...but it is most women.

@huuskymam

My teenage son wasn't getting why the not all men quote was so annoying, until I explained it simply. 5 men and 1 woman in the park, 1 man has an idea to attack the woman, obviously she doesn't know which one so has to be careful of all 5. She does know its not all men, but can't choose which one it might be.

Now with a clearly understanding he's educating his friends.

Isn't it depressing though how this needs to be carefully and kindly explained by women for it to suddenly click, when it's just so bloody obvious? I appreciate your son is a teenager so is learning all the time but even so, worrying that it needs to be clearly reiterated or justified to be taken seriously.

@Blinky21

It isn't most men in my experience

No, but it's mostly men

@huuskymam

My teenage son wasn't getting why the not all men quote was so annoying, until I explained it simply. 5 men and 1 woman in the park, 1 man has an idea to attack the woman, obviously she doesn't know which one so has to be careful of all 5. She does know its not all men, but can't choose which one it might be.

Now with a clearly understanding he's educating his friends.

And if it were 5 women and 1 man in the park, the man wouldn't bat an eyelid or even think any of those women might attack him.

@Blinky21

It isn't most men in my experience

Thats really good news you've never been harassed in any way by men. But youre not in the majority.

I don't care how many women come on threads to say their DH/DS isn't like that or how many men say all the right things when this comes up. It's not every single man obviously, but its by far the majority. They might not all be grabbing arses and shouting crude comments but there's few that don't engage in the more subtle behaviours, laughing at the jokes, eyeing you up in the street. Besides, so what if its not all? The ones that don't do it are irrelevant, and certainly don't need to be centering themselves in this as some form of self propaganda.

It's not all men, but it's not this vanishingly tiny minority that's too small to have any impact on our day to day lives.

The number who would indeed rape and kill if they thought they could get away with it is higher still if the avalanche of threats to JKR is anything to go by.

I hate that response.

Instead of acknowledging this serious problem you just get a defensive not me not me namalt response.

So we are supposed to prioritise men's feelings over women's safety and ensure we soothe them by saying namalt namalt namalt so sorry to offend you sir may we please discuss widespread violence against women good sir if we fly the namalt flag high

Again.

And again.

And again.

I think replacing "all" with something else would be better.
By using all it implies every single one so basically OP has accused her DH of being like that.

Is it some men, all of the time? Or is it all men, taking turns?

With men like your DP having the occasional moment that they dismiss as banter or a deserved put-down or a compliment or just a (rapey) joke and forget about as soon as it is done; but which the targeted women recognise as a MeToo moment?

As another OP mentions, if it were just a few men, they'd have to be capable of living in multiple locations at once.

I find the 'good guy' label rather troubling too. Not harassing women is the absolute baseline. I've never grabbed anyone's arse in my life. I don't expect a round of applause for it. If you're a man who thinks you don't do this, fine. Don't collude with it, call it out if you feel up to it, but otherwise, pipe down and move along. Not everything's about you.

It's funny how they seem to think it's a valid defense. For example, an attack is put down to a member of a certain religion. As a result, the places of worship of that religion get defaced, others of that religion get harassed on public transport etc.

But arguably, a far higher proportion of men are misogynists, than members of that religion are terrorists. So why is it not being "all men" enough for most men to justify doing nothing at all?

Not all men are like this but almost all those like this are men. That is my standard response.

I think the statistic is that 97% of women have experienced sexual harassment. So it might not be all men, but there must be a lot of them, and they’re putting in a lot of work to make up for the ones who don’t.

Except the irony is, the men who say ‘not all men’ are actually part of that spectrum. Firmly placing themselves as The Good Ones, instead of doing something to make women safer. Still anti-women.

I read the law for hate crime.

Increased sentence if the crime involves hate toward 5 protected groups.

Race
Religion
Disability
Sexual orientation
Trans identity

Struck me that it doesn’t include sex. So if you assault a woman while shouting that you hate women and women should be in the kitchen, that isn’t a hate crime, and the sentence is less?

Shows how much the men in power think of women.

www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/hate-crime

@Blinky21

It isn't most men in my experience

No but it's almost always men. You're lucky if you haven't experienced harassment or violence at the hands of men but most women have.

@MsAgnesDiPesto

I think the statistic is that 97% of women have experienced sexual harassment. So it might not be all men, but there must be a lot of them, and they’re putting in a lot of work to make up for the ones who don’t.

I'll be amazed if it's that low.

@Pumperthepumper

Except the irony is, the men who say ‘not all men’ are actually part of that spectrum. Firmly placing themselves as The Good Ones, instead of doing something to make women safer. Still anti-women.

Absolutely

If they would stop wailing namalt and actually speak up maybe they could make a difference.

@lucillelarusso

Not all men are like this but almost all those like this are men. That is my standard response.

Bingo.

When are they going to wake up to the damage they or others are doing? Never. Why should they? The non violent ones benefit from what the violent ones do by keeping women fearful and vulnerable..

@lucillelarusso

Not all men are like this but almost all those like this are men. That is my standard response.

Why don't people say most in the first place.

It’s not “all men”.
But if you were handed a 6-pack of beer and were told one of them was full of piss, you’d be pretty fucking wary of all of them wouldn’t you?!!
That’s the analogy I’ve used to explain it to morons I’ve encountered. Rapists and abusers generally don’t wander around with huge flashing neon signs round their necks declaring their scumbag status. So women generally are on their guard around all men until they know the person well enough to let that guard drop a little. Not fully. I don’t think it ever drops fully.

Except the irony is, the men who say ‘not all men’ are actually part of that spectrum. Firmly placing themselves as The Good Ones, instead of doing something to make women safer. Still anti-women.

I saw a comedian talk about this. He said that if 1 in 10 men are scum and the other 9 stand there and do nothing, they might as well not fucking be there.
Seems to be a massive issue with men thinking “well I’m not part of the problem so I must be part of the solution” - yeah. Well done. Pass “Go” and collect your “I’ve never raped anyone” medal What needs to happen, is men need to start pulling up other men on their behaviour.
For example: Everyone has witnessed a man harassing or being vulgar to a woman in a pub. How many of those people have called the perpetrator out on that behaviour? My guess is not many. I work in bars, and have done for a while. I see it all the time. Uncomfortable women everywhere. I try my best. I do what I can. But it still happens, almost every single shift I see it. And I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen a man be pulled up on his behaviour by another man. Even just a quick “Mate, leave her alone. That’s not on”. Maybe 4 or 5 times in the few years I’ve worked in bars.

It’s not all men. But unfortunately the men that it is don’t wear tabards so all women have to fear all men as we can’t tell which men it actually is.

@Blinky21

It isn't most men in my experience

So there are just the odd one or two raping 51% of women who are asleep in their beds and sexually assaulting the 99.7% of females who have experienced it multiple times by the time they are 18.

Geez it must be a full time job for those 'few' men!

It is most.