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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH gave his female coworker a lift home past midnight

364 replies

Hexagonmum · 05/02/2022 22:49

So my husband went to a works drink after work on Friday, around midnight he messaged me asking if he should get us a McDonald's, replied back saying in bed but yeah why not.
A few mins later I had no response back from him whether he was going to get McDonald's or not so I called him and I could tell he was in the car when he answered. I mentioned get the takeaway and he said do I want fries and when I was about to respond I hear a female voice. He was giving one of his coworkers a lift home past midnight!
This I'm not going to lie really got my back up.
Am I reading too much into this???

OP posts:
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 07/02/2022 22:03

Yes. He did a nice thing to make sure a woman was safe. I would be proud if I were you.

Nocutenamesleft · 07/02/2022 22:03

Here

DH gave his female coworker a lift home past midnight
BABAHOTEL · 07/02/2022 22:03

@Nocutenamesleft maybe ask hubby? He might know?

Nocutenamesleft · 07/02/2022 22:05

Hehehehe

DeedIDo · 07/02/2022 22:05

@Wheresmywoolyjumpers

Yes. He did a nice thing to make sure a woman was safe. I would be proud if I were you.
Me too
Nocutenamesleft · 07/02/2022 22:08

I ageee. He did do a nice thing. With sarah Everard. Women have to take such pains and that case showed that we can’t even trust police etc. So I think it was a lovely thing to do and I wouldn’t mind if my husband did it.

However if it makes your spider senses tingle as such. Maybe you mistrust him in other ways but this is what brought it to a head?

BABAHOTEL · 07/02/2022 22:15

@Nocutenamesleft

I ageee. He did do a nice thing. With sarah Everard. Women have to take such pains and that case showed that we can’t even trust police etc. So I think it was a lovely thing to do and I wouldn’t mind if my husband did it.

However if it makes your spider senses tingle as such. Maybe you mistrust him in other ways but this is what brought it to a head?

OP has acknowledged she's been unreasonable!
Nocutenamesleft · 07/02/2022 22:16

Gosh. You do like me don’t you 😘

BABAHOTEL · 07/02/2022 22:18

@Nocutenamesleft

Gosh. You do like me don’t you 😘
You and hubby obs!

Just get you and hubby to read the OPs posts, it's quite simple!

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 07/02/2022 22:19

Men and women can be friends nowadays without having to have a quick shag 😹 as a woman who is mostly friends with males it really gets my back up when people automatically assume your sleeping together....

Nocutenamesleft · 07/02/2022 22:22

Heheh

Well this has been amazing fun

But I must go onto other threads (I know you want to keep me here obvs. Me and hubs)

But not feed the troll and all that.

Ta ta.

headintheproverbial · 07/02/2022 23:01

YABU for getting MacDonald's past midnight when you're already in bed!

jentinquarantino20 · 08/02/2022 00:53

I haven’t read the whole thread but as someone who has walked home many times in the past after midnight from work, I would welcome a lift from a colleague. It’s nice of him to make sure she’s home safe. Can’t trust anyone on the streets.

swampygirl · 08/02/2022 01:48

Sounds like you're insecure where other women are concerned.
If he doesn't have a track record for cheating then he was being chivalrous. I'm afraid YABU.

Nikkidolphin · 08/02/2022 09:57

He makes sure his female colleague gets home safely whilst also offering to bring home food for you. He sounds like a keeper to me.

thenovice · 08/02/2022 10:03

My DH would have given someone a lift home, but he would have told me that he was doing that at the same time as asking about the MacDonalds. It's a bit weird not to mention it.

MarvellousMonsters · 08/02/2022 11:16

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Would you rather she walked home??
This. Unless you have reason to suspect he's cheating, why would this bother you. Better that he gets her home safe.
melj1213 · 08/02/2022 14:41

@thenovice

My DH would have given someone a lift home, but he would have told me that he was doing that at the same time as asking about the MacDonalds. It's a bit weird not to mention it.
Unless he'd already messaged about the McDonald's and didn't offer the colleague a lift until after that - I wouldn't expect a second message from a partner to proactively say they were dropping off a colleague unless it was going to significantly affect the time it took to get home.

So for example if he's at a venue 10 minutes away, McDonald's was enroute back I'd expect him home in ~ 20 mins. If colleague also lives enroute home then I'd just expect my partner to mention it when getting home (ie "Sorry I was a bit longer, Anne was going to walk home and I offered her a lift since she lives nearby") but if the colleague lives 10 mins in the other direction from the venue it would be adding at least an extra 20 mins to the journey so I'd want a message just so I knew not to expect them home for 40 mins as opposed to the usual 20mins

SaySomethingMan · 08/02/2022 22:57

@melj1213 it certainly depends on the timeline, yes and everyone’s relationship is different.

If I were in OP’s partner’s case, knowing my DP was waiting for a takeaway after midnight and my plans changed after McDonald’s prearrangement, I’d be letting him know I’d be delayed due to said lift. My DH would do the same.

This is of course, assuming I’m not giving a lift to someone who lives on the way to McDonald’s but would be adding time to my journey.

Not a big deal but it’s common courtesy imo

Doratheexploret · 08/02/2022 23:00

Well 11pm would have been fine but past midnight!!! 😱. No he should have made her walk,.

For goodness sake what’s the issue?

Diana2022 · 09/02/2022 02:33

We don’t know the full facts but I wouldn’t mind him giving her a lift home she needs to get home safely.
He is also allowed to have friends and be friends whoever he chooses.
The one thing I would love to know is did he try to hide that she was in the car or was he open and honest about her being in the car? If he tried to hide the fact she was in there then it would be questionable.

PurplePenguins · 09/02/2022 05:52

Personally. I would be OK with it. A cab, bus or walking home alone after midnight is not safe for anyone. I would be glad he made sure she got home safely.

Bertiebiscuit · 11/02/2022 23:30

There must be a reason why you don't trust him - has cheated before, or is it in your nature not to trust men? You need to figure this out, if he's cheated before then you have plainly got reason to doubt him, and you need to have this out with him. If not, maybe you need to think about your suspicious response to something that sounds fairly innocuous to me.

mallees · 11/02/2022 23:35

I see a bigger problem with having McDonald's in the middle of the night and after you've gone to bed..

melj1213 · 12/02/2022 13:04

The one thing I would love to know is did he try to hide that she was in the car or was he open and honest about her being in the car? If he tried to hide the fact she was in there then it would be questionable.

Unless they are the stupidest people in the world, if the OPs partner was cheating then surely it would be cheating 101 to ensure that when he's on the phone to his partner his mistress keeps her mouth shut (especially if there is nobody else in the car that she could be talking to) and if he can't trust her to do that he doesn't answer the phone while he's driving?