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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH gave his female coworker a lift home past midnight

364 replies

Hexagonmum · 05/02/2022 22:49

So my husband went to a works drink after work on Friday, around midnight he messaged me asking if he should get us a McDonald's, replied back saying in bed but yeah why not.
A few mins later I had no response back from him whether he was going to get McDonald's or not so I called him and I could tell he was in the car when he answered. I mentioned get the takeaway and he said do I want fries and when I was about to respond I hear a female voice. He was giving one of his coworkers a lift home past midnight!
This I'm not going to lie really got my back up.
Am I reading too much into this???

OP posts:
PrivateHall · 06/02/2022 11:04

@TheVolturi

Erm, not looking for a fight nope! Stating the obvious that women do not need men to keep them safe. Completely agreed that the man did nothing wrong, and even the right thing by giving this woman a lift. BUT almost every comment is like, thank god he did! Which is extreme. I guess I'm more of a feminist than I thought. But then again, this is Aibu where people go out of their way to prove the op wrong no matter what the topic.
But I would feel the same of the sexes were reversed - if the female was the driver and DH was the one stuck for getting home - I would expect her to give him a lift. It is simply called being nice surely. Maybe I view it differently because I am usually the driver and am always happy to give anyone in my group a lift home, I can sleep easier anyway knowing everyone is home safe and happy to save them the taxi fare. I thought this was normal, I guess not!
PrivateHall · 06/02/2022 11:07

@CourtRand

I also hope he wasn't drunk driving
I know its really hard to believe, but some of us don't actually drink alcohol. Who knew! Why on earth you thought to jump to that is absolutely beyond me Hmm
RedskyThisNight · 06/02/2022 11:08

@Isittimeformynapyet
THAN! "Than" drop her off.
I never know if this is a typo or if people really don't know the difference between "then" and "than". It's everywhere.

I can confirm (for myself anyway) that I am just a really bad typist. And do know the difference between "than" and "then". And am in fact a person who shudders at "your welcome" and "you should of".
Hope that helps to reassure somewhat?

MrsWinters · 06/02/2022 11:08

He did the right thing making sure she got home safe late at night. As women we should be looking out for each other’s safety, not putting each other in dangerous situations because of unwarranted jealousy.

TheHaka · 06/02/2022 11:14

I’d be more annoyed that the woman interrupted when you were having a conversation. Who is this Mac Donald? There was something on here about this bloke last week 🤔

TwittleBee · 06/02/2022 11:17

I'd give any colleague a life home, regardless of their sex and I'd expect DH to do the same (except he doesn't drive).

Friday night, I was very grateful that 2 male colleagues ensured we shared a taxi, making the first stop my hotel before their own. Its about looking out for each other.

trunktoes · 06/02/2022 11:19

You sound very insecure ? YABU

BABAHOTEL · 06/02/2022 11:24

@CourtRand

I also hope he wasn't drunk driving
Why would he be? What made you jump to that conclusion?
Floydthebarber · 06/02/2022 11:31

Your dp gives people lifts home and picks you up late night McDonalds? Can we clone him?

AlternativePerspective · 06/02/2022 11:36

Oh no, he gave a female a lift home. What a bastard eh. Leave him immediately. Hmm

MrsWinters · 06/02/2022 12:05

So I bonked a man in his car last night, he the took me to Maccie Ds drive thru for afters only to tell me it’s for his wife! Angry

I didn’t even get a Big Mac. Just his medium one. Life as the “other woman” is tough.

LoisLane66 · 06/02/2022 12:05

Didn't you think that she may not have been able to book a taxi? Maybe she tried or mentioned phoning one when everyone started to make a move. Its usual for others to ask how you're getting home and if they're not going out of their way, offer a lift.
You're being very suspicious. Give a dog a bad name and all that.

HaveringWavering · 06/02/2022 12:17

I couldn’t past the idea that you’d go to bed then get up again to eat McDonalds. That is all kinds of grim.

Your husband sounds like a gentlemen though.

Agrudge · 06/02/2022 12:22

@HaveringWavering

I couldn’t past the idea that you’d go to bed then get up again to eat McDonalds. That is all kinds of grim.

Your husband sounds like a gentlemen though.

What's grim about wanting a midnight snackConfused
Agrudge · 06/02/2022 12:23

@AlternativePerspective

Oh no, he gave a female a lift home. What a bastard eh. Leave him immediately. Hmm
She should leave him. He might have chance of a happy life
twinkie100 · 06/02/2022 12:28

He's giving a colleague a lift so they get home safe, and picking you up a McDonald's..? Sounds like a keeper!! Don't overthink it, he sounds lovely and nothing untoward.

NeverChange · 06/02/2022 12:55

I always find I get a super surge of horniness once the clock strikes 12am. That coupled with the highly know aphrodisiac that is a McChicken nugget, I would just have to seduce your husband without a second thought!!! Grease and a married man, what more could a woman want!!! Especially one on the phone to his wife!

Seriously though, cop yourself on and get a grip over your insecurities. He did a nice thing. He didn't hide it from you. There is nothing to suggest anything untoward. If he had let her walk home alone and something happened to her, you would probably be annoyed with him too.

SartresSoul · 06/02/2022 12:57

Unless you have reason to believe something sinister happened then YABU.

BABAHOTEL · 06/02/2022 12:58

@HaveringWavering

I couldn’t past the idea that you’d go to bed then get up again to eat McDonalds. That is all kinds of grim.

Your husband sounds like a gentlemen though.

Why would you get up? Just eat it in bed!
Original poster
Hexagonmum · 06/02/2022 14:35

I appreciate all your replies, lol I actually told my husband how I felt and told him how I posted on MN, I mentioned the gist of everyone's replies and he's on cloud 9 right now...
With regards to how I felt knowing that a female was in his car after a night out, yes, it was jealousy, I know he'll never cheat on me, it's just not in his nature, it's more me in the sense that I haven't had a night out with him, I'm always home and knowing that he's having a laugh and joke with others when we've not had that in a while just hit a nerve...I explained all this to him and we've come to a decision to make a conscious effort to have a date night once a month...thanks ladies, even the brutal responses were much needed to snap me out of this crazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hexagonmum · 06/02/2022 14:36

Oh and McDonald's after I went to bed was bloody delicious. Yes obvi that night I had to brush my teeth twice in a night but so worth it Wink

OP posts:
BABAHOTEL · 06/02/2022 15:55

@Hexagonmum

Oh and McDonald's after I went to bed was bloody delicious. Yes obvi that night I had to brush my teeth twice in a night but so worth it Wink
Did you eat it in bed? I would have! 😋
Kite22 · 06/02/2022 16:01

@TheVolturi

Yep I agree that he did nothing wrong but I'm a bit 🙄🙄🙄 at everyone making it it's the mans responsibility to get the woman home?? Why? There are taxis! It's a bit like awwww poor defenceless woman needs big brave safe lovely man to take her home, errrr, OK. Most of us can sort our own transport out.
It isn't the man's "responsibility", but it is just a nice thing to do. When I am driving, I'd offer friends I was out with a lift home, a) to save them waiting for a taxi b) to save them money. It wouldn't really matter whether my friend were a man or a woman. I've always done this. It just seems a normal, human thing to do. All that said, I am aware either my ds or my dd could be mugged, or stabbed, or beaten up on a late night walk home, but then there is another level of horror that could happen to my dds that wouldn't very likely happen to my ds, so actually, yes, it isn't strange that people would just go the extra mile to prevent a lone female walking or waiting for a taxi than they would a lone male.

I agree with OP, it's the fact that it's past midnight that makes it really bad, I'd let a male colleague give me a lift home at 11.30pm but no later
I know tone and facial expression doesn't come across in posts, but can someone tell me if this poster was actually being serious ? Confused

Isittimeformynapyet · 06/02/2022 18:56

[quote RedskyThisNight]@Isittimeformynapyet
THAN! "Than" drop her off.
I never know if this is a typo or if people really don't know the difference between "then" and "than". It's everywhere.

I can confirm (for myself anyway) that I am just a really bad typist. And do know the difference between "than" and "then". And am in fact a person who shudders at "your welcome" and "you should of".
Hope that helps to reassure somewhat?[/quote]
Thanks RedskyThisnight, you have indeed reassured me. And thank you for tolerating my question.

Isaisa · 06/02/2022 18:57

I’d be annoyed if my DH didn’t give her a lift!!!