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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this wedding invitation would annoy you?

262 replies

Limita · 04/02/2022 18:53

The invitation is to a wedding 2.5 hours away from where most guests live, and will require an overnight stay. The save the date went out months ago, and accommodation was booked. The invitations have now gone out to say that only the bride and groom's immediate family will be invited to the ceremony, and the rest of the guests are invited to join them for a party afterwards.

Would this bother you?

YABU - this is rude and guests should have been told earlier
YANBU - getting married is a personal experience and it's the party people care about attending

OP posts:
Meandthesky · 04/02/2022 18:54

Guests should’ve been told before accommodation had to be booked.

Hellocatshome · 04/02/2022 18:55

I think the original save the date should have been clear about what they were being invited to. I wouldn't personally mind because like you say the party is the bit I like the most but some people probably would.

Chickychoccyegg · 04/02/2022 18:56

I wouldn't travel 2.5 hours and book accommodation for a party

Teeturtle · 04/02/2022 18:56

I would have preferred to have know before I booked my accommodation,. But I always book accommodation on a cancellable basis so it wouldn’t be an especially big deal if I decided not to go.

FawnFrenchieMum · 04/02/2022 18:57

Guests should have been told, but let’s be honest, the ceremony part is boring for anyone but the bride & groom and we all go for the party afterwards

Crunched · 04/02/2022 18:58

Guess it depends how fabulous the party is.

Returnoftheowl · 04/02/2022 18:58

I'd expected to have been informed before I booked the accomodation that the invitation is to the reception only.

2.5 hours and an overnight stay seems a bit much for a reception only.

BunnyRuddington · 04/02/2022 18:59

YABU

whenwilliwillibefamous · 04/02/2022 18:59

Depends. If the actual ceremony is 10 mins and then the reception/party starts right away, that's one thing. If OTOH there's a bundle of hanging around / having to find lunch while the Actual Wedding People travel to and from the ceremony and have a full wedding mass while there...

Returnoftheowl · 04/02/2022 18:59

Is this your wedding reception or one you've been invited to?

TheFallenMadonna · 04/02/2022 19:00

Wouldn't bother me.

Anonymous48 · 04/02/2022 19:01

I would not be impressed if I was sent a Save The Date to a wedding, made plans accordingly, and was then told I wasn't actually invited to the wedding!

Bananarama21 · 04/02/2022 19:01

Is the party the wedding breakfast or evening do? If its the latter then they are out of order.

MichelleScarn · 04/02/2022 19:03

Are they providing food etc at the party?

Original poster
Limita · 04/02/2022 19:04

@Bananarama21

Is the party the wedding breakfast or evening do? If its the latter then they are out of order.
There isn't a breakfast. It's an early evening ceremony and straight into the reception that everyone is invited to.
OP posts:
Original poster
Limita · 04/02/2022 19:05

@MichelleScarn

Are they providing food etc at the party?
Yes, there will be food provided.
OP posts:
Normandy144 · 04/02/2022 19:07

I think it's poor form to send a save the date for an evening invitation. A save the date in my opinion is for the whole wedding, ceremony and reception.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 04/02/2022 19:09

Are they paying for the accommodation?

If they are then I think that’s okay.

If you’re paying for accommodation for an evening party then I think that’s too much.

KylieCharlene · 04/02/2022 19:09

@Normandy144

I think it's poor form to send a save the date for an evening invitation. A save the date in my opinion is for the whole wedding, ceremony and reception.
Agree
Theblacksheepandme · 04/02/2022 19:09

Not having to go to the actual ceremony would be a bonus for me. I do think they should have let people know this on the invites though.

StoneofDestiny · 04/02/2022 19:10

I have been to some amazing parties, but not one I'd be prepared to drive 2.5 hours to get to and pay to stay overnight at a hotel.

miltonj · 04/02/2022 19:10

Yeah I think they should have been clear from the beginning. Then people could make their minds up based on that.

I'd be quite disappointed to not see the ceremony (assuming it's someone I care about, which it probably is considering I'm invited to their wedding), but would likely still go to the reception and have a great time. But yes, they 100% should have been upfront.

anon12345678901 · 04/02/2022 19:11

@Normandy144

I think it's poor form to send a save the date for an evening invitation. A save the date in my opinion is for the whole wedding, ceremony and reception.
I agree. I wouldn't pay for an overnight stay for a wedding reception alone.
nocoolnamesleft · 04/02/2022 19:12

Poor form. If not invited to the actual wedding, I wouldn't want to travel 2.5 hours and have to pay to stay. Just for a party.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 04/02/2022 19:12

So the ceremony starts at 5 and the receptions starts at 6 I'd be ok with it. But if the ceremony was a 2/3 hour event with travel etc I'd probably be unimpressed. (I love the ceremony so I'd be disappointed either way, but I understand why you might want it to be intimate and that some people find it boring)

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