To ask if this wedding invitation would annoy you?

[Limita]

The invitation is to a wedding 2.5 hours away from where most guests live, and will require an overnight stay. The save the date went out months ago, and accommodation was booked. The invitations have now gone out to say that only the bride and groom's immediate family will be invited to the ceremony, and the rest of the guests are invited to join them for a party afterwards.

Would this bother you?

YABU - this is rude and guests should have been told earlier
YANBU - getting married is a personal experience and it's the party people care about attending

Are you (or the bride and groom if you’re the invited one) atleast providing some table wine?

I would not be happy to pay for accommodation for a party with buffet only where I’d have to pay for drinks too. I’d cancel.

I voted the wrong way.
You clearly think it’s not unreasonable given the voting preferences you have offered. I assume you are the bride?

I pretty much did that for my wedding. Everyone came. A lot of friends drove 4+ hours. We had a good time and everyone came round for a BBQ the day after. I think people were told in advance that we were just having a tiny ceremony/wedding breakfast. I’d previously had a wedding cancellation by the groom (who was having an affair) and really couldn’t face a big do. We had 200 in the evening.

Have you got your voting options the wrong way round?
I assumed that the YANBU option would be that it’s rude and guests should have been told earlier.

Unless you’re the bride and are surprised that your guests are annoyed??

What am I missing here.

A wedding IS just a party. Unless people are meaning that they would drive a five hours round trip and stay overnight to listen to someone say two words to someone else, presumably that part being the “actual wedding”

I have zero memories of the “actual wedding” part of any weddings I’ve been to, but I do remember the parties

Are you the bride?

Cheeky fuckers.

So there isn't even a few drinks included?

Why is the wedding 2.5 hours away? Because that's where their family lives or because they fancy a particular venue and fuck their guests?

A save the date is for the whole day IMO.

Is a wedding not a public event anyway? There was certainly people I barely knew / church members at my ceremony that weren't invited.

I'd be really annoyed.

I like weddings, the ceremony to me is the main part. No matter how much I love you I'm not staying late and dancing. I would not travel and stay overnight for anything but a Michelin Star meal and you don't get that at any wedding I've ever been to.

A buffet. WTF!

I'd stay at home and leave them to it.

Are they afraid one of the guests was going to stand up and say yes to the 'any objections' question?

Not being invited to the ceremony, AND having to buy my own drinks? Thanks, but no thanks!

Why were save the dates sent out if the B&G had no intention of inviting said guests to the actual wedding?

Then for the guests to find out that they weren’t invited once accommodation was booked?

Very poor form B&G.

I attended a wedding under similar circumstances, however we knew about this beforehand, therefore we didn’t book accommodation and we drove there and back in a day. It wasn’t a huge problem, if it’s what they wanted then that’s fine. But I would have been very annoyed if I’d booked accommodation and then found this out.

I once travelled 3 freaking hours for a ceremony and not invited to the meal then invited to the party after. What a stupid idea for a wedding. Personally if you can’t invite everyone for the whole day then just say it’s a small intimate wedding from the start!

I’ve never understood the only evening do invite

OP is it your wedding?

The vows are the most important part of a wedding to me, not the party. That is why we didn't have an evening do at our wedding, just the ceremony and a meal.

I wouldn't want to book accommodation for what is simply a glorified party.

If the B&G were honest about the plans before the guests booked accommodation then fine. Otherwise that's really unfair of them.

If you like the accommodation and it’s somewhere picturesque, perhaps weekend away would be nice and bin the wedding?

I'm guessing they cant fit everyone in the cemerony room or the bride and groom is having a wobble

I'd be seriously pissed off. The ceremony is the only bit I'm bothered about, assuming I care about at least one of the couple- the party is nice if there are other people there I know, but it's not the point.

2.5 hours travel and an overnight stay for an evening only function with just a buffet and a pay bar?

Sorry that's not unreasonable. It's an absolute piss take!

The usual misunderstanding between a marriage and a party. I thought the ceremony was always a public occasion that didn't require invitations. If it's a save the date I'd be expecting a traditional invitation to the whole shebang.

I wouldn't go and would be irritated that I had received a save the date then not been invited to the actual wedding.
Bizarre behaviour from the bride and groom

No, I would cancel the accommodation and not attend.

My assumption reading this is that the bride and groom were aware most people wouldn't accept the invite if they knew the specifics, so did a save the date/book accommodation to manipulate them into attending.