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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex has thrown cat litter on me when asked to leave tonight

182 replies

Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:03

I allowed my Ex who I had been friends with since the break up a year ago, to stay in my spare room for the last two weeks as he has recently become homeless. I have a 2 year old daughter who went to bed tonight at 18:30, at 10pm I said I was going to bed and he said I'm gonna go to my bed too he goes upstairs I'm cleaning up (more of his mess) all he does is lay on his bed most of the day and go down for food and leave a mess (doesn't work he's far too lazy for that) I'd been at work got home and tidied it all up, anyway he started singing really really loud! I said X stop singing please your going to wake my DD up he started shouting and singing louder, I shouted up to him "shut up" which probably isn't the nicest thing to say but I just feel he has no respect for me my house or my daughter and he said "eww fuck off you fat cow" under his breath but I heard it so I asked him to get out of my house and he proceeded to throw a dirty cat litter box full contents all down stairs and on me at the bottom, then told me he was "on his dad's grave" (very immature thing for a 32 year old to say) going to smash my window and car tonight. He left after calling me some more names and I have reported it to the police but I feel so bad for some reason because I asked him to leave at 10pm and he doesn't have any where else to go he's just so snappy and can be nasty and makes me feel like I'm walking on egg shells in my own home and I don't want my daughter around him to be honest. I gave him a set of rules when I allowed him to stay such as don't smoke in the house don't be too loud don't go to sleep with lights on tidy up after yourself and don't slob around on my sofa all day and night and since he stayed he's smoked in my house left his stuff everywhere woke us up at half 4 in the morning yesterday being so loud and sitting in my front room watching stupid YouTube stuff not allowing me time to relax after either work or looking after my daughter all day.
Abiu for asking him to leave at 10pm for shouting and singing upstairs when my daughter is asleep?
Sorry if it doesn't read very well due to bad grammar I'm just so angry!

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 04/02/2022 00:10

Do not let him back in. He has nowhere to go? Not your problem, he is an adult bc and is costing you stress and money and being an abusive dick head as well.

Theballoonsinthesky · 04/02/2022 00:11

You really have to ask? Never let this cunt back in to your house and protect your daughter from him. Is he her dad?

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:11

I'm just kicking myself as he beat me up last year and for some stupid reason i made "friends"with him as I guess I felt sorry for him so you could say it's my own fault and I abiu because I should have seen it coming!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 04/02/2022 00:11

@Nightowl1989

I allowed my Ex who I had been friends with since the break up a year ago, to stay in my spare room for the last two weeks as he has recently become homeless. I have a 2 year old daughter who went to bed tonight at 18:30, at 10pm I said I was going to bed and he said I'm gonna go to my bed too he goes upstairs I'm cleaning up (more of his mess) all he does is lay on his bed most of the day and go down for food and leave a mess (doesn't work he's far too lazy for that) I'd been at work got home and tidied it all up, anyway he started singing really really loud! I said X stop singing please your going to wake my DD up he started shouting and singing louder, I shouted up to him "shut up" which probably isn't the nicest thing to say but I just feel he has no respect for me my house or my daughter and he said "eww fuck off you fat cow" under his breath but I heard it so I asked him to get out of my house and he proceeded to throw a dirty cat litter box full contents all down stairs and on me at the bottom, then told me he was "on his dad's grave" (very immature thing for a 32 year old to say) going to smash my window and car tonight. He left after calling me some more names and I have reported it to the police but I feel so bad for some reason because I asked him to leave at 10pm and he doesn't have any where else to go he's just so snappy and can be nasty and makes me feel like I'm walking on egg shells in my own home and I don't want my daughter around him to be honest. I gave him a set of rules when I allowed him to stay such as don't smoke in the house don't be too loud don't go to sleep with lights on tidy up after yourself and don't slob around on my sofa all day and night and since he stayed he's smoked in my house left his stuff everywhere woke us up at half 4 in the morning yesterday being so loud and sitting in my front room watching stupid YouTube stuff not allowing me time to relax after either work or looking after my daughter all day. Abiu for asking him to leave at 10pm for shouting and singing upstairs when my daughter is asleep? Sorry if it doesn't read very well due to bad grammar I'm just so angry!
You did your best op, he royally took the biscuits so to speak.
OPTIMUMMY · 04/02/2022 00:12

You were more than kind by letting him stay in the first place and he hasn’t appreciated it at all. It’s all his own doing and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Don’t feel sorry for him and definitely don’t let him back! I hope that’s the last you hear from him!

Esspee · 04/02/2022 00:12

You are unreasonable for letting him stay in the first place. You have a child to protect. He sounds like scum.

Hawkins001 · 04/02/2022 00:12

@Nightowl1989

I'm just kicking myself as he beat me up last year and for some stupid reason i made "friends"with him as I guess I felt sorry for him so you could say it's my own fault and I abiu because I should have seen it coming!
Holy smokes, just read that, you need to be well clear of him
Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:12

He's not her dad thank god! I'm just so angry at myself I know what he's like he's an absolute knob! I just really felt sorry for him x

OP posts:
LampLighter414 · 04/02/2022 00:13

From what I read he is not the father of your daughter? I think you were very generous to let him stay in the first place.

He has disrespected your rules and expectations and has thrown cat shit at you. I hope you are strong enough to give him no more chances in the future no matter what he says. He is not your problem to sort out and don't let him make you think that he is.

Babyvenusplant · 04/02/2022 00:15

Please never speak to him again Flowers

Theunamedcat · 04/02/2022 00:15

Pack up his shit and put it out make sure he cannot get back in block his number and raise your standards

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/02/2022 00:16

Raise your standards! You don’t owe him a home or a bed. Change your locks and tell him to fuck off.

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:16

Definitely not any more chances, the thing is I'm not even attracted to him would never in a million years get back together with him I genuinely just thought I'd help him out "friends" was a bit far fetched more like I'd wave if I saw him and when he came to my door crying he had no where to live I just felt so bad even after what he'd done to me last year. I just hate him so much he makes me think I'm the bad person for asking him to leave. He's just evil

OP posts:
madroid · 04/02/2022 00:18

Yes your were BU to ever have let him come back.

You deserve so much better treatment. You deserve better respect and care from yourself.

You are a mother now. How do you want your dd to see you as she grows up?

Do you want her to see a sensible, self-respecting strong woman?

Or one that can be manipulated into feeling guilt because she has asserted her own boundaries and demanded to be treated decently?

My god woman, you weren't asking for much really were you? Just normal, respectful behaviour from someone you had been kind enough to give a second chance to.

Well don't give him a third chance and learn that there are some people you shouldn't give the benefit of the doubt to.

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:18

I'm too scared to pack his stuff up and put it outside because I'm positive he will retaliate, I forgot how much he scares me. I'm just so glad he's gone, but worried he's going to vandalize my property

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/02/2022 00:21

Call 111 and say exactly what you’ve said here.

You need to show your daughter how to behave in this situation. Or do you want her to copy you?

Bintymcbintface · 04/02/2022 00:22

I'd have booted him out when it was first clear he was ignoring any of the "rules" you'd set as he was showing no respect for you, your dd or your home. HE THREW DIRTY CAT LITTER AT YOU!! Please PLEASE don't feel bad that he has nowhere else to go, it isn't your problem and he's fucking disgusting. Please don't let him anywhere near your home again, I hope you're alright

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:23

@madroid

Yes your were BU to ever have let him come back.

You deserve so much better treatment. You deserve better respect and care from yourself.

You are a mother now. How do you want your dd to see you as she grows up?

Do you want her to see a sensible, self-respecting strong woman?

Or one that can be manipulated into feeling guilt because she has asserted her own boundaries and demanded to be treated decently?

My god woman, you weren't asking for much really were you? Just normal, respectful behaviour from someone you had been kind enough to give a second chance to.

Well don't give him a third chance and learn that there are some people you shouldn't give the benefit of the doubt to.

This actually made me cry but in a good way because he's always put me down called me fat and all sorts and made me believe that Im a horrible person when I know that I'm not, I used to dress nicely before I met him and when he left I started to again and this last two weeks I've wore hoodies and leggings and not brushed my hair. Tells me I'm the reason my daughter doesn't talk fantastic and that I'm mean for putting her to bed at half 6 it's too early and that i make her scared of people and that she's going to be ugly and fat when she's older. So your comment has really hit home that I clearly have no respect for myself and I need to sort it out.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:28

I just can't believe he kicked or threw I'm not sure a whole cat litter tray at me, who does that?!
As a none smoker or drinker the smell of smoke in my house and around my daughter was disgusting! And the cans of beer with ash tapped into them being left about on my living room floor having to move them in the morning before putting my daughter down made me so angry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:32

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Call 111 and say exactly what you’ve said here.

You need to show your daughter how to behave in this situation. Or do you want her to copy you?

I have rang 111 and reported what he said and did and what he said he's going to do incase he does anything and I've been given a log number, fingers crossed he just never comes back I just don't understand how I've managed to get mixed up with someone like him.
OP posts:
Topseyt · 04/02/2022 00:34

As you are scared of him, maybe you should call the police for advice. Call them now on 101.

His behaviour tonight was pretty threatening really, with throwing the cat litter at you. If he returns then I might be tempted to call 999. He is violent and you have to protect yourself and your DD.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 04/02/2022 00:34

For Gods sake, why are you letting people like this into your life?

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2022 00:38

I'm sorry, op, but your judgement is absolutely appalling. How could you possibly allow this fucking maniac into your home, where your child is? What on earth were you thinking? You need professional help to learn about healthy boundaries and standards.

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 04/02/2022 00:42

@Aquamarine1029

I'm sorry, op, but your judgement is absolutely appalling. How could you possibly allow this fucking maniac into your home, where your child is? What on earth were you thinking? You need professional help to learn about healthy boundaries and standards.
I honestly do not know what I was thinking, and I think that's why I probably feel so bad because I think really I'm wrong for expecting him to behave any better and I just look like a stupid idiot really don't I. I just always try my hardest to see the good in people but I really don't think there is any good in him
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2022 00:47

I just always try my hardest to see the good in people but I really don't think there is any good in him

Stop bothering to "see the good in people." It's not your responsibility to support anyone except your child. This man has shown you exactly who he is many, many times. Will you PLEASE, finally believe him?