If a girl used the term wee wee...

[ldontWanna]

To refer to her vulva or vagina would you know what it means? Even if you didn't in the moment, would it click later?

YABU - no idea what she'd be on about.

YANBU - i would know/it's an easy connection to make.

'My wee wee hurts' would mean a potential UTI in our house too. Our DCs use the proper names for genitals, although they do know some slang ones too. I don't think using tummy or belly instead of abdomen is comparable, as they aren't words which are also used for another object. The aren't ambiguous. A tummy is always a tummy, but a flower is also a pretty thing that grows in the garden or, in fact, something you bake with (because when spoken it could be flower or flour). I can't think of any slang term for vulva that can only mean that one thing, is widely known (discounts fanjo outside the MN community), plus is appropriate for a child to say (that's cunt out of the running).
I was also a victim of child sexual abuse, and I suspect there is a correlation between victims and those who have rejected using the cutesy terms with their DCs that could be misunderstood and cause a disclosure to go unnoticed. It does still feel uncomfortable hearing my DDs use vulva, because I wasn't brought up to speak so plainly (definitely part of the reason my abuse went on so long. So much shame taught and inferred about genitals). Absolutely nobody is going to misunderstand them if they say 'my vulva hurts' or 'Uncle Bob touched my vulva'.

@stuntbubbles

I do find it frustrating though that boys have a generally accepted and understood term like willy but there isn't one for girls. But vulva and vagina are accepted and understood?

If a child talks about their wee wee hurting I would assume a UTI, and of course ask more questions to establish what’s going on, but it would be a less confusing and more accurate conversation if they had and used the specific words for each part. It’s not difficult.

I meant a slang/colloquial term, sorry was rushing.

Fanny is equivalent to willy in terms of slang level, acceptance, ubiquity, non-rudeness, etc.

I do find it frustrating though that boys have a generally accepted and understood term like willy but there isn't one for girls.

I agree.

I think because I know that people have their own words for vulvas I would probe anything a girl said that would sound worrying if you switched the word to vulva. "Johny touched my cookie" "Mr Johnson asked to see my flower" I'd clarify what cookie/flower. So yeah I'd clarify what she was talking about or say "you should tell your mummy or daddy."

I think fanny sounds rude

I’d think UTI.

I’ve two daughters and one was prone to UTIs as a young child.

I see this has gone the same way as the thread that inspired it.

Anyone considered it's not the name you use but what it teaches the child? Insisting a little girl never say vulva/vagina because that's shameful and embarrassing and must say 'cookie' or some other vomit inducing cutesy name because it's less embarrassing. You are teaching them that their genitals are something to be ashamed of and instilling really damaging ideas. It may not be intentional but that's the message.

Before the hysterics start, I'm not saying everyone is telling their children that deliberately, but that the overall message when combined with everything else piled on is that genitals are shameful.

I read the term foof on here once and it honestly made me laugh so now I say foof. My 2yo DD says foof and its especially funny when she see DP getting out the shower and says Daddy foof!!!
She does say sore foof sometimes or put cream on when she has a bit of a nappy rash but at 2 years old I'm OK with her using that term for now.

If a child told me their wee wee hurts, I would think that it stings when they urinate.

I'm sure I would understand what she meant based on the rest of what she said.

If she simply said wee wee I'd assume she meant she needed a pee. If she said other things I would understand I'm sure.

Also I don't have an issue with kids using the correct terms but my son, around 4 at the time, asked me why I didn't have a willy, I said girls are made differently and we have a vagina not a willy. He proceeded to jump up and down on his bed shouting vagina vagina vagina.
So I guess timing is everything with the body parts conversation but we've had the chat about what's in your pants is private etc.

I used the common word with my boys - penis.
No embarrassment, just matter of fact. It's really not a big deal.

I don't have daughters but would have just done the same.

We're still very Victorian in our attitudes towards genitals. They're just a body part. Using their name doesn't need to be a problem or a word we must protect our children from knowing.

@Youdoyoutoday

Also I don't have an issue with kids using the correct terms but my son, around 4 at the time, asked me why I didn't have a willy, I said girls are made differently and we have a vagina not a willy. He proceeded to jump up and down on his bed shouting vagina vagina vagina. So I guess timing is everything with the body parts conversation but we've had the chat about what's in your pants is private etc.

😂 kids, eh?

My eldest came out of school one day yelling about his itchy penis.

Ooh I got some funny looks. Not sure yelling about his itchy willy would have gone down any better tbh.

@PurpleDaisies

And what would you have kids call it?

Stomach seems to work fine.

Stomach is between chest and belly button. In this house belly ache is below belly button, stomach ache above it. That way I know where the pain is.

I just used vagina as the name with my kids.

YABU

Teach your child the proper words

I would hope most people would realise the general area from that term but that’s not helpful in knowing whether it’s likely a UTI or something else.

Wee wee is what I called my vulva when I was little. I can't remember anyone teaching me the word, I think it probably just evolved. I didn't hear the word vulva until I was in my teens! Vagina was a word I knew when I was maybe 7 onwards, and like a lot of people I wrongly thought it was the proper name for the entire exterior and interior femal genital anatomy.

I'm not saying that's right or wrong, just how it was for me. I taught my daughters the correct nomenclature but my eldest still insisted on calling her vulva her "weegie" which caused no end of family hilarity when we moved to Glasgow.

@IncompleteSenten 🤣🤣

@HelloFrostyMorning

You don't say the age of the girl, I am assuming little/very young. Calling it her wee-wee is fine.

What else should she call it? Her fanny?

Calling it her vulva is batshit. Why the F would a little girl call it her vulva?! PMSL!!!

Because it is a vulva.

YABU another one who’d think it was to do with actual wee (urine). Not a scooby it would mean anything else I’m afraid.

My two daughters 3 and 4 call it their vulva. Why on earth would I as their Mum teach them to use a euphemism about a body part?

It is a bit awkward though when my four year old declares in the supermarket that "her vulva hurts" but that's the price you pay. I'd die if she referred to it as her fanny or worse her minnie.

Exactly, who goes round kissing daisies and Roses
Talking to them maybe.

@Wanderingowl

You are bonkers if you think that wouldn’t be raising alarm bells with teachers

It might raise alarm bells with teachers. But it would absolutely certainly give Uncle Jim's legal defence reasonable grounds to argue against conviction and ensure Uncle Jim spent zero days in jail. A child that can definitively state the correct body parts makes convicting an abuser a lot easier.

Abusers also tend to be careful about their victims and are far less likely to abuse a child who uses the correct terminology for intimate body parts. In part because they can properly describe what happens to them to the police. But also because a child who knows the correct words for intimate body parts very obviously is being raised by parents who discuss anatomy and sexual health with them. These children are not likely to be convinced to stay quiet and keep secrets about being abused.

I worry that this sort of thing leads to misconceptions that if a child doesn't know the correct anatomical term then their abuser will get off scot free. And that plainly isn't true There seems to be an evangelical zeal re. body parts but the key message should be listen to your child or the children you care for.

And the most important thing is to impress on them the only secret they should keep are ones that make them feel happy like a card made at nursery for Mothers day, nothing bad will happen if they tell a secret to them or anyone else.

@Sofiegiraffe

If a child said to me "Bob touched my flower", particularly a very young child, it would instantly sound alarm bells for me. I'd definitely be asking follow up questions to establish the context. It might well be an innocent reference to an actual flower, yes. But it's such an odd and worrying comment out of context that it at least requires some follow up. I find it genuinely concerning that an adult wouldn't follow this up and explore it further.

This

I find it genuinely concerning that an adult wouldn't follow this up and explore it further.

Me too.

@Meandthesky

YABU

Teach your child the proper words

I would hope most people would realise the general area from that term but that’s not helpful in knowing whether it’s likely a UTI or something else.

I haven't mentioned if the girl is my child, me ,my mum, my best friend,a child at work or just a random child.

So you don't know what I've taught DD or not.