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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else's parents not put the effort in childcare wise?

448 replies

TulipVictory · 03/02/2022 21:05

We rarely ever leave the children anywhere mostly because we just enjoy our time together as a family.

The one time we asked my Mum about a sleepover it seemed like a big inconvenience. We wanted it at our house because there wasn't room in theirs for the children and the little one who needs her travel cot. But they didn't want to sleep at ours where all the children's stuff is so it didn't happen.

I have an appointment tomorrow so asked if my mum can meet me there just to watch the two little ones while I go in but I have to go hers first and pick her up so she can sit in my car so that she doesn't lose her parking space.

They always make out like they don't see the children enough but everything is always on their terms. I pop over every week, sit in their lounge so that they can see them but if I wanted to go out, meet them somewhere etc to the park we never go! it's always like it's a big inconvenience! Please tell me if I'm
Being unreasonable but this is the way it's always been and I'm feeling a bit frustrated

OP posts:
wishing3 · 03/02/2022 21:06

I’d be annoyed with this too.

Chattercino · 03/02/2022 21:07

Couldn't you drop the kids at your mums whilst you are in the appointment? I wouldn't expect my mum to sit in the car

EmmaH2022 · 03/02/2022 21:09

Interesting title
They don't owe you childcare...?

GirlInACountrySong · 03/02/2022 21:09

with the rough ride with covid then i can see why they perhaps don't want to go out

think we've all become homebodies

BrambleRoses · 03/02/2022 21:09

I honestly think this is just a cultural thing, and I don’t mean as widely as a whole country or area, but different families just seem to have different views. I never stayed over at a grandparents but I know others who did regularly. So to me someone having my children overnight would be a huge deal.

Arabellla · 03/02/2022 21:10

They sound selfish. Stop going to see them every week, take the kids out and have fun.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 03/02/2022 21:11

Bloody hate fair weather dgps. They want to tell all and sundry about their dgc but don't actually want to acknowledge sometimes a favour would be nice in the raising of them!!.

.

SportsMother · 03/02/2022 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedCandyApple · 03/02/2022 21:12

I’m a single parent and my mum never helps me out with childcare, you will be told you are being unreasonable to expect any help

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/02/2022 21:14

@EmmaH2022

Interesting title They don't owe you childcare...?
This always pops up on these threads.

No, they don't but I was brought up in a family that helps each other out and we all do childcare for each other when and if we can. I think it's really quite sad if you can't ask a favour from a family member occasionally.

I'd feel the same OP if I was in your situation.

yoyo1234 · 03/02/2022 21:14

They should come to you as well as you go to them (assuming transport available and affordable to both parties), or meet somewhere else.

DueyCheatemAndHow · 03/02/2022 21:14

We've never had any help either. DS was 3 in Sept. We've had one night off since we had him and that was when we had DD..
It's harder than I thought it would be

MissAmbrosia · 03/02/2022 21:16

Any childcare assistance I ever had I paid for. It's sad that GPs won't help out, but no-one is entitled to it.

LawnFever · 03/02/2022 21:17

They don’t owe you child care but if they want to see the kids they need to come to you more, you don’t have to go round every week, so don’t

RaininSummer · 03/02/2022 21:18

Your parents don't have to do childcare for you but obviously it's nice. I can see why they wouldn't want to sleep at your house though as in your own home you can get stuff done and relax more.

Yuckypretty · 03/02/2022 21:19

My parents moved abroad before my kids were born. It sucks

Moonface123 · 03/02/2022 21:20

My Mum just says " I never got any help and l managed"
She made it very clear from day one not to expect anything.
l have been a single parent now for almost 9 years and not had any help at all. l don' t think people realise how fortunate they are if they do have helpful parents.

Sally872 · 03/02/2022 21:22

If my mum agreed to babysit overnight I would absolutely sort it so kids could be at hers she is doing a massive favour. Same with appointment I would pick her up.

EmpressCixi · 03/02/2022 21:22

Grandparents don’t exist to be your on demand childcare peons. They exist to have a bond and relationship with your children, their grandchildren. Sorry, but that is the boundary I have. I would be happy to have my grandchildren over or for a day out at my convenience to have a relationship with them, but to be your on demand nanny, not so much. I raised my children with zero help from grandparents, it’s not that hard to do. And I expect my children to do the same. Barring bona fide emergencies of course, I’d take care of them in an emergency. But not as a fill in on call nanny at your beck and call.

Original poster
TulipVictory · 03/02/2022 21:23

The thing is I feel I have to visit every week. Well I want to because she lives with my elderly Grandmother. It just annoys me that this is the only way I get to see them, sat in their lounge. They also moan that they do not see them enough and say this to them..especially my eldest as she is often in school when I visit.

OP posts:
Arabellla · 03/02/2022 21:23

@EmmaH2022

Interesting title They don't owe you childcare...?
Abs yet they feel owed a visit by OP and her kids EVERY weekend.
Arabellla · 03/02/2022 21:24

@TulipVictory

The thing is I feel I have to visit every week. Well I want to because she lives with my elderly Grandmother. It just annoys me that this is the only way I get to see them, sat in their lounge. They also moan that they do not see them enough and say this to them..especially my eldest as she is often in school when I visit.
Do you want to see your grandmother every week?

I would reduce the visits to every 3 weeks.

Chely · 03/02/2022 21:24

If you want to go out then do it and tell them they are welcome to join.
Yes I get the feeling like it's inconvenient to look after them when you ask, I hate asking for help because I started to get that feeling. My parents love spending time with the kids but look like they could do with a holiday after a day alone with them 🤣

Original poster
TulipVictory · 03/02/2022 21:25

@EmpressCixi that's fine but what I would like to know is do you ever actually take your grandchildren anywhere or are they just brought over to sit in your house? We have been saying this both my parents and in-laws say they would like to see us more. Never ever have we ever been on a day out with them, it is always with the expectation that we come to them, on their terms.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 03/02/2022 21:26

My parents were fabulous with childcare when the kids were little but they never once slept here-they wouldn’t have wanted to and I wouldn’t have expected them to decamp here.

When my parents had them overnight, the kids would bunk up at their house and I would take anything they’d need round there.

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