Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we daft to consider leaving London in these circumstances?

223 replies

LifeWobble · 01/02/2022 22:41

DH and I are mid-40s, have 2 primary aged DC, good jobs, live in a nice London suburb with good schools, all amenities on the doorstep. Lots of green space around by London standards. Live in a small but nice house. Basically we’re happy here.

Except…DH feels like he has come to the end of the road in his current career. It’s making him utterly miserable. He is by some margin the main income earner.

In the back of my mind is a “get out plan” that involves selling up and moving to a cheaper part of the county where we could be mortgage free and not reliant on DH’s income. He could quit his job and take some time out to evaluate what he wants to do with the rest of his career.

My career would be very limited by moving out of London, as I’m in a heavily London-oriented profession. I could probably stay in my current role but move away from London but getting another job in the field that would let me work remotely could be challenging.

AIBU to consider it?

OP posts:
Davros · 01/02/2022 22:42

Where do you both come from, where did you grow up?

Arabellla · 01/02/2022 22:43

No, it would be madness to ruin your own career. Don’t do it.

TeenTitan007 · 01/02/2022 22:45

No. Save up to cover the mortgage for a few months so DH can re-evaluate without moving.
Don't undervalue all the good things you have going for you where you are. If you move and you are unable to get all those things (and some things will not/never be the same) there could be huge regrets.

stuntbubbles · 01/02/2022 22:46

I’d be off like a shot in those circumstances.

Original poster
LifeWobble · 01/02/2022 22:46

@Davros

Where do you both come from, where did you grow up?
Neither of us would want to move back to where we grew up. Family is scattered about so there’s no obvious place to move “back” to, we’d probably start from scratch somewhere.
OP posts:
united4ever · 01/02/2022 22:47

Can't he evaluate his career whilst in his current job.

Stopsnowing · 01/02/2022 22:50

The solution to him being unhappy in his job is to get another one not to quit and not for you to damage your own career. Apart from his job you are happy where you are with good schools etc If the secondary schools are also good where you are then stay put.

Original poster
LifeWobble · 01/02/2022 22:51

@TeenTitan007

No. Save up to cover the mortgage for a few months so DH can re-evaluate without moving. Don't undervalue all the good things you have going for you where you are. If you move and you are unable to get all those things (and some things will not/never be the same) there could be huge regrets.
I should add we could easily cover the mortgage for a good while if DH wasn’t working. The main issue is that he is in a well paying career at the moment. He can’t see himself staying in this career and there’s no obvious way he could earn anything like the same amount if he career changed. So it’s about planning for the next 20 years rather next few months.
OP posts:
noworklifebalance · 01/02/2022 22:52

How would you pay bills etc esp if DH doesn’t find a suitable job let alone one he likes?

kindredsp · 01/02/2022 22:53

I’d be tempted. We moved away from London and I don’t now need to work the hours I did before. DH felt his job was completely connected to London but moved for the family and did a long commute daily. Then the pandemic hit and he suddenly was given the opportunity to work remotely and now he can most of the time from here on out. We love our new town, the pace of life is slower, people seem to have more time to talk and our children adore it. We’re so glad we took the plunge. Definitely think about iy

dressicarabbit · 01/02/2022 22:54

It would take a lot for me to uproot my kids from their school if they were happy there.

minipie · 01/02/2022 22:56

I think it would be a lot better to work out your and DH’s future career plans before moving. What happens if you move somewhere far away and neither of you can find a suitable job? Or DH realises his new chosen career path is only available in London?

We are in a similar position as it happens and I do understand the desire to escape all the pressure. but I wouldn’t move without having worked out the career/job plan at least for the next few years.

Could your DH take a sabbatical to evaluate his options? Or a block of parental leave (you can request 4 weeks in one go)?

Rotherweird · 01/02/2022 23:06

If you do move, think very seriously about schools. Where I live (a very common destination for people moving out of London), the secondary schools are really mediocre and there is nothing like the choice and quality of London schools. London schools also spend significantly more per child: www.statista.com/statistics/381745/education-expenditure-per-pupil-england-region-uk/

Original poster
LifeWobble · 01/02/2022 23:08

@minipie - yes you’re right we wouldn’t move on a whim without some kind of a plan - it’s more of a escape the rat race” thing. I could imagine us moving to a ‘project’ house and DH taking a year out to fix it up before embarking on another quite different career to what he currently does.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 01/02/2022 23:11

Both of you starting from scratch sounds risky to me.

Can he drop a day & spend some time doing stuff he enjoys? Take the emphasis off work being the only way to find satisfaction?

Or spend the time retraining or considering options/applying for other stuff?

HangoverSquare · 01/02/2022 23:13

I wouldn't do it. Let him evaluate and plan his next step while he's still in well paid employment.

tttigress · 01/02/2022 23:15

To be honest, I would just suck it up until mid 50s, if he gets another lower paying job, he will surely have issues with parts of that job.

Maybe you could start doing things to lighten you DHs mood, I can see how he may feel, but really you need to earn money to have a good life.

HollowTalk · 01/02/2022 23:15

@HangoverSquare

I wouldn't do it. Let him evaluate and plan his next step while he's still in well paid employment.
Exactly! And there is far more chance of highly paid work in London than anywhere else in the country. What about your career too? You have the right to want to stay there if that's what you want.
Original poster
LifeWobble · 01/02/2022 23:15

@Rotherweird - yes schools and all things DC-related are a big chunk my of my reasons against moving. Particularly thinking on to secondary school and teen years.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/02/2022 23:16

What happens if you move out of London e.g. to Liverpool and he has a good long think about things and realises of the job he wants to do really only exists in London?

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 01/02/2022 23:30

Work out what the next job is first, then you’ll know whether moving is going to be a good idea, and if so where to.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/02/2022 23:30

I think that would be a terrible mistake. Because it means sacrificing your career for a half-baked plan, as he hasn't even got an idea of what he does want to do.

If you can afford the mortgage easily without his income, then why doesn't he retrain in something for a year? Do a Masters? Then apply for something he wants to do?

MsAgnesDiPesto · 01/02/2022 23:32

I always think it’s best consider making a radical change like this only if you are being pulled towards something new, rather than being pushed away from the current. So if DH looks around, researches new careers, and finds there is an opportunity to pursue that in a new place, then you will be drawn to that place. He might find that his new direction lies somewhere close to where you are now, so running from the current problems would be a poor plan.

I would say that at the moment, the reasons for staying where you are far outweigh the reason for going somewhere else, when the somewhere isn’t yet defined. That balance could change, but I think you need to know exactly where, to what, and why you’re going before you make this irrevocable step.

VestaTilley · 01/02/2022 23:36

YABU. Mad idea in your circumstances - it just smacks of running away.

Your DH needs to work out what else he wants to do- and London is the best place to try lots of different things. You’d be crazy to give up your career.

We left London, but it was planned and I’d wanted to do it for a decade. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thing to wipe out the mortgage.

5foot5 · 01/02/2022 23:36

Are you quite sure you could be mortgage free if you moved?
I do have some sympathy for this idea. If your DH is really so miserable in his current career then it would seem harsh to expect him to just grin and bear it for the next 10 to 15 years. But I think a plan and some more research is required.

BTW there are good schools outside of London!