To not understand this about pronouns?

[HaveringWavering]

When people state their pronouns they always say she/her, he/him or they/them.
Why the second part? Doesn’t everyone know that “her” goes with “she”, “him” goes with “he” etc?

Are there people who mix and match- she/him, they/her?

@Linguini

Yeah I vaguely remember a non binary female singer having a hissy fit on Twitter because a magazine used "they/them' pronouns as requested but didn't once use "she" as requested. Apparently the article was supposed to use "they/them and she".

This was a few months ago mind you. The veh special non binary female has probably changed theyr pronouns to something far more uneeque and veh special by now.

That was Halsey.

The article that covered the furore ended up alternating she/her and they/them through the entire piece.

It’s all so self indulgent isn’t it? I’m so tired of it.

I always feel that people who demand this of others just have far too much time on their hands and are clearly too narcissistic to understand that not everyone else has the luxury of hours to navel gaze and think about pronouns. Nor the mental capacity to constantly be struggling against their normal instinctive use of English to suit everyone else.

I find it interesting that people who so clearly are unwilling to consider the impact of their demands on others are simultaneously so willing to demand that others constantly think about the impact of words used in the third person (which presumably they'll rarely if ever hear) on them. Hypocrisy much.

Wide berth covers it nicely.

I have found my people.

(Or should it be “I have found mew people”???)

I have often shared the same though as the OP and never realised people mix and match. Could someone explain what she/ them is supposed to signify?

Can I just ask though- what if you met someone where you genuinely couldn't tell what they were? I had this recently where someone asked me a question where I had to refer to someone whose name I didn't know in my answer and I 100% could not tell you what gender they were at all. I asked a friend what I should have done because if I'd said "he has one" or "she has one" I wouldn't have had any idea if I was calling them by the wrong thing. I wouldn't like if it I was a masculin looking woman ans referred to as "he" nor I guess if I was feminine looking man and called "he". I don't want to make people sad so I'm happy to use pronouns wherever people have stated them

Why would someone be sad. I've been mistaken fir a bloke loads if times. I use a shortening if my name which could be either.

I really do not care if someone calls me he by accident. It happens. I'd probably kust laugh and say I'm a woman or " how did u miss these " kinda thing.

I've met a lot of people and this has never happened to me. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

And also if you are going to bother listing personal and reflexive pronouns then why not also include the possessive pronoun - so
"He/him/his, they/them/theirs". If you are assuming your audience doesn't know basic grammar and just saying "Jenny (she)" isn't enough why not include everything?

Amen!

The article that covered the furore ended up alternating she/her and they/them through the entire piece

Did anyone bother reading beyond the first paragraph? Who has time for that kind of mental gymnastics?

Maybe you could really confuse people by having "you" or "I" as your pronoun.

I'll use pronouns that people request, but tbh using 'they' as a generic pronoun I'm doing more often, and I think most pronoun-offering people will find it less offensive than the 'wrong' sexed pronoun.

I've seen ppl where I'm genuinely not completely sure, and often it's because the person is making a concerted effort to present away from their sex, so I can see why it's useful to declare pronouns.

But no-one can tell someone's gender by looking, as it's an internal feeling no-one can define.

I have only ever seen people use them on email signatures. Its rife in my industry. Then when I've met them it's been pretty much 99.9% of the time obvious what I should use. With a few exceptions but I winged it!
Person one. Name was Harry. The pronouns said they/them. They looked like a biological women who was slightly androgynous. Tbh they were very young and slim so that contributed to the look. I'd say bookish rather than boyish. Note they were they/them (i did judge this to be honest. I am sorry to say I did an invisible eye roll). I didn't need to use pronouns. Over email I said Harry. Face to face i just didn't use pronouns.
2nd person had usually male name (Joshua) and he/him on email. When we met I was surprised to meet a transman as had assumed just man. Had the pronouns not been on the email would I have been confused on meeting... probably not as name was Josh and he was clearly a transman..if the name had been androgynous maybe I would have got pronouns wrong. But i'd have just not used any pronouns most likely. Sometimes I forget someone's name and have to wing it. Dont we all?
I dont get it. Perhaps I'm just old. I have a woman's name. But I'm not married and I'm not Mrs. People get it wrong all the time. Especially as I have children and my partner has also got their own name. I have a disabled child and get called 'mum' too which is minimising.
I can't be doing with the pronoun thing tbh. Haven't got the time or energy. There are so many worse things. I wonder if a trans person has ever been called 'mum' or 'dad' in a professional round table meeting about their own child with the express purpose of diminishing their seat at the table and as part of gaslighting the parent?!? They aren't the only ones being mislabelled. When I was younger and had shaved hair I sometimes got mistaken for a boy. Did it bother me. Not at all. Usually it was by an 'old person' ( note that's my young self talking)

What if you were with a group of people using various neo pronouns - like you were in a meeting and referring to work different people had done - and had to keep track off all the pronouns in case you offended someone!

You'd just play the 'pronouns game' ....its where you refer to people in the vaguest way possible so as to avoid using any gender terms. A flowing conversation it does not make! (Been there several times!)

Yes, using he/him/his she/her/hers is a thing, I work in a company with somebody who introduces themself in this way at the start of many meetings. I’ve never understood the purpose of adding the extra part

Isn't They ubiquitous?? Or is that a cop out

@pongom wonder what people REALLY think about that. Bet they can't say.
I work in a very 'pronouns' place and even with that in mind, announcing 'my pronouns are...' at the start of every meeting would not be well received.

The NHS in Scotland ran an online course on using rhe pronouns for staff. This enabled people who passed to have a badge and to sate their pronouns at the end of their email signature.
I so wish I was joking

I haven't added mine because I don't lead with my gender. Just in the same way I don't lead with miss or Mrs. I find it odd that it's the first thing people want you to know about them. It's like. Solidifying something fluid.

I wonder if a trans person has ever been called 'mum' or 'dad' in a professional round table meeting about their own child with the express purpose of diminishing their seat at the table and as part of gaslighting the parent?!? They aren't the only ones being mislabelled

I’m not sure I quite understand what you are saying here but it sounds like you have been badly treated and I’m sorry. Do you mean that you have been called a generic “Mum” instead of by your name? I guess that it’s a misguided attempt to define you with reference to the child that is being discussed?

It’s all a load of bollocks.
Pronouns are used about someone when they aren’t in your presence, so call them what you like, they won’t know anyway!

I find it more shocking when I meet a young woman who insists on Mrs rather than first name... why...
I dont get it at all.
We all have labels we prefer for ourselves if we are honest. We don't all demand directives from HR about what we need to include on our email signatures to demonstrate those. (I'll have 'underpaid overqualified biological woman with caring responsibilities, don't call me son's-name-mum')

@theemperorhasnoclothes

I always feel that people who demand this of others just have far too much time on their hands and are clearly too narcissistic to understand that not everyone else has the luxury of hours to navel gaze and think about pronouns. Nor the mental capacity to constantly be struggling against their normal instinctive use of English to suit everyone else.

I find it interesting that people who so clearly are unwilling to consider the impact of their demands on others are simultaneously so willing to demand that others constantly think about the impact of words used in the third person (which presumably they'll rarely if ever hear) on them. Hypocrisy much.

Wide berth covers it nicely.

Exactly this!

@HaveringWavering
Yes
Its common occurance. Especially if you deal with a lot of 'professionals' for your child.
My point being that we are all offended by the way we are addressed by others often in different ways. Getting gender wrong is just another one imho

I want a badge saying she/we but I think only I will think it's funny and I work on my own anyway, so a bit pointless.