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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much will you be willing to spend to attend a wedding.

207 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 01/02/2022 21:52

This is inspired by BIL who has decided he’s having a destination wedding. The wedding itself is on Boxing Day but it’ll be a 4 day event, according to him, we’ll explore the location, etc. Flights and the wedding hotel cost for my family (4 of us) has come down to almost £8000. We’ll still pay for the activities, etc as well.

I’ve obviously said there’s no way Im spending that on a wedding but he still thinks we’re just not making an effort to save for it, he’s quite entitled!

So just curious, how much will you be willing to spend to attend someone’s wedding?
For voting,
Yabu- £8k is not a lot
Yanbu- he’s got to be kidding

OP posts:
Aderyn21 · 02/02/2022 16:19

He wants you all to stay at the resort because it makes it cheaper for him. I bet it's got bugger all to do with the vibe!

Hmum0fthree · 02/02/2022 16:24

@Tohaveandtohold absolutely insane! Imagine the holiday you could have 🙈

Rewis · 02/02/2022 16:31

I'd be happy to spend money to go the a wedding if the destination was one I'd like to visit. However, I don't have £8k and I wouldn't want to travel at Christmas.

brieislife · 02/02/2022 16:36

£100 for a B&B or hotel if necessary. £50 for a present. £50 for drinks. If I really have to £50 or so on a new outfit but I’d try not to. So up to £250 for 2 of us. £8k is ridonkulous.

Namenic · 02/02/2022 16:37

At that cost I would say 1 person could attend to ‘represent the family’ (assuming we could afford 1 person - and it was a close friend/relative).

VickyEadieofThigh · 02/02/2022 16:41

@Marvellousmadness

8k? Even 800 dollars would be too much for a normal person! And even worse that its Christmas time as well. Your bil is delusional ... Tell them thanks but no thanks
That's my feeling, too.

Those people voting YABU - you must be loaded.

Comedycook · 02/02/2022 16:44

Hate destination weddings...it's a bloody cheek. My sil had one...we didn't go, would have cost us £5000! If I did have a spare £5k I'd very much resent using it to attend someone's wedding. Even worse is the people who get married abroad because it's cheaper....yeah, for them!

I expect a wedding to cost me no more than the price of a gift, new dress, maybe a taxi and at the very most overnight accommodation in the UK

Youaremypenguin · 02/02/2022 16:45

He doesn't want other people to go does he! Let's be honest here. That's how you get the numbers down, by being ridiculous!

I can't afford £8k nor would I spend it on a wedding for someone else unless it was my own child. Even then I'd have to consider it.

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 02/02/2022 16:48

that's insane! £200-300 would be ok, although a push to find. More than that is an absolutely liberty.

Elsiebear90 · 02/02/2022 16:50

If it was that important to him that people could come he should have checked before booking it, we are having a destination wedding, but it’s not going to cost anywhere near 8k for people to come and we checked everyone was happy before booking anything.

I know some families who are all happy to go long haul for someone’s wedding and others who wouldn’t be able to afford to travel to somewhere else in the UK, so it really depends on your family and their financial situation, but no one should ever feel pressured to attend a wedding that they can’t afford to go to.

Nontransfer · 02/02/2022 16:53

For my sister if it was a trip with people/family I would enjoy spending a few days with and the events would be genuinely enjoyable, I'd consider it. At the first sign of any pressure I'd say it was out of the question though.

Proudboomer · 02/02/2022 16:55

The cost of the petrol to drive there, a few ££ for drinks( I don’t drink so wouldn’t be much) £50 gift. So total no more than £100.

Sprucewillis · 02/02/2022 17:24

Just put a few sandwiches and pickles on at the local when he gets back. Yeah it's not fair to even ask that unless he's prepared to pay it.

HW1989 · 02/02/2022 17:25

That is utterly and completely ridiculous unless you’re all an extremely wealthy family!
£8000 for 4 nights?!?! Wouldn’t even spend that if it was 2 weeks all inclusive. Not a chance!

Sprucewillis · 02/02/2022 17:26

You would also have the added bonus of making Christmas happen for your DC. I'm surprised you are even thinking about it.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 02/02/2022 17:30

Honestly, perhaps £50 for a taxi and some new shoes. Anything over that would have me declining unless the bride were a very close friend.

Frankola · 02/02/2022 17:45

Alot of people turn destination weddings into their family holidays now.

Can you do that?

We went to one in Mallorca a while back and used it as a family holiday for 2 weeks. They bride and groom were happy with this considering i told them it was the only way we would attend.

Dreamstate · 02/02/2022 18:45

I paid £1500 for a week in dom rep and wedding activities over 2 days rest was holiday all inclusive. My parents and sister went too so as a family would of cost £6k

To be fair it's long haul and over Xmas so id expect that to be more

YoungA98 · 02/02/2022 18:55

I would never expect my other half to fork out THAT much for ANYTHING. If he feels that strongly about going, he can pay for it haha

Kitkat151 · 02/02/2022 19:02

I would never ever go to a destination wedding....no matter who.....I would go to a wedding in the U.K. if it was doable to just stay overnight....and then it would have to be a close relative .....I’m not into wedding that much....so wouldn’t want to spend money to attend that I could spend on a weekend away of my choosing

Cotswoldmama · 02/02/2022 19:09

I've travelled to Barcelona for a wedding but that was pre kids when we had a more disposable income and we stayed for 5 days and made a holiday out of it. Now I'd be willing to pay £50 as a gift and a taxi there and back, find babysitters and book time off work. I don't think I'd be willing to travel so far I had to book a hotel as I don't think I could justify the cost.

CantSitStill2022 · 02/02/2022 19:28

I spent a few thousand on going to a friend's wedding abroad (European destination). She isn't a massively close friend and there was absolutely no pressure to go but we managed to sort childcare and just fancied a visit to the city. It was a fabulous wedding in a beautiful setting.

The pandemic hit literally a month later so I'm glad I went in hindsight (last time I went abroad actually!).

I'm really glad I went but obviously it was ALOT for a few days. Nowhere near £8k!

I think unless you are pretty wealthy, that is a massively expensive 4 days.

Comefromaway · 02/02/2022 19:29

@Frankola

Alot of people turn destination weddings into their family holidays now.

Can you do that?

We went to one in Mallorca a while back and used it as a family holiday for 2 weeks. They bride and groom were happy with this considering i told them it was the only way we would attend.

Our family holiday is a week at the seaside self catering.
VikingLady · 02/02/2022 19:32

HahHahahahahahahahahaha!

That's four times as much as we spent on our OWN wedding in total!

I don't love anyone enough to spend anywhere close to that.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 02/02/2022 19:41

@Tohaveandtohold
Erm, what about Christmas ..? With 2 kids, are you taking all their & your presents over in excess baggage, only to bring them all back a week later?