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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much will you be willing to spend to attend a wedding.

207 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 01/02/2022 21:52

This is inspired by BIL who has decided he’s having a destination wedding. The wedding itself is on Boxing Day but it’ll be a 4 day event, according to him, we’ll explore the location, etc. Flights and the wedding hotel cost for my family (4 of us) has come down to almost £8000. We’ll still pay for the activities, etc as well.

I’ve obviously said there’s no way Im spending that on a wedding but he still thinks we’re just not making an effort to save for it, he’s quite entitled!

So just curious, how much will you be willing to spend to attend someone’s wedding?
For voting,
Yabu- £8k is not a lot
Yanbu- he’s got to be kidding

OP posts:
Beachbreak2411 · 02/02/2022 00:00

£1000 for a weekend in Jersey for a wedding.plus present and had to have bridesmaid dress altered and get shoes.

TheTeenageYears · 02/02/2022 00:19

We got married abroad but had absolutely no expectation of anyone coming too. Parents on both sides did, siblings didn't. Party back in the UK. I can't believe how much one persons choice can affect others financially- it's so selfish and shows a complete lack of regard for personal circumstances. OP just don't go, he lives abroad (as do we) so it's not like you have to see him every other week. Just put a bit of money aside to do something nice to celebrate when he visits so you can still mark the occasion but at a more suitable cost for you.

Aprilx · 02/02/2022 01:01

I would consider making a destination wedding into my own holiday for the year, depending on who it is and where it is. I would then consider it more spending money on my holiday and I just happened go to go a wedding whilst I was there.

Namechange466 · 02/02/2022 01:17

Nope Nope and Nope

We have gone to a wedding in India but this was also once in a lifetime holiday. A few European destinations - Sardinia and Malta but not ridiculously priced and I wanted to go.

I have likewise turned down weddings in the States, Australia and Peru (and don’t get me started on hen dos - couldn’t afford vegas but someone had a go at me).

So perfectly reasonable for you to say no

3WildOnes · 02/02/2022 07:39

We have gone to a few destination weddings but have usually turned them into a holiday so not too much extra. I would only go if they were places i wanted to visit anyway. None have cost anywhere close to 8k. That is similar to what our own wedding cost.

@LeQuern I have never spent anywhere need that much attending a UK wedding. Firstly none of my friends would choose a wedding in a place where the only accommodation was that pricey, they are much more considerate! I would never spend that much on an outfit just for a wedding, I might spend that much on a dress but it would be to wear numerous times. Everyone in my circle has an open bar, so no pricey drinks either.

GiantSpider · 02/02/2022 07:41

When I opened this post I thought it was going to be several hundred. Not several thousand!

ClariceQuiff · 02/02/2022 07:42

Cost of gift and cost of travel within the UK. There's no way I'd be forking out to go to a so-called destination wedding.

Tiramysu · 02/02/2022 07:45

£500 max.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/02/2022 07:45

I don't think I spent that on my own wedding. I'd be prepared to pay up to £500 for UK travel, hotel and food and drink while there but probably wouldn't consider attending a destination wedding.

ComDummings · 02/02/2022 07:46

As little as possible! £8K is insane

Tiramysu · 02/02/2022 07:47

@CeeceeBloomingdale

I don't think I spent that on my own wedding. I'd be prepared to pay up to £500 for UK travel, hotel and food and drink while there but probably wouldn't consider attending a destination wedding.
I know right! That's the cost of a whole wedding in my mind!
RampantIvy · 02/02/2022 07:49

UK weddings can cost a similar price;

£500 hotel for 2 nights - I would find somewhere cheaper to stay
£100 present - I would give £50 if it was family, less if it wasn't
£300-£500 outfit / hair etc - Maybe £100 max for a new dress. I do my own hair and make up. Do people really spend that much if they aren't part of the wedding party?
£50 travel - depends where the wedding is. It could easily be more
£100 cash for bar etc” - possibly

You clearly move in different circles to me.

londonrach · 02/02/2022 07:50

I don't have that money so yanbu. I'd never get that money even if I saved for a year. It's more than I get in a year.

Rainbowqueeen · 02/02/2022 07:51

It’s not just the money here it’s the timing. Christmas is the day before. That would be a huge problem for a lot of people.

Campervangirl · 02/02/2022 07:52

No way would I spend 8k on going to a wedding.
Family member is having a destination wedding this year and I'm baulking at £400 just for the flights, add on accommodation, food, entertainment etc and it's going to cost a fortune, I'm not planning on attending

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 02/02/2022 07:53

Fuck that shit.

Bushkin · 02/02/2022 07:55

I wouldn’t be ruining my Christmas to travel to a destination wedding on Boxing Day regardless of the cost

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 02/02/2022 07:55

I'd be happy to spend maybe £200? Anything beyond that is fine if it's something I wanted to do anyway, but if purely for their wedding? No.

"Explore the area...."... How about he explore the area on his stag do or honeymoon? You can't ask people to pay £8k just to explore an area with you.

You're right, he's entitled.

IBloodyLoveMichaelJackson · 02/02/2022 07:59

Any further than 30 miles and I won't be going. I won't be going on any overpriced, shit hen weekends either.

What happened to a meal in a nice restaurant followed by a few bottles of wine and 6 jagerbombs for a fiver? 😄

Parky04 · 02/02/2022 08:00

@RampantIvy

What exactly do you find excrutiating about weddings *@FourChimneys*? Not all weddings are long and boring.
Majority are! Always delighted when OH is invited and there is no plus 1!
GreenClock · 02/02/2022 08:00

One night on a UK hotel. Whatever it costs to get there. £50 present, more if DP is invited. £50pp drinks.

You should politely decline the invitation but wish him well and send a nice gift.

Aderyn21 · 02/02/2022 08:02

I wouldn't even entertain the notion of going tbh. It's so entitled to expect people to spend that amount of money because you've decided to have a destination wedding. Most people just couldn't afford it and even if you can, it's your money and not for him to decide how it's spent!

MayBMaybenot · 02/02/2022 08:04

I’d be prepared to pay reasonable travel costs - UK only, not flights - plus, if absolutely necessary, a night in a decent hotel. So, for two people, maybe £300-£400 max. I’d also give a gift or cash up to around £100 max.

Bad enough this wedding is so far away, but to totally disrupt Christmas as well is beyond entitled. Don’t go.

Aderyn21 · 02/02/2022 08:04

Also, if he's booked one of those places where the cost is shared between all the guests staying on the resort, you are a)paying for his wedding and b)cost is likely to increase if other guests decline the invitation.

Valkyrie40 · 02/02/2022 08:05

No way - that's almost half the cost of our own wedding!

Who on earth are these people who expect family and friends to pay £££ to attend their weddings? If you want a wedding in a luxury destination you should either be comfortable with the fact that no one else can come or have enough money to pay for it all yourselves.

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