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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much will you be willing to spend to attend a wedding.

207 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 01/02/2022 21:52

This is inspired by BIL who has decided he’s having a destination wedding. The wedding itself is on Boxing Day but it’ll be a 4 day event, according to him, we’ll explore the location, etc. Flights and the wedding hotel cost for my family (4 of us) has come down to almost £8000. We’ll still pay for the activities, etc as well.

I’ve obviously said there’s no way Im spending that on a wedding but he still thinks we’re just not making an effort to save for it, he’s quite entitled!

So just curious, how much will you be willing to spend to attend someone’s wedding?
For voting,
Yabu- £8k is not a lot
Yanbu- he’s got to be kidding

OP posts:
Tricked2003 · 01/02/2022 22:07

YANBU

I wouldn't go away for Christmas and spend £8,000 + for a wedding. I "only" spent £4,500 on my own wedding

bedheadedzombie · 01/02/2022 22:08

I won't drive any further than 90 minutes for a wedding and I'll put the suspected amount that my attendence costs in the envelope. I don't buy new clothes and I don't like waste.

That's it. I'm not paying more or for anything else.

Lockdownbear · 01/02/2022 22:09

£8k is nuts.
My limit would probably be £3k for a family of 4, but I'd be looking to turn it into a holiday.

firstimemamma · 01/02/2022 22:09

That's 4 times what we spent on our own wedding!

lemonsorbetinthesun · 01/02/2022 22:11

What is wrong with people? There’s no issue inviting people and hoping they’re able to come. But inevitably that means that some people can’t come!
Why would you spend £8k to spend time with someone who seems like a PITA!

Leeds2 · 01/02/2022 22:11

I certainly wouldn't be spending that, especially not over Christmas.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2022 22:14

Stand your ground and tell him that you won't be going.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 01/02/2022 22:14

Like others, my own wedding cost considerably less than that!

I’d probably sit him down and say ‘mate, we earn £xxxxx (say UK average £30000ish). That means we take home about £2000 each month. We can’t afford to not eat or pay the mortgage and electricity and council tax for four months. That is a third of our money for the whole year! With the best will in the world, it isn’t happening.’

You shouldn’t really have to discuss numbers with him but it seems like that might be the only way to get that through his thick skull. If you don’t want him knowing your salary, quote UK averages.

Hdhr8jsj · 01/02/2022 22:16

A hotel for the night, gift and some drinks. £300 tops.

Original poster
Tohaveandtohold · 01/02/2022 22:17

Are they planning anything back in the UK for those that cant attend the overseas wedding?

No, he lives abroad (at a destination that would have been cheaper and convenient for many of those attending, the family are scattered) but instead, he chose another ‘destination’..

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 01/02/2022 22:17

Around £1000 max

MintyGreenDream · 01/02/2022 22:18

And that would only apply to very close family at a push.

PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2022 22:20

I spent £1500 on a destination wedding for one one my best friends. That was partly because it was somewhere I’d always wanted to go and partly because I really like her. I went alone and we wouldn’t have spent another £1500 for dh to come too.

Honeyroar · 01/02/2022 22:23

I’d only go to a destination wedding if it was somewhere I really wanted to go on holiday and could pretty easily afford.

Franticbutterfly · 01/02/2022 22:23

Spent about £3000 for me and DH to go to a wedding in Ibiza once. We stayed for a holiday though.

GellerYeller · 01/02/2022 22:29

£1000 for four of us to do two nights in a hotel plus wedding gift/outfits etc. Rooms at the wedding venue were £800 so I guess we got off lightly. Still smarting about it slightly even so. £8000 ? No thanks.

FourChimneys · 01/02/2022 22:30

Very little indeed, but I find all weddings excruciating and rarely accept invitations. OP your BIL is being ridiculous. No need to go if you don't want to. Treat his invitation as a mere suggestion.

DH is the same as me, our own wedding was quiet, very short and really cheap. Happily married for decades though.

rookiemere · 01/02/2022 22:34

Don't be paying for PILs as well OP, that's ridiculous.

I've never been invited to a destination wedding, I have been to weddings in the USA because my DF is American, so that doesn't really count.

LeQuern · 01/02/2022 22:35

Spent about £800 on a flight and probably around another £1k on accommodation, spending money and outfits for a good friends wedding. Spent 14 days in a Far East destination and travelled around the country for 5 days post the ceremony. Bride and Groom came too and it was great! Money well spent.

RampantIvy · 01/02/2022 22:36

What exactly do you find excrutiating about weddings @FourChimneys?
Not all weddings are long and boring.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/02/2022 22:36

I'd only pay that much if it was one of my children's weddings. But they'd never blow that much on their wedding in the 1st place. DS1 & DiL eloped then had a big party and DS2 says he'd probably do the same.

I wouldn't pay more than I could easily afford for any wedding, not even my own. DH and I cut our 'wedding coat' according to our financial cloth and had something very, very small.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/02/2022 22:36

That’s bloody ridiculous. If he wants everyone there, he can pay!

LeQuern · 01/02/2022 22:38

Plus UK weddings can cost a similar price;

£500 hotel for 2 nights
£100 present
£300-£500 outfit / hair etc
£50 travel
£100 cash for bar etc.

sortitaht · 01/02/2022 22:39

Fuck me! As a family of 4, we have never spent more than 5 grand on a holiday (and usually much less). There is no way I'd spend that going to a wedding.

Sausagesausagesausage · 01/02/2022 22:40

I don't like anyone enough to spend £8k to watch them get married.