How much will you be willing to spend to attend a wedding.

[Tohaveandtohold]

This is inspired by BIL who has decided he’s having a destination wedding. The wedding itself is on Boxing Day but it’ll be a 4 day event, according to him, we’ll explore the location, etc. Flights and the wedding hotel cost for my family (4 of us) has come down to almost £8000. We’ll still pay for the activities, etc as well.

I’ve obviously said there’s no way Im spending that on a wedding but he still thinks we’re just not making an effort to save for it, he’s quite entitled!

So just curious, how much will you be willing to spend to attend someone’s wedding?
For voting,
Yabu- £8k is not a lot
Yanbu- he’s got to be kidding

Save for it???? Who does he think he is thst you would save to attend his wedding?

If he wants to do all this he should factor in the cost of paying for everyone. You know, save for it.

@lolololloo

In this situation I would just tell DH to go. It's his brother and I also wouldn't want to pay 8k for a holiday which is dictated to by someone else.

I originally thought this, but it's over Xmas.... I wouldn't want the family to spend Xmas apart.

@AlexissFreeenncch

There is really no point asking people this *@Tohaveandtohold* as it surely depends on your income? If BIL was having that wedding and it was going to cost £8k I would go but we can also afford it. Some people here saying they didn’t spend that much on their own wedding or only ever give £50 as a gift will obviously not be able to afford it and so wouldn’t pay it.

So the question really is can you afford it? How much would it be to stay in a different cheaper hotel for a week to turn it into a ten day holiday if the majority of the expense is flights?

It's just not about affordability though - even if it was easily affordable it's perfectly acceptable for someone to say "I'm not spending that for four days".

@AnneElliott

We paid £1k for a close friends wedding as H was best man. They divorced after 4 years which was slightly grating! I wouldn't pay more than that unless it was a place I wanted to go anyway.

I wouldn't have done this but I think it depends on finances. £1k on someone else's wedding is a large % of some peoples income.

I was going to say it depends on a) whose wedding, b) the state of my finances, but I could be loaded beyond my wildest dreams and there wouldn't be anyone whose wedding I'd spend 8k on.

£50-£100 for a present and up to £200 for travel and hotel. So £300 would be a comfortable limit.

‘Sorry mate, we can’t afford £8000. We’ll come to your next one’

T?hat's a LOT for most families. I am assuming he doesn't have children. I did't realise until recently how much more expensive and difficult travel is when you have children.

We are a high incme household and even I would balk at spending that kind of money on a wedding (would do it for my brother or DH's sister if I had to but would hope the wedding was absolutely epic for that kind of hassle and money).

I'd pay train fare, a modest present and probably something to wear if I didn't have anything suitable.

The trend for making outrageous demands of wedding guests fascinates me. It's so narcissistic.

If I had £8k to spare it certainly wouldn’t be going on being a guest at a destination wedding, especially as that doesn’t include incidental expenses and being expected to subsidise the in-laws!
I wouldn’t have the nerve to expect guests to do that!

I wouldn't spend more than £20 to £30 or so getting to a wedding.

8k is taking the piss.

People can of course have expensive destination weddings but they have to be prepared that a significant number of people won't be able or willing to attend.

I think it depends on who the wedding is for, how close you are to them and what you can actually afford.

I had to turn downAmy brothers wedding that cost 1k to attend as at the time we were low income and I was on matt leave.

I've also attended a close friend's wedding which cost 4k when times were good.

Anyone booking a destination wedding though should be aware it's likely a lot of people won't be able to attend.

I had a destination wedding, we calculated that the guests could do it for £200 each, flights and hotel. We asked for no gifts, we had a party in the UK so those that couldn't come could still celebrate, we saved up a small fund to supplement, lend, or pay for people we knew would struggle, we hired a large villa so that people could stay with us if they wanted accomodation. Five people took us up on the accomodation, one person borrowed the money for theirs and repair us three years later. Several people didn't come but came to the party in the UK. There was absolutely no pressure to attend. We also factored in school holidays, finding the cheapest time that was in school holdiays where it wasn't too hot (and it meant we ended up with literally one day of the year that would work for most people!) These are considerations you have to make if you get married abroad. Your brother hasn't thought of anyone but himself.

Fuck that! If someone wanted me to go abroad for their wedding when they live in the same country as me, they could pay for that! I won't have someone dictate to me what my family holiday is going to be and how it's going to be spent- because let's face it, 8k is a pretty luxurious family holiday for most. For 4 days, it's ludicrous. That would be two separate all inclusive foreign holidays plus spending for my family! I wouldn't pay for it

£150 including travel, drinks, outfits and present. There’s no way I’d ever pay anywhere near 1k to attend someone else’s wedding.

@Crumbleburntbits

‘Sorry mate, we can’t afford £8000. We’ll come to your next one’

You’d sound like such a twat if you said this

For immediate family I'd be prepared to spend a couple of hundred on hotel and travel, plus gift, new clothes etc.

We usually spend less than £1k on a family holliday for all 4 of us.

@RampantIvy

UK weddings can cost a similar price;

£500 hotel for 2 nights - I would find somewhere cheaper to stay
£100 present - I would give £50 if it was family, less if it wasn't
£300-£500 outfit / hair etc - Maybe £100 max for a new dress. I do my own hair and make up. Do people really spend that much if they aren't part of the wedding party?
£50 travel - depends where the wedding is. It could easily be more
£100 cash for bar etc” - possibly

You clearly move in different circles to me.

I totally agree.

The most expensive dress I own cost £80. I have several outfits in my wardrobe suitable for weddings. It costs £40 to get my hair done, I do my own make up.

£500 for a hotel is way too much. Nothing wrong with a Premier Inn.

I'd be giving a present worth £50-70 for immediate family and £30 ish value for not so close/friends

£50 is probably about right for petrol if its a distance away.

Again, I've never spent £100 on drinks at a bar, ever. Even the most expensive hotel I'd be looking to budget £50.

No more than transport to and from the venue. So maybe £30?

I have better things to do with my money than blow it on someone else's wedding.

I'd be prepared to pay up to about £300 including drinks, outfit and presents.

That's almost twice what DH and I spent on our own wedding. He's deluded if he thinks guests will be willing to spend that.

I guess you all super high earners?

About £12.50.

I'd also phone up sick at the last minute so I didn't have to go.

Destination weddings are ridiculous and selfish.

My brother had a destination wedding and neither us nor my parents could afford to attend. Great way to exclude important members of your family. It's your day after all, but it's pretty selfish.

They're divorced now so I'm glad I didn't have that kind of money to waste anyway.