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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much will you be willing to spend to attend a wedding.

207 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 01/02/2022 21:52

This is inspired by BIL who has decided he’s having a destination wedding. The wedding itself is on Boxing Day but it’ll be a 4 day event, according to him, we’ll explore the location, etc. Flights and the wedding hotel cost for my family (4 of us) has come down to almost £8000. We’ll still pay for the activities, etc as well.

I’ve obviously said there’s no way Im spending that on a wedding but he still thinks we’re just not making an effort to save for it, he’s quite entitled!

So just curious, how much will you be willing to spend to attend someone’s wedding?
For voting,
Yabu- £8k is not a lot
Yanbu- he’s got to be kidding

OP posts:
PrivateHall · 02/02/2022 08:07

I personally couldn't afford that so couldn't go. I have never even spent that on a big family holiday!

NewBrownMouse · 02/02/2022 08:29

Taxi fare if very local or £200 max on a hotel stay plus parking.
Up to £50 on drinks between us in the evening but likely less than this.
Plus outfits for a family of 4 and a wedding gift.
I don't even spend £1k a year on holidays for ourselves I wouldn't spend £8k on attending someone else's wedding - for 8k I'd expect to be choosing the destination and how I spend my time. I also wouldn't be pleased if someone was messing up my Christmas/Boxing Day.

Destination weddings in most cases automatically exclude a significant proportion of guests either through cost or availability for multiple days and couples who have them should accept that and not hold it against people.

Ceramide · 02/02/2022 08:41

£150 max to include travel, B&B, present.

lucillelarusso · 02/02/2022 08:47

That's double the entire cost of my wedding for 120 day and 200 evening guests! Madness, no way.

babyjellyfish · 02/02/2022 08:48

£8000?

Good lord.

No, just no.

The most we have ever spent to attend a wedding was about £2500 plus the cost of about 10 days' unpaid leave for me because I didn't have any holiday allowance. My husband was the best man and the wedding was in Sri Lanka so we turned it into our holiday. Lots of our friends went but the bride and groom didn't put any pressure on anyone to attend, especially since they had already had a smaller wedding back home.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 02/02/2022 08:49

I would only go to a wedding in the UK, certainly wouldn't fly anywhere. So I'm willing to pay for a night in a cheapish hotel, drinks, maybe new clothes, wedding present, travel.

I wouldn't even spend £8000 on a two week holiday. That's more than I spent on my last car.

BunsOfAnarchy · 02/02/2022 08:51

This is a sore subject for me but I cant not reply lol.

I spent 2k to go to a wedding this coming summer for a relative. They put it off twice due to the pandemic and I'm still stunned they are going ahead with it.
With mounting pressure from the family and the fact that I've been accused of 'drifting away' since I chose to divorce exdh, I just felt I had to go.
2 fucking grand for me and a 4 year old.
I'm consoling myself gently now that at least DD gets a wonderful first holiday abroad and she will have her cousins she adores to have fun with too.

But if im honest, unless it's my own wedding, I'll never fork that amount out to any wedding again.

8k...fuck that

ButtercupBlue · 02/02/2022 08:52

I'd be willing to spend the cost of outfits, a present and fuel.

If it was a family member or very very close friend, maybe overnight accommodation within the UK.

We only spent £750 on our own wedding so there's no way on earth I'd be spending more than that on someone else's!

Of course everyone should have the wedding they want where they want it and how they want it, but then they can't expect others to be out of pocket to attend.

Santahasjoinedww · 02/02/2022 08:54

Friggin hell 80 quid would have me moaning!!
Grin

babyjellyfish · 02/02/2022 08:57

My husband is from a different (European) country, so we knew that wherever we chose to get married, we would be asking half our guests to travel abroad. It couldn't be avoided. We decided to get married where we live, which is a popular tourist destination. I think most of our UK guests would have spent about £150 on travel and £100 per night for accommodation, for however many nights they chose to stay (they could have stayed for just one night but I think almost everyone stayed for at least two). Most of them gave us a gift to the value of at least £100, and they would have needed to pay for a few meals out as well. That felt like more than enough to ask people to spend, tbh.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 02/02/2022 09:09

UK travel or a European cheapie flight, a night in a cheap hotel.

I would not appreciate my Christmas or other holiday plans being commandeered, either. Destination weddings are self absorbed knobbery.

Unless planned in close consultation and agreement with a very small invite list as the only attendees.

Enzbear · 02/02/2022 09:16

We spent nowhere near £8k on our own wedding!
We're off to a wedding soon:
I've spent £30 on the hen do, £50 cash in a card.
We already have gladrags.

BMIbum · 02/02/2022 09:39

Most people don't spend that on a family holiday so unless your BIL is ridiculously ignorant he knows fine well that's unreasonable.

For comparison, we spend about £1500 on our main family holiday (cottage in UK). For a close family wedding I'd expect to spend up £600 on accommodation, travel, present, drinks, new outfits for the kids.

grapewine · 02/02/2022 09:43

I won't travel for weddings. 8k for someone else's wedding is beyond ridiculous, and I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't - not even for family.

Chely · 02/02/2022 09:44

Not a chance!!
That is an absurd amount of money to spend attending a wedding, we spent less than that on our whole wedding and minimoon.

jytdtysrht · 02/02/2022 09:47

8000 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

LeQuern · 02/02/2022 09:50

@3WildOnes ok .

I wasn’t posting to be competitive - OP asked for experiences and I gave mine.

Pippa12 · 02/02/2022 09:53

I had a destination wedding and bloody love them!!! But 8k… the guy has gone round the bleeding pipe!!!

I’d pay £3-£4K and incorporate it into an annual family holiday as usual. We flew 4hours to a European holiday destination with a large choice of 2-5 hotels. On the wedding day itself we paid for absolutely everything including their taxis to and from the venue.

8k… highly likely to be a quiet doo!

misspercy · 02/02/2022 09:53

If I really liked someone, I'd spend in the hundreds.

£2k per person? I wouldn't spend that on a holiday for myself, let alone someone else's wedding...

Sibling or not, I wouldn't attend.

Phos · 02/02/2022 09:53

Not a chance, I don't spend 8k on our main family holiday!

I don't get destination weddings though. I suppose we are technically having one but we are not inviting anyone, I don't think people should have to spend their money and annual leave going on a holiday they didn't choose.

Singlebutmarried · 02/02/2022 09:54

£8k!!!

That’s 2 weeks all in at Disney for a family.

Not a chance would I spend that for 4 days.

neverbeenskiing · 02/02/2022 10:25

Not a chance! Destination weddings are usually a pain in the arse for everyone except the couple getting married. Choosing to have a Destination wedding at Christmas is particularly self-absorbed IMO. Not only are they expecting people to spend £££ at the most expensive time of the year but you're also assuming people are happy for their Christmas plans to revolve around their wedding!

ShavingTheBadger · 02/02/2022 10:56

Nope nope nope. I won't go to destination weddings - I value my annual leave allocation far too much. Plus £8k is an extortionate amount - it'd take me two years to save that up.

I'd send apologies and take them somewhere like the Fat Duck when he's next over in the UK. It's expensive but it'd be cheaper than £8k and would be something for him to brag about.

Bagelsandbrie · 02/02/2022 10:59

I wouldn’t spend more than about £50. Seriously. We are fairly low income but there’s no way I’d spend a fortune to attend a wedding. I’d rather spend money doing stuff at home / with my own family etc.

drpet49 · 02/02/2022 10:59

What kind of moron has a destination wedding on Boxing Day?