Shockingly useless DH never fails to surprise me..

[TheRemotePart]

DH works in an office
Asked him to bring me home an envelope so I could post an fairly important form to my workplace
DH returns home with no envelope
Him “ don’t worry , just write the address and I’ll post it for you tomorrow “
Me* writes address down, directly followed by FAO XXX
Today “ did you send the envelope?”
Him ,proudly “yes”
Me “ did you remember to address it to XxX as per written down for you ..?”
Him “ ”

And now I’m not allowed to be even remotely annoyed that post has gone to giant office block reception, rather than intended human /department

He does stuff like this all the time -if you don’t go through each step ( as if to a child) it will generally end in disaster ?
And every time, I usually absorb the information, that XX has been fucked up -I’m not allowed the summer in my annoyance for 5 mins ,quietly to myself ( I don’t usually explode but I do on occasion,as you can imagine…)
It was literal I written down for him?

He’s countering with how should HE know/realise that a huge company would need a vague target/department/person to send it to?( he knew the contents of the letter)

His boss said to him last week “ you must post this envelope it’s very important “ DH couldn’t find a stamp and no one in office had one- so he didn’t post it. He seemed surprised when his boss was annoyed to find it wasn’t sent?

And the last time I sent him out with a fully addressed letter( important) to be sent, he bought a stamp- but DIDN’T put it on!?

YANBU - it’s literally not hard to post a letter
YABU - he clearly cannot be trusted with this mammoth task

• for clarity, I’m at home with DC on mat leave which is why I didn’t post /buy it myself - in amongst that wild storm of this week!

I think strategic incompetence is real, but at the same time some people are better suited to some tasks than others.

My husband strenuously avoids landing detail-oriented tasks on my plate - finding deals, choosing high value, high spec items etc. He will do his research, whereas if it's not in the top ten results of Google there is no chance I'm buying.

And I make sure any task where speed/frequency/efficiency is if the essence, I am responsible. Because we would have to wear every pair of underwear back to front and inside out before he did the laundry.

It balances out. Both of us have our blind spots.

@SequinnedShawl

My last job you simply could not take "an envelope" as there literally were none on the premises! Anything needing enveloping was sent elsewhere to be printed and enveloped.

Besides who doesn't have envelopes in the house? Plus I suspect if it were an official document from work they would supply a reply paid envelope to be sure it got back to the right department.

I don't have any in the house. Why would I need any? Excluding the odd birthday/Christmas card, I haven't had to send a letter to anyone in years. Everything is done online, now. If I need to post anything, I go to the Post Office and purchase the required envelope in the shop, fill it out at the bench off to the side of the PO and then post it.

I have absolutely no need for them 99.8% of the time. Same goes for having stamps lying round in the house, too.

[quote TheRemotePart]@JudgeJ a wife’s errands?
F.ck me …[/quote]
She was expecting him to filch an envelope from his office, I call that an errand for his wife, ie a wife's errands, an errand that his wife tasked him to do in her stead. Can it be any clearer dear?

@UserBot9to5 😂 That made me laugh! So random.

I really couldn't be with someone like this, you're supposed to work as a team to support and help each other. Not create work!

If he makes every task he does a disaster you must spend more time sorting his fuck ups. The shopping, he comes home with 3 items, you have to go back out (probably after writing the shopping list and planning the meals to start with). He mucks up a letter address or doesn't post it, you end up sorting a replacement or things are late, as they take longer to be delivered

Some of you are fucking nuts…😂

It’s totally understandable to need or want a favour occasionally. Especially from your spouse. This might take the form of getting an envelope or some other menial thing that you absolutely could do but it would be easier if you didn’t have to.

My exH would do stuff like this. To the point I couldn't stay married to him any longer or I might have put his useless head through a wall.

OP, I’m very sorry for contributing to the derailing of your thread.

Your husband sounds like my ex. It’s infuriating and wearying. I don’t know what to suggest. It was a very basic task and he failed to deliver. You know you aren’t being unreasonable.

Are you not worried about his job OP if he can’t buy a stamp and post a letter when his boss asks him.
He sounds a bit thick tbh.

He sounds like he's away with the fairies. Just not listening.

How can he not have grasped that when his boss asked him to post an important letter, his task was to post the letter?

What does he have going on in his head, instead of listening and paying attention to anything anyone says to him?

@TheRemotePart

*this isn’t a thread about stationary theft, jeez No his workplace wouldn’t mind

@TheRemotePart

Do you think he may have undiagnosed dyspraxia?

Not in relation to physical matters more poor time management and social situations, etc.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/developmental-coordination-disorder-dyspraxia-in-adults/

@CorsicaDreaming no, he’s ok at math and his hobby is quite physical and requires control of his body…

I just want to congratulate you all on being so wonderfully unfamiliar with these new-fangled postal services.

Have you considered pigeons?

@WeAreTheHeroes

Well for starters where I work that would theft - taking an envelope for personal use.

He does sound useless though. I frequently buy online postage for work with a corporate credit card so no issues with stamps or no access to a franking machine if I'm at home.

🤣🤣

@TheRemotePart

See everyone that either HAS ADHD or lives with someone who does? Is it better knowing? Had it made a difference? That you/they can’t help it? Do you just ask for less/ask them less things to do?

Medication can help, so can putting strategies in place to help deal with it.

Now that I realise DP has ADHD it's changed how we divide tasks. I've stopped asking him to sort out things like paying our water bill (he couldn't figure out how to set up a direct debit, I only found out when we got a letter saying the bill hadn't been paid in 3 months!) or renewing insurance policies. Instead I do that stuff and his jobs are things like taking the rubbish out, mowing the lawns, basically stuff that doesn't require a lot of concentration and the world won't end if he forgets it.

@Marmarind

Why don't you have envelops and stamps at home so you can send letters yourself? Most people do.

Most people I know do not have this. They go out and buy envelopes and stamps as needed. But then, most people I know don't need to send anything regularly.

This is bonkers as well, how on earth can you know what “most people you know” have or don’t have in their homes by way of stationery supplies or how often they need to post something? Do you only know two or three people?

@WeAreTheHeroes

Well for starters where I work that would theft - taking an envelope for personal use.

He does sound useless though. I frequently buy online postage for work with a corporate credit card so no issues with stamps or no access to a franking machine if I'm at home.

Who do you work for? Joseph Stalin?

rolls eyes

Oh grow up - no, but a fairly big company where if everyone helped themselves to an envelope we'd have to buy more. Not that much gets posted anywhere these days.

Where do you people find these men?

And why do you get into long-term relationships with them?

You realise there are men out there who are able to function as competent adults? Why not try one of those on for size?

It’s really hard to have any sympathy.

I’m sure I’ll now get called smug for having a DH who’s not incompetent….

@WeAreTheHeroes

Oh grow up - no, but a fairly big company where if everyone helped themselves to an envelope we'd have to buy more. Not that much gets posted anywhere these days.

Exactly l, so it's unlikely that everyone would need an envelope! I'm not sure the previous PP needs to grow up.

Clearly, if the theft of an envelope was an issue then the DH could've said I can't do that!

Well, at least he isn't just being useless with you, his boss gets to experience it too! This isn't just a case of the high competent husband at work being useless at home.

"DH couldn’t find a stamp and no one in office had one- so he didn’t post it. He seemed surprised when his boss was annoyed to find it wasn’t sent?"

I suppose that was pretty much a clue that he wouldn't bother or would cock it up.

"He does stuff like this all the time -if you don’t go through each step ( as if to a child) it will generally end in disaster ?"

And that!

Sounds very familiar- it absolutely enrages me.

How annoying. However, I don’t think you’ve helped yourself by turning posting a letter into a two-person task. All the business of him not bringing home envelopes and you writing addresses on little bits of paper…it really doesn’t have to be that complicated. Neither of you sounds very organised.

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

Where do you people find these men?

And why do you get into long-term relationships with them?

You realise there are men out there who are able to function as competent adults? Why not try one of those on for size?

It’s really hard to have any sympathy.

I’m sure I’ll now get called smug for having a DH who’s not incompetent….

If feels they're common.

Presumably many of them conceal their strategic incompetence or it's not until children that they unleash it in its strongest form. Supported by some MN commenters, some men develop the 'breadwinners' urge to disengage from a shared relationship and assert the right to be responsible for no social or domestic responsibilities and to develop time-consuming hobbies.

You do realise we live in a society where "Boys will be boys" is accepted as a reason to pass off poor behaviour? And where women are told to lower their bar even on MN and what else they can expect etc.?

And, despite the high prevalence of mental health conditions and some conditions that make everyday life overwhelming for some people and despite a lack of NHS support (never mind the ability for some people to recognise those conditions), you nonetheless decide to withhold your sympathy and, it seems, your empathy.

Smug wasn't the word that came to mind.