Shockingly useless DH never fails to surprise me..

[TheRemotePart]

DH works in an office
Asked him to bring me home an envelope so I could post an fairly important form to my workplace
DH returns home with no envelope
Him “ don’t worry , just write the address and I’ll post it for you tomorrow “
Me* writes address down, directly followed by FAO XXX
Today “ did you send the envelope?”
Him ,proudly “yes”
Me “ did you remember to address it to XxX as per written down for you ..?”
Him “ ”

And now I’m not allowed to be even remotely annoyed that post has gone to giant office block reception, rather than intended human /department

He does stuff like this all the time -if you don’t go through each step ( as if to a child) it will generally end in disaster ?
And every time, I usually absorb the information, that XX has been fucked up -I’m not allowed the summer in my annoyance for 5 mins ,quietly to myself ( I don’t usually explode but I do on occasion,as you can imagine…)
It was literal I written down for him?

He’s countering with how should HE know/realise that a huge company would need a vague target/department/person to send it to?( he knew the contents of the letter)

His boss said to him last week “ you must post this envelope it’s very important “ DH couldn’t find a stamp and no one in office had one- so he didn’t post it. He seemed surprised when his boss was annoyed to find it wasn’t sent?

And the last time I sent him out with a fully addressed letter( important) to be sent, he bought a stamp- but DIDN’T put it on!?

YANBU - it’s literally not hard to post a letter
YABU - he clearly cannot be trusted with this mammoth task

• for clarity, I’m at home with DC on mat leave which is why I didn’t post /buy it myself - in amongst that wild storm of this week!

men 🙄🙄🙄

Did you post about this not so long ago? Or shall I add you to the list of the 76,234 DH's who can't accept they either have a cognitive processing issue or are lazy buggers?

See there is probably an element of strategic incompetence here. And yes that’s annoying. but…

I just can’t understand why you’d decide you need to post something, ask your husband to get an envelope from work, bring it home so you can address it (and fill it), then presumably ask him to post it for you (again at work).

I mean… envelopes and stamps are not expensive. It would be much easier to just pick up a pack and have them at home for use when you need to post something.

Maybe the strategic incompetence is a response to regularly being told to do random little bits of stuff. Maybe he’d be better with the whole task and the freedom to do it his way.

I mean, maybe he’d be worse.

@SafeMove well it’s obviously one of the other, the question was: aibu to keep trying ? Give him another chance?
Exhausting.

Oh dear. You appear to have married my exH. My sympathies.

Seriously though, his strategic incompetence is a thinly veiled mask for him being very selfish, lazy or just very little respect for the things that are important to you.

Up to you, but I decided not to live my life with that level of fuckwittery and got myself a fully functioning partner.

The kind of situation where you've got to get something posted asap and have no envelopes. I've never known anywhere that would say no to that kind of request. That's baffling to me

I went to a fraud prevention talk with a very large organisation where we were told that taking pens is bad and is theft. I did wonder at that point how much stationery was offset by the vast quantities of unpaid overtime that we all did, but I digress.

I would say strategic incompetence OP but it's odd that he does it at work as well. Usually with strategic incompetence men who can't write a shopping list, let alone do the actual shopping, can manage a budget of millions without a glitch. But I'd be very wary of your DH's behaviour. IME these things get worse unless the person is very active in tackling them.

I am jaded by personal experience with my parents and the level of absolute shit my mum puts up with from my dad though. My dad is now a lump who can get biscuits from the cupboard to his mouth but not from the shop to the cupboard. Biscuits appear by magic. And then when they're gone, the wrapper gets whisked away by fairies. This is the world my dad lives in. My DP was thinking of taking lessons from him. I have told my DP that if this happens, he will no longer be either D or a P.

@oranges29

I have a sibling who is a bit like this. Could he have ADHD?

Ooh bloody hell, you've had it now.

He's obviously a bit thick. Presumably you knew that when you married him.

@WeAreTheHeroes

Well for starters where I work that would theft - taking an envelope for personal use.

He does sound useless though. I frequently buy online postage for work with a corporate credit card so no issues with stamps or no access to a franking machine if I'm at home.

Fuck.ing hell.

Didn’t realise Oliver Twist workhouses were still a thing. Do they feed you gru-EL too and refuse to give you more?

OP. You’re husband is a twat. Not sure if a leopard can change its spots. Common sense can’t be learned easily.

Can you seriously not go and buy an envelope yourself and post it? You are on mat leave not in prison!! I’m a single mum and did everything myself.. I can’t even imagine ever asking someone to post a letter for me .. actually I lie.. I did once.. when I was bed bound with badly broken leg and not allowed to go further than my bathroom.

need to give DH the chance to be “supportive “ otherwise, what’s the point?

Is issuing him with random parts of tasks really the best way for him to ‘support’?

Is he not supportive in lots of other ways that just aren’t envelope procurement?

@BertramLacey I would imagine that the amount of pen theft is generally offset enormously by the number of people buying their own pens (and such like).

I had to buy my own bloody laptop in my previous job because they wouldn’t provide one. Despite the role requiring me to be away from my desk and work in all sorts of places.

Sounds pretty useless. Perhaps your judgement of character to marry him was more useless though

@BurntToastAgain random parts of the task?
Bringing home an envelope ? Then posting it?
He wasn’t to blindly erect an ikea bookcase…

@Beachbreak2411 as a single person, you had no choice but to depend on yourself. I shouldn’t have to, if I’m married.

@Beachbreak2411 you've missed the point by a mile. Of course OP could get an envelope for herself.but seeing that her 'dp' had a ready supply of them at work it's not exactly asking a lot for him to being one back.

@Buttercupsx indeed.

YANBU. I could have written this.

This evening;

1. partner works late. Joins us at bedtime (toddler and 10 month old baby).
2. I tidy bedroom
3. partner goes to get drink for toddler
4. partner leaves baby gate on bedroom door open with toddler holding open.
5. baby crawls out of bedroom and nearly goes head down the stairs.

Toddler yells "baby is out!", I look around and yell "Quick! Get the baby! Who left the babygate open?!" (Knowing it was partner as toddler can't open it)

Partner: "don't blame me, toddler held it open." FFS it could have killed our baby. Who blames a toddler on their own stupidity.

My partner cannot accept responsibility when he's wrong. He never thinks he's wrong. He's great in many ways but he's an absolute child when it comes to accepting he's in the wrong. It boils my blood.

Oh you poor soul, I have one of these. I’ve been teaching my DH how to grill bacon 🙄 this week we’ve moved in to sausages, but wanted them done in the oven, I asked him to put the oven on at 180c he shouted from the kitchen do I need to close the oven door now 🙄 I went in he’d put the grill on again !

I can’t even imagine ever asking someone to post a letter for me

Well that's a sad state of affairs, isn't it?

[quote TheRemotePart]@BurntToastAgain random parts of the task?
Bringing home an envelope ? Then posting it?
He wasn’t to blindly erect an ikea bookcase…

@Beachbreak2411 as a single person, you had no choice but to depend on yourself. I shouldn’t have to, if I’m married.[/quote]
It is random parts of the task you wanted to achieve.

How could it possibly be easier to contact him then ask him to get an envelope and bring it home with him than to go to the local shop (or Amazon!) and buy a pack of envelopes?

It’s almost like you are making it harder for yourself and seeking out opportunities to feel disappointed in him.

Does he do the actually important things? Does he contribute financially? Does he pull his weight with parenting and housework while he’s at home?

If yes: why are you setting him weird, petty part tasks so you can be annoyed at him?

If no: that’s the actual problem.

@ZenNudist

Spring for an envelope and DIY.

Exactly, because doing the job you're paid to do sometimes gets in the way of doing a wife's errands that she should do herself if it's so important and he has a record of messing up!

We once turned up to a wedding to which we were invited and the groom, an old friend of POH, laughed and said he knew we were coming when an empty envelope arrived from our area!

The people suggesting just do it yourself are missing the point I think this sort of thing goes hand in hand with why woman have to always take on the mental load!

Men mess up and we can't ask/trust them again so just take everything on

I was thinking exactly the same thing as @ADisgruntledPelican

I can’t even imagine ever asking someone to post a letter for me

???? This thread is delightfully bonkers

YANBU. My DH is exactly the same and it drives me up the wall! I send him to Tesco for three things (with pictures FFS) and he’ll come back missing an item or they’re all completely wrong despite the picture. It’s the laid back “it don’t matter” attitude that irritates me the most and god forbid I get annoyed about it yet it’s a good 5 days out of the week we have the same issue of him just being thick.