Shockingly useless DH never fails to surprise me..

[TheRemotePart]

DH works in an office
Asked him to bring me home an envelope so I could post an fairly important form to my workplace
DH returns home with no envelope
Him “ don’t worry , just write the address and I’ll post it for you tomorrow “
Me* writes address down, directly followed by FAO XXX
Today “ did you send the envelope?”
Him ,proudly “yes”
Me “ did you remember to address it to XxX as per written down for you ..?”
Him “ ”

And now I’m not allowed to be even remotely annoyed that post has gone to giant office block reception, rather than intended human /department

He does stuff like this all the time -if you don’t go through each step ( as if to a child) it will generally end in disaster ?
And every time, I usually absorb the information, that XX has been fucked up -I’m not allowed the summer in my annoyance for 5 mins ,quietly to myself ( I don’t usually explode but I do on occasion,as you can imagine…)
It was literal I written down for him?

He’s countering with how should HE know/realise that a huge company would need a vague target/department/person to send it to?( he knew the contents of the letter)

His boss said to him last week “ you must post this envelope it’s very important “ DH couldn’t find a stamp and no one in office had one- so he didn’t post it. He seemed surprised when his boss was annoyed to find it wasn’t sent?

And the last time I sent him out with a fully addressed letter( important) to be sent, he bought a stamp- but DIDN’T put it on!?

YANBU - it’s literally not hard to post a letter
YABU - he clearly cannot be trusted with this mammoth task

• for clarity, I’m at home with DC on mat leave which is why I didn’t post /buy it myself - in amongst that wild storm of this week!

OR - and I realise this sounds a bit mad - go out and buy a packet of envelopes and send it yourself?

Jesus, if something is important TO YOU, then surely the onus is on YOU to do it, is it not?

I just can't stop thinking about Dawn and the post it notes...

Sorry OP, but... Why can't you buy your own envelopes and address them yourself? If it's so important to you, and you know your DH has form for being forgetful... He's not your private secretary, is he?

Anyone can order stationary from the Internet (and why don't you already have a stash of envelopes at home? why do you need to nick them from your DH's workplace instead?)
Sounds like it's not just your DH being a bit useless, quite frankly. Do you ever take responsibility for yourself, or always find others to blame?

@TheRemotePart,
YANBU to be extremely pissed off.

YABU to keep trying.

But I think he needs to hear that what he is doing - saying yes when he has no intention of fulfilling a promise - is as corrosive as rust to a relationship or an employment contract.

You need to sit him down and tell him to shut up and listen. Then tell him how deeply unattractive he is fast becoming in your eyes, that you thought you were marrying an adult, that you feel you are being let down constantly.

Tell him his complete disrespect for other people is making you very angry, tell him there is a problem in his approach to teamwork that he needs to fix, and that you will expect to hear his ideas as to solutions by the weekend.

Tell him you are not interested in any more bullshit if he tries to express surprise that he was actually expected to do what he agreed to do, and tell him to tell you straight up if he doesn't want to help you in specific ways you asked for help, like the envelope. Tell him you would rather be told a flat out no than a yes that wasn't genuine.

There is a train of thought in some people who think that if they do things very badly, they will not be asked again. Gives them the get out of jail free card.

Why didn't you just get an envelope from a shop and post your item yourself?

He's not your private secretary, is he?
Do you lot honestly never ask your partners for favours? If you’re popping to the shop do you say “Want anything while I’m out?” or is it every person for themselves? Do you offer them tea when you’re making one for yourself? Ask them to pass the remote if they’re standing up anyway?

@RobotValkyrie

Sorry OP, but... Why can't you buy your own envelopes and address them yourself? If it's so important to you, and you know your DH has form for being forgetful... He's not your private secretary, is he?

Anyone can order stationary from the Internet (and why don't you already have a stash of envelopes at home? why do you need to nick them from your DH's workplace instead?)
Sounds like it's not just your DH being a bit useless, quite frankly. Do you ever take responsibility for yourself, or always find others to blame?

It's stationery!

Also, what's wrong with asking a simple request and he offered to post it, why did he do that if he's not capable of doing it as requested?

@Chely

You want a job doing right, do it yourself

That’s why I don’t ask anyone to do anything for me. I do it myself, and then I don’t get annoyed when people forget. I’m guessing he has form for being forgetful, so why put yourself through it? If you don’t want to go out, just order a pack of envelopes on Amazon, next day delivery, then you won’t have to ask him again for the foreseeable.

I’m a fully competent adult, I promise it I hate posting stuff. I usually forget

@stuntbubbles

He's not your private secretary, is he? Do you lot honestly never ask your partners for favours? If you’re popping to the shop do you say “Want anything while I’m out?” or is it every person for themselves? Do you offer them tea when you’re making one for yourself? Ask them to pass the remote if they’re standing up anyway?

Isn't it just such an odd way to live in a relationship?

My DH today wanted to know know why I hadn't asked him to pick up dinner items on the way home?

I was fine popping out after finishing work, but his view was you didn't need to do that, I could've got them.

I get the irritation with the useless bloke but the envelope example is poor. I can’t relate at all to running out of envelopes and defaulting to getting your DH to nick one from work rather than just buying some. I’m not going to go all hyperbolic about petty theft but it’s a pretty shit attitude so YABU.

Out of curiosity OP, what job does your DH do, what kind of seniority? Just curious really if he generally displays competence to a high level at work.

@stuntbubbles I’m just ignoring the ones about “ I can’t BELIEVE you’d ask DH, an adult,for a simple favour”
Mumsnet madness lol.
If they can’t read the first post or RTFT then ….?

• or ones about envelopes and how they were acquired …

To everyone saying “why didn’t you just get an envelope and post it yourself”…why didn’t you just read the thread?

OP, YADNBU. And incidentally I do work somewhere where taking stationery would be frowned upon (because we’re reminded regularly that the taxpayer ultimately buys our stationery) but - crucially - I also recognise that different workplaces have different attitudes to things like this, and can assume from the context that this is not an issue for the OP’s DH, or his reply to her request would have been “I’d better not, it would be theft” and not “yes dear”.

@RobotValkyrie

Sorry OP, but... Why can't you buy your own envelopes and address them yourself? If it's so important to you, and you know your DH has form for being forgetful... He's not your private secretary, is he?

Anyone can order stationary from the Internet (and why don't you already have a stash of envelopes at home? why do you need to nick them from your DH's workplace instead?)
Sounds like it's not just your DH being a bit useless, quite frankly. Do you ever take responsibility for yourself, or always find others to blame?

Only on MN!! 🙄

@ChiefWiggumsBoy
@WaterBottle123

I don't need to get grip, etc. Just relaying that taking stationery from work for personal use is classed at theft in the company I work for. I don't make the rules .

@stuntbubblesband thanks, that’s helpful
As I keep wondering if it would make a difference

@TheRemotePart

See everyone that either HAS ADHD or lives with someone who does? Is it better knowing? Had it made a difference? That you/they can’t help it? Do you just ask for less/ask them less things to do?

Adhd is not an excuse, but knowing, and working to develop strategies that help can be a game changer. So much of my life was spent losing things and forgetting things and being late but with support I am able to structure myself better and work around it rather than against it IYSWIM? But IF he has adhd and isn't just weaponising his incompetence it will require commitment. And possibly medication. It worked for me!

@TheRemotePart I definitely notice when DP’s forgotten to take his morning pill. But crucially, he wants to find solutions: so he actively sought out the diagnosis, reads books on dealing with ADHD, puts reminders on his phone for medication and household tasks, etc. It probably wouldn’t make a difference if he weren’t invested – if he metaphorically forgot the envelope, you know?

@CandyLeBonBon thanks that’s helpful
@stuntbubbles yes true enough.. he’s never wanted to admit there’s anything “amiss”

He sounds like a child.

No workplace is going to be bothered about someone taking an envelope.

Well apart from the ones where they clearly do mind. A few places I've worked at take a dim view of it. Not a 'quick, log it with 101' dim view of it, but you would be told not to do it again. Mainly their take on it is that it isn't one envelope. It's that they're not your personal stationery suppliers. And given that the OP doesn't even work at the place you can see why some people might have a problem with that attitude.

YANBU about your DH
YABU not to have envelopes and stamps for billets doux for your lover. You are entitled to one in the circs