Shockingly useless DH never fails to surprise me..

[TheRemotePart]

DH works in an office
Asked him to bring me home an envelope so I could post an fairly important form to my workplace
DH returns home with no envelope
Him “ don’t worry , just write the address and I’ll post it for you tomorrow “
Me* writes address down, directly followed by FAO XXX
Today “ did you send the envelope?”
Him ,proudly “yes”
Me “ did you remember to address it to XxX as per written down for you ..?”
Him “ ”

And now I’m not allowed to be even remotely annoyed that post has gone to giant office block reception, rather than intended human /department

He does stuff like this all the time -if you don’t go through each step ( as if to a child) it will generally end in disaster ?
And every time, I usually absorb the information, that XX has been fucked up -I’m not allowed the summer in my annoyance for 5 mins ,quietly to myself ( I don’t usually explode but I do on occasion,as you can imagine…)
It was literal I written down for him?

He’s countering with how should HE know/realise that a huge company would need a vague target/department/person to send it to?( he knew the contents of the letter)

His boss said to him last week “ you must post this envelope it’s very important “ DH couldn’t find a stamp and no one in office had one- so he didn’t post it. He seemed surprised when his boss was annoyed to find it wasn’t sent?

And the last time I sent him out with a fully addressed letter( important) to be sent, he bought a stamp- but DIDN’T put it on!?

YANBU - it’s literally not hard to post a letter
YABU - he clearly cannot be trusted with this mammoth task

• for clarity, I’m at home with DC on mat leave which is why I didn’t post /buy it myself - in amongst that wild storm of this week!

my god are we married to the same man.i can not believe similar stuff my hubby does,i call him a cross between david from heartbeat/mr bean/benny from crossroads and frank spencer from some mothers do have them,its draining .i feel your pain believe ,me

Was he dropped on his head as a child?

How could it possibly be easier to contact him then ask him to get an envelope and bring it home with him than to go to the local shop (or Amazon!) and buy a pack of envelopes?

It’s almost like you are making it harder for yourself and seeking out opportunities to feel disappointed in him.

You can't see how it's easier to say to your partner - someone you're presumably in regular contact with anyway - 'can you grab me an envelope from work, love?', than to go to a shop

The OP asked a tiny, very easy favour of her DH - it could only really be seen as a test he might be expected to/was set up to fail if there's a drip feed coming that he's a chimp undergoing an experiment to see if he can perform basic human tasks.

I guess it wasn't important enough for him to remember/do properly.

We have envelopes in the house, not stamps.

I'm a 15min bike ride away from a place I can buy them & I don't work so obviously unless ill, no hassle for me to do myself.

It's not that easy for everyone though!

@HeyArnoldHey

The people suggesting just do it yourself are missing the point I think this sort of thing goes hand in hand with why woman have to always take on the mental load!

Men mess up and we can't ask/trust them again so just take everything on

I don’t agree. I think that allocating your husband little jobs is anything other than ‘sharing the mental load’.

Honestly, I’d find it beyond irritating if a partner kept allocating me parts of tasks they’d decided to do. I’m not a toddler. They don’t need to find ways for me to contribute (to their plan).

Are you physically incapable of getting to a post office to send the letter yourself? It sounds like much more effort telling DH to do than it would to just do it yourself.

YABU buy or nick your own envelopes and do it yourself.

The title puzzles me.
Surely you know by now he's a tosspot & shouldn't be surprised by anything he does/doesn't do ?

Yabu to not respect his Very Important Job.
I have accepted my dh is unable to function as an adult in our marriage.. Underlying adhd at best.. It is draining op.

@HardbackWriter

How could it possibly be easier to contact him then ask him to get an envelope and bring it home with him than to go to the local shop (or Amazon!) and buy a pack of envelopes?

It’s almost like you are making it harder for yourself and seeking out opportunities to feel disappointed in him.

You can't see how it's easier to say to your partner - someone you're presumably in regular contact with anyway - 'can you grab me an envelope from work, love?', than to go to a shop

The OP asked a tiny, very easy favour of her DH - it could only really be seen as a test he might be expected to/was set up to fail if there's a drip feed coming that he's a chimp undergoing an experiment to see if he can perform basic human tasks.

Yes. It would be easier to order a pack of envelopes from Amazon than to ask my husband to get it. I’ve never spent all day bothering him with trivial shit. And I wouldn’t expect him to bother me with it.

If I’m at work, I’m working. If you ask me to get an envelope I have to go and find one, and put it in my bag so I remember to take it home. It’s not going to be top of my list of priorities. Ever.

I’d assume my husband was busy doing work. And determine that, since we’d run out if envelopes and I required one, I should solve that problem by buying envelopes.

I’d expect my husband to do the same if he needed an envelope and found they’d run out. I would be annoyed if he asked me to get some for him.

It's not 'allocating him part of the task', it's saying 'can you get an envelope from the place you're going to anyway that has envelopes'. She didn't ask him so he could be involved, she asked him because it was easier for him to get one from work than for her to go to the shop just for an envelope. Are you seriously saying that if your partner asked you to, say, grab one ingredient they needed for dinner from the shop you'd refuse because you're either all in on this making dinner project or you refuse to have any involvement? Because if so I don't think your relationships are likely to be happy ones.

I think it's a definitely a high level of useless-ness. Half way through your post I started to think the usual Mumsnet thought of "yeah but I bet he's not that useless at work etc..." and then lo and behold he hit a minor obstacle and stuffed it up there too!

Mmm..

Ask him to print out 3 months bank statements (his) - he prints out two, and only the first pages of each. So useful.

Asked him to post something urgent - discovered it still in the door pocket of the car a week later.

In the last seven days:

Asked him to bleed a rad, and then if the horrid noise in the heating didn't stop, bleed air from the boiler (instruction manual shows you how, front panel off, spring loaded valve, twist, see if it goes hiss, let go, done).

Half an hour later panicked mumbling 'we need a plumber'..

He's not bled the radiator. Did bleed the boiler but then decided to open it up fully and 'check everything' and now the PCB is farrrrrked and it is DEAD and I've had to sort a plumber and buy a new PCB.

Asked him to heat some plates for dinner - reminded him oven was last on hot for something, turn it down. He didn't, plates stupid hot, so he put them in the sink and turned on the cold tap. Plates now in bits, in the bin.

Few months back ... 'Don't try to move that sofa out via the hall and front door it won't fit, you'll rip the rad off...'

He did. It did. Took us ages to sort a plumber to fit a new rad (yes thats a job most people can do themselves but not him!)

There are days I feel I would be more usefully employed bouncing my head off a wall.

I’d expect my husband to do the same if he needed an envelope and found they’d run out. I would be annoyed if he asked me to get some for him.

What a fun, easy-going and cooperative approach to marriage, and indeed life.

@BurntToastAgain

It's attitudes like this that have left women holding the mental load for the last few centuries. Poor man, being expected to carry out a basic task, WTAF?

If I asked my DH to get me an envelope, he'd get one. He also bring back a bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate. Because that's what a partner does, they make your life better for being in it. What's the point otherwise?

@WeAreTheHeroes

Well for starters where I work that would theft - taking an envelope for personal use.

He does sound useless though. I frequently buy online postage for work with a corporate credit card so no issues with stamps or no access to a franking machine if I'm at home.

Agree. Alot of people will think its over the top as it is just an envelope but you shouldn't really be asking him to take stationery for personal use.

That aside, he does sound pretty useless. This would frustrate me as it shouldn't be a case of having to do it yourself to get it right

In fact, that is exactly what my position on this is. Envelope procurement is a household responsibility. If they run out and it comes to your notice, then you replenish the sticks of envelopes. Whichever one of you that is. You don’t bother the other one with it.

Same with changing light bulbs or toilet rolls or whatever. Whoever is there at the time should do it.

What they shouldn’t do is delegate the task to the other one without good reason.

@TheRemotePart Weaponised incompetence

ADHD 😆. He’s just a man.

You can’t ask people to do you favors then blame them when they get it wrong, as they usually do. Buy your own envelope & post your own letter, or send an email.

Yanbu to not want to take baby out in a storm, I wouldn't want to either if my dh who had to go out anyway and could post the letter for me. This type of behaviour would annoy me and I would resent having to be the adult and would have ditched him long before kids, cognitive issues, laziness or otherwise. Why haven't you? Surely this has come up previously? Did you think you could live with it and if it is annoying you now, what has changed? He can't be relied upon to do simple tasks, to follow through and you will always have to mollycoddle him. I'd opt out. It is up to you though as you know him better, maybe he has many other redeeming qualities?

Have you ever considered that the cause is neurological? Dyspraxia/Attention Deficit/Audio Processing Disorder?

My husband definitely has (undiagnosed) audio processing disorder, and also attention deficit. It's taken me years to realise it, but I see the same traits in his siblings and in one of our children - I've enough experience to know now it's primarily neurological. I still get cross and tell him to manage it - like do what you've to do, write it down, text yourself - whatever it takes! But it's exhausting as a partner, so I empathise.

[quote Treacletoots]@BurntToastAgain

It's attitudes like this that have left women holding the mental load for the last few centuries. Poor man, being expected to carry out a basic task, WTAF?

If I asked my DH to get me an envelope, he'd get one. He also bring back a bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate. Because that's what a partner does, they make your life better for being in it. What's the point otherwise?[/quote]
No it’s not. Because allocating tasks to your husband is the definition of taking on the mental load. Otherwise you wouldn’t be assigning the tasks.

My way means that no one carries the mental load for petty household shit.

@Treacletoots I agree. If my dh didn't enrich my life he wouldn't be in it.

@HardbackWriter

I’d expect my husband to do the same if he needed an envelope and found they’d run out. I would be annoyed if he asked me to get some for him.

What a fun, easy-going and cooperative approach to marriage, and indeed life.

Actually it is because I’m not nagging anyone about envelopes. Nor am I being nagged. Yet there are envelopes available.

@GettingThemFromHereToThere
Aw I FEEL for you.
WTAF!?
Yes I’m still getting lip about this
He oftens goes onto mumsnet to see if I’ve been complaining about him. Lol why don’t you read a parenting book? Google how to fix something you’ve broken instead ?