AIBU to think that fat women are overlooked?

[Mylittleponyskinnyandbony]

I didn't use to be fat.
In my twenties I was slim - curvy but slim.
I could lie down and my stomach would dip in as I had so little fat on me.
Fast forward twenty years.
Add in three children.
Add in depression and emotional eating.
I'm fat. I get overlooked all the time in everyday life. I get judged all the time and not kindly neither. I look in the mirror and I'm the fat old dinner lady I used to make jokes about when I was younger. You get the picture. AIBU to think that fat women get overlooked - for promotion, for ideas, for their knowledge, for their hard work for everything they do. Just because they are fat. This post may read very bizarre if you aren't fat and once upon a time I would have eyerolled at this too. But now I'm writing it. So AIBU?

Pretty thin priviledge is definately a thing.

Errr the rhyme is clearly:

My Little Pony
Skinny and bony
In their stable
Drinking Black Label

The rhyme in my school was

My Little Pony
Skinny and bony
Always being moany
Like Mrs Maloney

Your school needs an extra syllable in the third line to make it scan properly surely @TheSnufflet? (Still it's better than being horribly offensive!)

It is. I'm firmly of the opinion that many overweight people have conditions contributing to their being overweight that are going undiagnosed because of this prejudice.

This is definitely something I’ve experienced.

I struggled with pain for many years and was fobbed off over it. Mentioned it in passing after being eight stone down (as in “obviously still have x pain” simply in passing) and was instantly picked up on and referred.

Decent painkillers were given, scan organised and that in turn lead to surgery. I got a bollocking from the surgeon for waiting so long and in the end GP apologised for the delays and has said they felt it was just weight/lifestyle related when it wasn’t at all.

It also turns out that the pregnancy that happened on the pill likely happened as that pill should have been given in double dose for someone of the size I was at the time. Apparently I should have asked… how I was supposed to know that when neither the GP nor the pharmacist picked up on it I don’t know!

For those who are wondering at my school the rhyme went "my little pony skinny and boney give him some cheese and some hot macaroni" I had school dinners - this was my favourite by far. I'm not changing my username just because of the variations of it - that I'm not aware of - may offend people I've never met - I've seen way worse on MN. Get a grip if you feel offended!

I'll be clear about the dinner lady comment - I was very, very young (6,7,8) the dinner lady was a large, grumpy lady who never smiled at the children - I despair that I now look like that when I'm not like that at all. Thanks for input so far - most posters I think are responding in an honest balanced way and sharing their personal experiences which have been appreciated.

I merely wondered if my experience was unique or if others had been through similar.

I also had no idea of the variations mentioned. They were not the rhyme I was referring to at all.

Maybe go look at the other thread where Victoria Beckham is being judged (and not nicely) for what she eats, and ultimately being thin!

All her hard work and success is also being ignored because of her diet and looks!

Sound familiar?

People need to focus on themselves, stop commenting on other people, and learn to ignore other people a bit more!

It’s proper shit that women are so harshly scrutinised; fat, thin, fake-looking, unkempt etc etc

We can all do better!

You really do like telling people what to do and think @Quincythequince. It’s been quite something else on this thread

I’ve been a myriad of sizes and I will agree that when I was recently postnatal and overweight I was very overlooked in general. Men of similar build would have been deemed dad bod attractive. Sucks to be a woman!

"There's even starting to come out some research that appears to show that diabetes type 2 CAUSES people to be overweight not that it's caused BY people being overweight - strong genetic factors"

Genetics are definitely a large part of the picture. But what a huge amount of people don't know is that neither diabetes nor obesity cause the other - they are both a result of one thing and that is an insulin imbalance. Hyperinsulinaemia and insulin resistance (usually found together) are what cause people to put on excess weight, and will also cause diabetes where the person is susceptible.

But yeah, it's not the excess fat itself that causes diabetes, it's the high insulin levels in the body.

@JustLyra

You really do like telling people what to do and think *@Quincythequince*. It’s been quite something else on this thread

My second comment above is with regards to the comments on the VB thread! That may not have been obvious, as it’s two separate posts!

People are people so horrible about other women, but I can tell you what, from what I can see, the unpleasant comments generally (there and here) are coming from people who are unhappy about their own weight!

Just some Food for thought really (no pun intended all).

I'm invisible. Unless at a medical appointment and my weight is always brought up even if it's not relevant to the consultation

Though at work I've always been overweight or obese but it's never affected me professionally.

Yes, fat women get overlooked. I became invisible when I was fat. As much with other women as with men. Lost weight (still a bit overweight bit just a couple of pounds over top BMI) and noticed that people started 'seeing' me again. I find it really unnerving.

"Morbidly obese people have a life expectancy reduced by many many years and are far more likely to develop a range of health problems!"

Yes. Of course. But I didn't actually say anything about morbidly obese! I realise that there's a point at which a huge amount of excess weight is incredibly problematic - although I still maintain (from my limited, layman's understanding) that it's not necessarily the excess fat itself that causes the accompanying health issues, but more the metabolic imbalance that caused the weight gain in the first place...?

I'm not in any sense trying to stick up for people proclaiming "be as fat as you like, you can be perfectly healthy at 400lbs and don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise"... But I still think the overweight and obese BMI ranges are arbitrary and a little nonsensical.

My BMI is currently around 31, which is classed as obese - I don't have any massive health issues except Hashimoto's which I've had since I was a skinny kid and I don't think that's related to my weight. I've been massively overweight and very unhealthy, and I've obsessively dieted myself (unsustainably) into the healthy BMI range and quite honestly was still pretty unhealthy then too.
Now I try to focus more on being metabolically healthy rather than skinny (I do intermittent fasting, occasionally low carb) and my health markers are pretty darn good despite being technically about 50lbs overweight. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[quote Helpel]@Quincythequince yes the majority of the UK adult population are classed as overweight, but there are levels of overweight. A 5ft 5 woman weighing 11 stone might be technically overweight on her BMI, but she likely to be a size 12-14. I'd bet my bottom dollar there are plenty of those type of overweight people who are still looking down their noses at 15 stone size 20 people. So yeah in answer to your question, 'overweight' people definitely do judge 'more overweight' people.[/quote]
Yes! This! 👆🏼

If you say 70% of people are overweight that conjures up an image of vast amounts of visibly fat people... That just isn't the case, because of the stupid BMI system.

EishetChayil

When I was thin and conventionally attractive, I wasn't taken as seriously.”

Absolutely recognise this. I was a slim, beautiful, smart and capable young woman. Most men didn’t look beyond slim and beautiful. Used to drive me bloody nuts.

My husband of 34 years is obese, was when I met him. For some years, he was morbidly obese. Thankfully, because we love him very much and want him around fir as long as possible, he isn’t now because he understood our fears for his health and worked long and hard to address them.

He’ll always be fat, though. He’s the best human being I’ve ever known and anyone who dismisses anyone because they’re fat is an idiot , pure and simple.

I have read this thread and the Victoria Beckham one tonight and I still don't give a shit about how much anyone, man or woman, weighs. I honestly believe I am nice to everyone who is nice to me. I'm friends with, and have dated, fat people, thin people, and everything in between. I don't understand people's obsession with their own, and others, body size.

If you are feeling invisible, then I would gently suggest you are not feeling confident. Work on ways to boost your confidence, practise speaking out more, making jokes, giving compliments, sharing ideas, this will make people notice you more than being slim will.

I once explained this to the judgemental wanker I worked for. He was slagging off an extremely talented client of ours. She was challenging, buy very good at her job, totally committed, worked all hours. She was also morbidly obese, and he was saying she was "undisciplined" and "lazy". I eventually got across to him that just because someone is an emotional eater, the fact they happen to eat too much rather than too little (it's the same thing) doesn't make them a bad person.

@Cuddlemequick

I have read this thread and the Victoria Beckham one tonight and I still don't give a shit about how much anyone, man or woman, weighs. I honestly believe I am nice to everyone who is nice to me. I'm friends with, and have dated, fat people, thin people, and everything in between. I don't understand people's obsession with their own, and others, body size.

If you are feeling invisible, then I would gently suggest you are not feeling confident. Work on ways to boost your confidence, practise speaking out more, making jokes, giving compliments, sharing ideas, this will make people notice you more than being slim will.

Truly, it's not that simple. Who is going to start talking to people who have literally looked through them in the street, pushed past them as though they don't exist? This is what people mean, they are simply not seen. And why should the onus be on a person with a particular body size to become other people's entertainment just to be acknowledged? I am slim (now, and for now) and I don't ever have to make jokes and pay people compliments to be noticed. If and when I get fat again, I shouldn't need to either.

I recently lost 3 stones quite quickly, but did it doing lots of exercise so I am now slim and toned. I was not extremely obese, but I am short so 3 stones quite a lot. I have noticed how especially men look at me, smile and just act much more respectful and friendly around me. I haven’t noticed a difference with woman nor did I ever feel overlooked at work. It’s difficult to say how much is my “new” body and how much is me carrying myself differently and looking happier and more confident. I personally think most of it is new body to be honest. Shallow but true.

Absolutely agree, I've never been a skinny Minnie but have put a shed load of weight on recently and feel so frumpy and overlooked.
My confidence is at rock bottom so I don't mind being invisible for now...

I'm fat, and people always treat me as if I am stupid as a result. I'm loosing weight at the moment and this time I might actually reach a healthy weight so am interested to see if the way people treat me changes over time since I've been very overweight all my life.

I cant say about the others but I know that when my PCOS is acting up and I gain loads of weight almost overnight, my confidence plummets and I am not myself. I dont go dancing like before, I avoid going for walks and runs or to the gym, etc. I avoid doing things that I love.