AIBU to think that fat women are overlooked?

[Mylittleponyskinnyandbony]

I didn't use to be fat.
In my twenties I was slim - curvy but slim.
I could lie down and my stomach would dip in as I had so little fat on me.
Fast forward twenty years.
Add in three children.
Add in depression and emotional eating.
I'm fat. I get overlooked all the time in everyday life. I get judged all the time and not kindly neither. I look in the mirror and I'm the fat old dinner lady I used to make jokes about when I was younger. You get the picture. AIBU to think that fat women get overlooked - for promotion, for ideas, for their knowledge, for their hard work for everything they do. Just because they are fat. This post may read very bizarre if you aren't fat and once upon a time I would have eyerolled at this too. But now I'm writing it. So AIBU?

Well it kind of is Buttery!

Being obese isn’t healthy and even if you are a metabolically healthy obese person, you are extremely unlikely to remain that way.

The body of literature is increasing profoundly in this area to challenge the notion of ‘fat and happy so it’s all ok’.

I judge nobody for their weight, I work in this field and don’t think twice about it, but my very obese friend who is a size 28, is not easy to be around for many reasons! She knows this!

When it comes to making decisions regarding partners, long-term employment etc, I would say good health is key and one of many factors that we as animals, will judge!

There’s a lot of people feeling sorry for themselves on this thread!

People treat you the way you let yourself be treated, and if idiotic men make comments about being fat, tell them to fuck off!

There are more ow and ob men than there are women in this country btw!

For the op she says that she has depression.

Which affects how you perceive yourself and others.

How much of your negative perception is actually about your weight

@mumlikeaboss

One of the issues here is that the official definitions of 'overweight' and 'obese' are pretty meaningless. In fact the BMI scale used to be different and at some point it was arbitrarily decided that slimmer was better and the 'healthy' range got shifted to a lower range. Therefore, huge amounts of people are categorised as overweight when in fact they might be perfectly healthy at that weight. And quite honestly even being medically obese doesn't automatically mean you're unhealthy or need to do anything about it. It's just that authorities have slapped a label on a particular number and suddenly it's a negative thing that you get judged for.

I suggest you avail yourself of the literature in terms of increase level risk of developing a whole range of diseases, the more excess fat you have!

I work in this field!

Morbidly obese people have a life expectancy reduced by many many years and are far more likely to develop a range of health problems!

Your post is simply wrong!

I don't believe they are overlooked - at least I don't feel I am. I am morbidly obese, 256 lb, size 26. I work in the City, have a very well paid job which I enjoy, fairly frequently get spoken to by head hunters... it's how you act and whether you have confidence not your weight I think.

@Dishwashersaurous

I was wondering about whether negative perceptions of obesity are due to the health concern aspects

That has been proven to be utter tosh over and over and used as a veil to be a fatphobic trashbag.

No one walks around going 'Good golly, that person looks unhealthy, I am concerned for them.'

Are there negative connotations of obesity? Absolutely. None of them are about health. Why do you think fat models in gym gear still get bullied?

@TillyTopper

I don't believe they are overlooked - at least I don't feel I am. I am morbidly obese, 256 lb, size 26. I work in the City, have a very well paid job which I enjoy, fairly frequently get spoken to by head hunters... it's how you act and whether you have confidence not your weight I think.

This 👆🏻

You have no understanding of basic human behaviour!

Humans have developed a psyche which should help us rise above it, yes!

But don’t pretend you don’t get why a slimmer person in gym gear wouldn’t be perceived as more attractive.

The level of disillusionment here is astounding!

There is no excuse for being horrible to obese people at all, but honestly social media and the focus on looks generally, has a lot to answer to. It’s not just about weight!

That last post to buttery!

I was wondering about whether negative perceptions of obesity are due to the health concern aspects

I don't think when people overlook or treat you worse because you're fat that its because they're concerned about your health, no. Society is very fatphobic. And the answer that usually springs forth is "well don't be fat then". Oh ok, easy as that. I'll tell my depression and disordered eating to fuck off.

But don’t pretend you don’t get why a slimmer person in gym gear wouldn’t be perceived as more attractive.

Who cares about attractive? Id just like to not be treated worse than a slim person because I'm fat, as if being fat is a character flaw like being nasty, or selfish, or conceited.

We live in an obesogenic society!

The question shouldn’t be why are you so fat, it should be why are you so thin.

Basic human hard-wiring and behaviour hasn’t caught up with this yet!

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

But don’t pretend you don’t get why a slimmer person in gym gear wouldn’t be perceived as more attractive.

Who cares about attractive? Id just like to not be treated worse than a slim person because I'm fat, as if being fat is a character flaw like being nasty, or selfish, or conceited.

You shouldn’t be. I’ve never said you should.

My original point was to people who said they didn’t get why people found them more attractive when they were slimmer!

I prefer being big.

When I was thin and conventionally attractive, I wasn't taken as seriously.

Now I'm 5 stone heavier, no makeup, dress in mens shirts, people seem to respect me more.

It's sad, in a way.

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

But don’t pretend you don’t get why a slimmer person in gym gear wouldn’t be perceived as more attractive.

Who cares about attractive? Id just like to not be treated worse than a slim person because I'm fat, as if being fat is a character flaw like being nasty, or selfish, or conceited.

How do you know you’re being tested worse because you’re fat?

70% men are ow or on, 60% for women.

Statistically you are surrounded by more people
Of an unhealthy weight.

Are you saying only healthy weight people treat you badly?

On was meant to be ob (short for obese)

Tested = treated

Ive been both and noticed that it sorted people into two lots: those that treated me better when thin and those that treated me with respect regardless of my weight. This included multiple men who wouldn’t give me a second look when fat but were desperate to get in my knickers when thin. And my weight loss was significant but not so dramatic as to transform me as a person - I went from about BMI 28 to BMI 21. I find the different reactions an excellent way to sort the wheat from the chaff. I’ve gained it all back now and am happy to have a life filled with people who respect me regardless.

I also used to be slim and now very fat - twice my size. I get what you mean but I think its more our confidence has been knocked. We feel less confidence and that's what people pick up on not the fatness.

@TheGoldenWolfFleece
Who cares about attractive? Id just like to not be treated worse than a slim person because I'm fat, as if being fat is a character flaw like being nasty, or selfish, or conceited.

I think that some people do (wrongly) see being fat as a character flaw in that they think it shows a lack of self discipline. People who are both greedy and lazy.
Katie Hopkins certainly pushed this narrative.
I don’t know how we can address this.

It seems that the less a woman conforms to the aesthetic ideal of her society, the more likely she is to be undervalued and overlooked. Be it by virtue of her size, her maturity or her general 'prettiness', with each aesthetic 'failure' carrying its own set of judgements. There are environments where it happens less than others, but i think most women can identify with being treated differently, either better or worse, at some point on the basis of their appearance.

@Quincythequince yes the majority of the UK adult population are classed as overweight, but there are levels of overweight. A 5ft 5 woman weighing 11 stone might be technically overweight on her BMI, but she likely to be a size 12-14. I'd bet my bottom dollar there are plenty of those type of overweight people who are still looking down their noses at 15 stone size 20 people. So yeah in answer to your question, 'overweight' people definitely do judge 'more overweight' people.

I mean, there is actual research that proves that fat people are discriminated against, it's not a matter of opinion. We know it's true.

Also, it is not about how fat people carry themselves, you can't outrun fat phobia by being confident. That's actually a little victim blaming!

I was wondering about whether negative perceptions of obesity are due to the health concern aspects

Absolutely not. It is just "concern trolling". Literally nobody who makes negative comments about another persons' body is doing it because they are concerned.

@missperegrinespeculiar

I mean, there is actual research that proves that fat people are discriminated against, it's not a matter of opinion. We know it's true.

Also, it is not about how fat people carry themselves, you can't outrun fat phobia by being confident. That's actually a little victim blaming!

Exactly, I hate the “it’s just how you feel about yourself” “it’s just because you’re not confident” that isn’t actually true there is proven research that people treat slim people better than fat people

[quote Helpel]@Quincythequince yes the majority of the UK adult population are classed as overweight, but there are levels of overweight. A 5ft 5 woman weighing 11 stone might be technically overweight on her BMI, but she likely to be a size 12-14. I'd bet my bottom dollar there are plenty of those type of overweight people who are still looking down their noses at 15 stone size 20 people. So yeah in answer to your question, 'overweight' people definitely do judge 'more overweight' people.[/quote]
Yes helped, I know. I work in this field.

So what you’re saying is we have a bunch of unhealthy weight people, judging other unhealthy weight people?!

Can all you unhealthy weight people on here complaining about being judged, hand on heart, say you’ve never judged a fat person before?

Really??

Show me this research redcandyapple please?

So basically given that we are saying people judge fat people, even fat people do the judging, and lots of people posting here are ow or ob and are feeling judged, but are also likely to be judging, what’s the solution?