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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

297 replies

Tiffany80s · 30/01/2022 18:17

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

OP posts:
Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 30/01/2022 18:22

Yanbu

EllaMinnowPee · 30/01/2022 18:23

Impossible for anyone to say really.

So he's in a line of work where massages are commonplace? Would he normally not mention something like doing yoga or having a massage? Most people would as just a point of conversation

So it depends on a few factors. At face value, it sounds suspicious

Feedingthebirds1 · 30/01/2022 18:25

No, NBU to think there might be something else going on. It strikes me that your brother in law talking about doing yoga got filed in his head as a useful thing to say as a get out should he ever need it.

It might be innocent, but I wouldn't bet my house on it. Did you get chance to see any details of the payments? Date/time?

Jedsnewstar · 30/01/2022 18:25

It’s the hiding it and instant denial about the message. I’m confused about the yogi instructor, is it one on one, normally it is a class. If a class it would seem an odd message for the instructor to send one person.

Jedsnewstar · 30/01/2022 18:26

Yoga a yogi instructor I’m assuming teaches you to steal picnics. Lol

Tal45 · 30/01/2022 18:26

Phone the numbers and ask what they offer?

SarahBellam · 30/01/2022 18:28

Why wouldn’t he mention getting a massage? That’s really odd, unless the massage had a happy finish.

Original poster
Tiffany80s · 30/01/2022 18:29

In his line of work backache is not unusual, so it wouldn’t be strange to want to go for a massage.

There was one payment of £145 for the yoga Instructor and he said it was for a number of lessons. He said it was in a group but honestly I don’t know what to believe. He has been making himself busy with the children and avoiding me all day.

OP posts:
HTH1 · 30/01/2022 18:29

Agree this sounds very suspicious and digging needed. Phoning them is a good idea but you may need a better plan than asking what they do (brothels probably aren’t upfront about that kind of thing or say they offer regular massages as opposed to “massages”).

Tillymintpolo · 30/01/2022 18:30

Ring the numbers

TwoStepsOnWater · 30/01/2022 18:31

Ask him to show you some yoga moves?

IncompleteSenten · 30/01/2022 18:32

Tell him you fancy a massage yourself so you'll be calling her to book one.

HTH1 · 30/01/2022 18:32

Also look at the names the payments went to and do some digging online.

billy1966 · 30/01/2022 18:32

Yanbu.

My husband does both yoga and goes for sports massages....with a woman recommended to me, at my suggestion.

This is not unusual.

His lying would make me very pissed off.

VioletOcean · 30/01/2022 18:32

Do you both need to know each others every move of every second of the day. He gave you a reason that he didn’t tell you. Move on

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 18:32

I don’t think partners have to tell each other everything about their lives and I would understand him not telling you about going to yoga if you’ll tease him.

But what’s giving me red flags is that he seems to be admitting small things as he gets found out - you have to ask him and then he has an answer, which just seems a little suspect.

Obviously there’s not much you can do right now but I would keep an eye out for anymore suspicious behaviour.

SmolCat · 30/01/2022 18:33

I think you should call them too. But get your brother to so it’s coming from a male voice. Get him to say something vague like they were recommended to him and what are their prices.

It feels odd to me that a yoga instructor would message their clients. If they did it would be something mundane like ‘church hall is double booked, this weeks class is cancelled’.

DaisyStPatience · 30/01/2022 18:34

He's seeing escorts. You're welcome.

ZippyZap · 30/01/2022 18:35

Just ask him on the spot for the name of the yoga, the place and days and times... And for the massage and Google it to see if its legit.. When has he been having this for you not to notice?

HashtagSexy · 30/01/2022 18:35

Phone the numbers. From his phone. Find out who they are

TyrannosaurusRegina · 30/01/2022 18:37

"Fab, I think I should take up yoga, what's the number, I'll go phone right now". Don't give him a chance to give her a heads up so she can answer and fob you off. Do it there and then.

TokyoDreaming · 30/01/2022 18:39

He's fucking someone else.

TracyMosby · 30/01/2022 18:40

That is a weird secret to keep. Join him for the yoga.

Suzi888 · 30/01/2022 18:40

@DaisyStPatience

He's seeing escorts. You're welcome.
* I’m with this OP.

He’s having a happy ending.

Tillymintpolo · 30/01/2022 18:40

He’s clearly not going to yoga