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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

297 replies

Tiffany80s · 30/01/2022 18:17

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

OP posts:
DreamerSeven · 30/01/2022 18:40

Have you googled the numbers? Trust your instincts, it sounds odd from what you’ve described.

LittleKitten1 · 30/01/2022 18:42

Can he give some more information on when and where these sessions have been taking place?
Is it a weekly group? How many weeks? Does the payment match up. And is there definitely a class at that time and location.

CoopsMalloops · 30/01/2022 18:42

Archived messages in what’s app don’t show up
On the screen do they?

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 30/01/2022 18:45

This exact scenario was on a old RHOC series

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 30/01/2022 18:47

If indeed they are massages they’re not sports ones, and that’s a best case scenario imo. I wouldn’t be letting this one go op but maybe pretend you believe him while you do more digging into the payments. I’m sorry to say, from experience, there is very likely to be more to this than yoga.

Opus17 · 30/01/2022 18:48

I'd pop the number into Google with " " (e.g "080077777". If it's legit, the company will appear. Or call the number. Seems weird he's hiding it

gobbledygoook · 30/01/2022 18:58

@CoopsMalloops

Archived messages in what’s app don’t show up On the screen do they?
This is what I thought was odd! I've got archived chats that still get messages in (groups I can't leave without causing a fuss 😂) and no notifications come through to any screen at all.

I mean OP, you snooped - you obviously found something! But did you have reasons to snoop in the first place?

It sounds super suspicious. Normally on here I think people are OTT, but it sounds dodgy. I'd just suggest you want to go along to a session and see what is said!

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 30/01/2022 18:59

@DaisyStPatience

He's seeing escorts. You're welcome.
100%
WhyYesYABU · 30/01/2022 19:01

This sounds dodgy as hell. Ring the number and ask to join and see what she says...

I would also Google the number. My money is on sex workers.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 19:05

@DaisyStPatience

He's seeing escorts. You're welcome.
Yep. Sorry but this…
Samanabanana · 30/01/2022 19:05

My whatsapp archived messages move back into my inbox when someone messages

I would bet my bottom dollar that they're escorts due to the lying, sorry Flowers

Shiteshow100 · 30/01/2022 19:08

Yep sorry they are escorts. He's paying for services.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 30/01/2022 19:08

Screams escorts.

ThreeRingCircus · 30/01/2022 19:09

I agree that what makes this suspicious is the fact he hasn't mentioned it or provided all the info when you've asked. He's had an answer ready when you've asked a certain bit of information but his initial instinct was to deny knowledge of the massages.

On face value I'd say it definitely sounds like he's seeing escorts. I'd do some more digging if I were you.

OnaBegonia · 30/01/2022 19:10

Do you both need to know each others every move of every second of the day. He gave you a reason that he didn’t tell you. Move on
@VioletOcean
You don't think that it's odd he hasn't mentioned for the past 6 wks he's been going to yoga or having massages? Most partners share their lives, Id find it odd if mine failed to mention a new hobby.

NoSquirrels · 30/01/2022 19:13

Urgh.

It’s not yoga. No yoga instructor will message about “working you hard”. Absolutely not.

At the least it’s massages with happy endings.

Otherwise he’d have mentioned he needed a sports massage.

I’m sorry, OP. Flowers

Lucycantdance · 30/01/2022 19:13

Sorry OP Flowersbut this is so dodgy. The lying alone would be enough for me. You do need to follow up by searching the number.

Guacamole001 · 30/01/2022 19:14

Google the number. That said plenty of sports massage therapists help backs. Not unknown.

Cosmos123 · 30/01/2022 19:17

You need to ring the numbers and know for sure.

Otherwise it will just eat away at you.

Where are the lessons held?
Where is the sports massage clinic?

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 19:17

I too would google the number to put my mind at rest.

I wouldn’t go as far as asking to go with him though as he may think you’re accusing him of something.

Crystalvas · 30/01/2022 19:18

@Tiffany80s

In his line of work backache is not unusual, so it wouldn’t be strange to want to go for a massage.

There was one payment of £145 for the yoga Instructor and he said it was for a number of lessons. He said it was in a group but honestly I don’t know what to believe. He has been making himself busy with the children and avoiding me all day.

Theres a reason for that. Hes guilty of being up to no good. Donmt believe his bullshit.
Toasterandjam · 30/01/2022 19:18

I agree with the others. If he had said upfront what he was doing you wouldn't have been suss. He's given himself away. Men always drop themselves in it. Sorry OP

Cosmos123 · 30/01/2022 19:19

But money on escorts.
SorryFlowers

Littlepinkpeg · 30/01/2022 19:19

Haven't I read a thread on here this evening from the DPs point of view? Can't find it to link

ufucoffee · 30/01/2022 19:20

This was a storyline on the real housewives of Cheshire

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