Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

[Tiffany80s]

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

I did yoga in my thirties and the instructor definitely worked the whole group hard. I have heard similar comments from an aqua aerobics teacher.

@Guacamole001 I agree that there can be a lot of intensity in yoga- not all yoga is 'village hall yoga.'

If a fitness instructor says it to a whole group though, it doesn't have the potentially flirty connotation it has if they message specific individuals (especially someone of the opposite sex.)

Hi. Sorry that you find yourself in this situation. From what you have mentioned, normally people won't save phone numbers to not to disclose information.

I wonder if your husband doesn't want to say anything about what was going on is because he wasn't confident to talk to you about his health problems. Some people find themselves vulnerable if they are no more fit and healthy. They would feel the inferiority even around the family. I am only saying this because I have someone in the family like this.

However, please do contact the bank and ask them as if the payments are not recognised and they will let you know who they are if they are a company and all. On the other if it was just a cash out from ATM, it can be suspicious. And call the phone number that you found and find out who they are.

My love and support for you. Take care.

He’s paying someone for something. Ask him to show you the moves then. When is he going - look at the times he’s late home or is it during the day. It’s a simple conversation he could have had with you - he’s lying to you sadly for some reason.
Text the numbers and ask what they offer.

Google the number

If it is a genuine massage or Yoga instructor it will show on the search results.

It may also show if it is not any of the above too, and anything 'else'

I suspect you know this isn't great.. I'm so sorry.

I’d do the thing PP mentioned about getting a male friend to ring

That's dodgy as heck - I agree text the numbers and say you've been given number by a client and ask what services they offer. Did he even say where this yoga/massage was meant to be taking place? If he can''t give a location then the games up. If he can you can see if it's legit.

Even if it is legit yoga and massages it's just too weird not to mention it and would make me think he was getting a kick out of it for sexual reasons.

I think he's seeing a sex worker, sorry.
Ask him to show you some yoga moves lol

@JuergenSchwarzwald

I think he is lying too.

However, it's quite normal to archive chats on Whatsapp that you can't delete yourself from without causing offence. I have two groups muted and archived! That in itself is not the suspicious bit, the suspicious bit is the nature of the messages and the fact he looked guilty.

Archive and old chat or one you don't want to see isn't suspicious - archiving an on-going/active chat is

I have plenty of live chats that are archived, basically groups that I can not leave without being seen as rude, but don't really care what goes on in them! lol

I'd be concerned about STDs.

Could he be having an affair OP? With someone who charges for their services?

@LampLighter414

Could he be having an affair OP? With someone who charges for their services?

That’s not an affair!

It could be worth messaging. Something generic which would be ok to send to a yoga instructor or escort. Which may be a tad difficult.

Maybe…

Hello a friend recommended you. I was wondering if you could send me your price list?

I was thinking instead of ‘availability’ but you may get a response of sure it’s Wed, Thur etc which won’t tell you much of what is available. However it can start a dialogue. So maybe subbing price list for availability could be useful.

Be aware that an escort may be on the alert for angry wives/girlfriends and police so may see right through a message like this and lie.

Any update?

It's not a soap opera. The OP is under normal obligation to update us.

Still no update? Hoping for the best of course, that it really is yoga, just a very dedicated instructor!

I think OP said shes just going to ignore it and hope for the best...so i doubt she will be on to update

Wouldn’t a sex worked be paid in cash though?

Guess we will never know now.

@Lightning020

Guess we will never know now.

Damn it

My instinct is either escort or a massage/yoga instructor and the relationship has gotten too friendly hence his reaction.

But the fact he never mentioned it makes me feel like it might be an escort, to keep it secret from the start.