Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

[Tiffany80s]

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

He was just doing yoga but fancied her.
He was or had an affair with someone younger and she divorced him

My first thought was escorts too.

There are some fertile imaginations on here!

I just read this to my husband. First words - dodgy as hell. I asked him to elaborate and he said 3 things:
"Thought she would tease him? Is he 5?"
"I would mention that I had done something about my back because, you know, every day conversation"
"I'd talk about the other people at yoga or the personality of the sports masseuse - again, because we actually talk".

Oh and then he said he'd royally see his arse if it was the other way around and absolutely think I was up to something.

Sorry x
"

There's enough red flags here to make bunting

Even if the yoga thing is legit (one on one yoga is expensive I imagine, and some yoga teachers might talk that way (though I imagine most would try and keep it really professional so they don't get hastle- even
when I was doing reiki I had men ask if I did 'extras' .)

But I think you need to try and find out more about the massage thing @Tiffany80s . That sounds more shady, as he'd have no reason to hide getting a normal massage from you.

OP this is so suspicious! Of course there's every chance he could have been innocently going to yoga and getting massages, but an innocent person doesn't tend to hide those things. So I think most probably there is a lot more to this, and like other posters I do think escorts are a possibility as well.

I don’t begrudge my husband having massages or yoga classes. It was his reaction when asked about it. His face fell. He looked ashamed, caught out and his reaction didn’t fit what he says he did. A yoga class and massage is nothing to hide. That’s what has aroused my suspicion. At the same time maintaining it was all innocent. I thought we had a good relationship. Deep down I know what this might lead to and am really afraid to investigate further. I know I need to know. He works in in multiple places. The payments are to individuals rather than companies. Just feel a bit numb today.

I won’t dignify the real housewives comments- I don’t watch it and if the moderators feel there is anything odd I’m sure they will investigate further.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to respond. X

Well if you don’t trust him enough to be going through his phone and demanding to see his bank payments then your marriage is fucked anyway isn’t it

Easy to Google or call. Have you?

Apologies, I just saw your last post.

I understand why you are reluctant to pursue but can you handle the not knowing?

Sorry for you 😔

@WonderfulYou

Dominatrix my guess

I do love MN

My money is on this though. Do you really think he's practicing yoga??

It will take two seconds to google.

If it’s completely innocent then you’ve saved yourself a lot of sleepless nights.
If the numbers don’t shoe then you can decide what you want to do next.

Phone the number.

This is really fishy to me. Listen to your instinct, you are right to have doubt. Sorry ☹️.

@Tiffany80s ask him to tell you the road name where the yoga studio and the chiropractor clinic is. If he has nothing to tell you, he’ll be able to tell you without faltering, even if he can’t name the road he’ll be able to describe it. If he has to Google, he’s full of shit.

Nothing to hide* I mean.

@Tiffany80s

I don’t begrudge my husband having massages or yoga classes. It was his reaction when asked about it. His face fell. He looked ashamed, caught out and his reaction didn’t fit what he says he did. A yoga class and massage is nothing to hide. That’s what has aroused my suspicion. At the same time maintaining it was all innocent. I thought we had a good relationship. Deep down I know what this might lead to and am really afraid to investigate further. I know I need to know. He works in in multiple places. The payments are to individuals rather than companies. Just feel a bit numb today.

I won’t dignify the real housewives comments- I don’t watch it and if the moderators feel there is anything odd I’m sure they will investigate further.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to respond. X

phone the numbers and do it before he deletes everything.

he is seeing an escort, i would put money on it - sorry

I would type the number into Google if it doesn't come up with anything ring it. If you don't get anywhere with that straight up ask him for the details as someone has been asking for massage/yoga lessons so could you have them to pass on. His response will tell you all you need to know. Failing this I would straight up say you feel weird as he hid it from you so could he put your mind at rest. This sort of thing is awful I really feel for you.

A dominatrix might say they would work him harder next time. An escort most definitely not. A client sees an escort to relax. Not to be 'worked hard'.

How old are your children? Does he feel guilty about having time to himself if things are full time on at home? Or is money tight?

If your relationship is good I wouldn't automatically jump to conclusions but I might pry a little more.

Dodgy as fuck. Your husband is up to no good.

This all sounds very suspect to me. Are you sure he's not using hookers?

@DaisyStPatience. Unfortunately I think you are correct and the price seems about right too. I’m sorry at no point in yoga classes would a female yoga teacher send a message like that for fear of it being construed the wrong way by a partner— but an escort keeping tabs on her regulars would. I’m sorry OP, I would love it to be innocent but I don’t think it is— it would have been brought up in general conversation. Find a trusted guy to call the
Numbers

What an old (down face) dog