Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

[Tiffany80s]

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

Googled number. It was a mobile number. Nothing came up.

Another one who would put money on some kind of dominatrix situation.

Never met a yoga teacher who would say work you hard.

Why would he not mention this? When does he go? Where did he say he was going?

Do you have a male friend/family member you can confide in who would’ve willing to call the number on speaker and enquire about the services they provide? Or if you can face calling it yourself?

@Tiffany80s

Googled number. It was a mobile number. Nothing came up.

This is a terrible sign. No self-respecting business would fail to advertise online and the number would bring it up.

I am really sorry, OP. Awful.

You could even message them via text? I’d have to know and couldn’t let it go, I’m so sorry OP I hope it’s innocent

Call and ask "hi, I'm just enquiring about what services you offer"

I used to pay my yoga instructor for a block of 10 and to her personal bank account.

That said, the other behaviour is suspect. The reaction, the hiding it and the massages. Sorry OP but I think you are right to be concerned.

I’m sorry he has made you feel like this 💐 I remember the anxiety I got when I thought my DH was having an affair, I felt quite mentally unwell all of a sudden.
I would agree with trusting your gut.

And I know you almost don’t want to know but it will cause a total breakdown anyway if it doesn’t get sorted. I would try and be calm and tell him he’s got 5 minutes to tell you what these payments are for and tell the truth or you will be asking him when and where these classes are and you can check it out straight away and don’t him the opportunity to google in order to lie.

Oh dear! Female intuition! Listen to it and trust it! I am sorry, but your husband is lying out of his arse. Be strong xx

To be honest I asked my H about this and he said that even if that was the genuine case , he could understand why it would look suspicious and would want to prove it was innocent without getting angry

Don’t ring , text the number and ask what services they offer! Sorry but this does sound very dodgy especially with the secrecy, hiding of messages !!

I'd tell him you could do with some relaxation time and you'll join him at his next yoga class. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

I definitely think you should contact the number and maybe your bank regarding the accounts?

@Tiffany80s
If you have fb put the number in to the search bar and see if anything comes up.

All the best op

If it stinks like a fish....

Sorry OP, doesn't look good at all.

I'd do some digging before he can hide it!

Text the number to say you've been recommended and start a conversation about services , free slots etc

Think I'd try phoning the numbers. I just couldn't not know...

The fact that he’s been avoiding you today kind of says it all. He’s guilty of something.

Get yourself tested for STI's ASAP.

I would say “great idea, I fancy yoga too - please let me know where you go and I will book myself in for some sessions! Same for a massage - what a treat! Of your person is so good you have been six times, I will treat myself to the same person.”

I just googled my Pilates teachers mobile number to see what came up, it brought up her website and her fb. I would expect a yoga teacher’s number to do the same.

Name changed for this. I'm an ex sex worker. Full service and also massage with ending work.

This is what to do -

TEXT the numbers, do not call them yourself. If it's a sex worker they will freak out at a woman's voice and not pick up again.

Text this - "Could you remind me of your profile please? I have saved your number but can't get online yet. If you are available tomorrow at x time I'd like to make an appointment please? Thank you very much, (man's name)" (make it a few hours later or next day).

Many sex workers won't reply if you are in any way rude or vague or don't use please and thank yous etc. It's how we screen. They may not reply if they think someone is just calling round numbers and don't know who they are, but this is your best bet.

Did you try googling the number with +44 code instead?

Also, £145 is a weird price for sex work. It would usually be a round to £10 number.

It does sound like sex work though, sorry.