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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be SO annoyed at someone for calling me shy!

187 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 30/01/2022 16:04

It absolutely drives me crazy. I was recently at a birthday party for my reception child. One of the mums pointed out that I'm shy in the playground and it's just really annoyed me. Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am. But actually I make a conscious effort to not speak to this mum because She's an absolute gobs* so no it's not me being shy!!!!
Why do people think it is so appropriate to point out that somebody is shy. It really annoys me. If somebody is shy the last thing that they probably need to somebody pointing it out. I just think it's so annoying and I wish I had a really good comeback for it.
It's almost like they are pointing out that being shy of something that is negative or something to be embarrassed about when it isn't. It's just a type of personality and there is nothing wrong with it!!!

Rant over 🙈

OP posts:
anine · 30/01/2022 16:06

YANBU it's fucking rude!

Wisper1 · 30/01/2022 16:10

Grow up. She says you're shy, you admit you're shy. Is the problem that someone has spoken the truth? Some people seem go out of their way to look for something to complain about.

2pinkginsplease · 30/01/2022 16:13

She says you’re shy, you admit you are shy so I don’t see why you are so annoyed!

I don’t see being shy as a negative trait.

IhateJan22 · 30/01/2022 16:13

It’s implying there is something wrong with being shy!

Natty13 · 30/01/2022 16:14

Another one for grow up. I've been called both shy and outgoing. Couldn't care less, most of the time its just people trying to make conversation.

IhateJan22 · 30/01/2022 16:14

Posted to soon. I get it at times, it’s not that I’m shy as such it’s just that I have times when I don’t want to talk 🤷‍♀️

HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 16:15

@Wednesdayafternoon YANBU. Everyone is entitled to be a bit quiet if they so wish. Not everyone has to be a loud gobshite. How horrible, to make a point of saying you're SHY, like it's a fucking problem. Hmm

I HATE it when I watch something on TV like Coach Trip, Big Brother, Love Island etc, and the gobshites and loud obnoxious people are labelled as having BIG personalities. They have not got big personalities, they are just fucking LOUD, arrogant, and obnoxious.

Ignore people saying you need to grow up, and YABU. They are very likely the type who tell you that you are 'too quiet,' because they expect others to be loud and obnoxious like them!

DiddyHeck · 30/01/2022 16:15

One of the mums pointed out that I'm shy in the playground and it's just really annoyed me. Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am.

Eh? Why so much anger then? I mean rather than an eye roll at her rudeness?

ldontWanna · 30/01/2022 16:15

It depends exactly what and how it was said. It can definitely come across as sneery or patronising in an "awww " or "poor you" kinda way.

I'm not shy, but I'm a grumpy anti social cow so a lot of people think I am. Dunno if that's better or worse .Grin

Toanewstart22 · 30/01/2022 16:16

I love this…. You thinks she’s an “absolute gob shite”
And she thinks you’re “shy”

Grin

You clearly don’t get on. At all. So chill out and accept it as yet another reason you don’t like her

Scarby9 · 30/01/2022 16:16

I told someone that someone else was shy yesterday.
I was worried that, because of their shyness, they might not make a great first impression for a role they were up for. I let the potential employer know that, once the person gets to know people and relaxes, they would be great at the job.
I think it is okay to mention shyness.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/01/2022 16:16

If you were fat and someone came up to you and said you were fat would that be ok?

Of course not.

Its not a nice thing for them to do as it's very unlikely it's meant as a compliment. Being introverted is generally seen as a negative by a lot of people eg in interviews, team based activities, dating etc. If they were friends and it came up in conversation then ok, but to go up to a near stranger and point out something about their personality without being asked is plain rude

HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 16:16

@ldontWanna

It depends exactly what and how it was said. It can definitely come across as sneery or patronising in an "awww " or "poor you" kinda way.

I'm not shy, but I'm a grumpy anti social cow so a lot of people think I am. Dunno if that's better or worse .Grin

Exactly ... It IS sneery and patronising.
NuffSaidSam · 30/01/2022 16:17

Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am.

You don't sound ok with it. Why does it bother you so much if you're fine with being who you are?

Your reaction is what indicates there is something wrong with being shy, bit her saying 'she's shy'.

SecretaryOfNagriculture · 30/01/2022 16:17

She sounds like the type that doesn't realise people just don't want to talk to her because she's a stupid PIA.

HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 16:17

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

If you were fat and someone came up to you and said you were fat would that be ok?

Of course not.

Its not a nice thing for them to do as it's very unlikely it's meant as a compliment. Being introverted is generally seen as a negative by a lot of people eg in interviews, team based activities, dating etc. If they were friends and it came up in conversation then ok, but to go up to a near stranger and point out something about their personality without being asked is plain rude

Yes to this. It is NEVER meant as a compliment. Always as a put-down.
HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 16:18

@NuffSaidSam

Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am.

You don't sound ok with it. Why does it bother you so much if you're fine with being who you are?

Your reaction is what indicates there is something wrong with being shy, bit her saying 'she's shy'.

The OP IS fine as she is. It's others who are not.

And THAT is what's so annoying, the demanding to know why you are quiet!

Pegasussnail · 30/01/2022 16:18

You cant stand her but you are annoyed at her arrogance. I get it.

But she's going to be on the school yard for a good while yet so I would be polite. You could say you have a few close friends you are most comfortable with but that just gives her more to mouth about

(Ps I am more like you - empty vessels make the loudest noise they say)

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 30/01/2022 16:20

@Wisper1 @2pinkginsplease

The reason why I'm shy is being I don't have a lot of self confidence. Someone who doesn't have a lot of self confidence doesn't needs someone who doesn't know me putting me on the spot pointing it out. So I don't need to "grow up" as one of you out it... maybe you should with responses like that!

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 30/01/2022 16:21

I've stopped referring to myself as shy. I'm not shy. I'm introverted and that's not a bad thing.

All my life I was the shy one. The quiet one. The bookworm. As if it was a bad thing.

Saying I'm introverted has totally changed how I think about myself. I need more time to relax around new people, I don't need as much social interaction and I need time for myself.

TheAverageUser · 30/01/2022 16:22

YANBU it's clearly rude on her part. There's no reason to say it to you except to make you feel bad and her to feel better about herself.

When people say this they're hardly saying it as a compliment so I don't get why PP think it's an appropriate thing to say to someone you barely know.

EmmaH2022 · 30/01/2022 16:23

I get it, OP. I'm not sure if people like that are being nasty or just really thick.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 30/01/2022 16:23

@NuffSaidSam I am fine with going to school and making an effort to chat to others. I know I could be more confident but that's fine it's a work in progress. I don't need someone who doesn't know me to point this out.
People who are shy get comments like this all the time, at least I do. I make so much effort to push myself out of my comfort zones yet people still feel the need to point out my shyness. It's just unnecessary.

It would literally never occur to me to go up to somebody and say "oh wow you're really loud" or "you're so outspoken" or "do you ever stop speaking" so why is it so socially normal for people to point out when someone is quiet.

OP posts:
Roaringlogfire · 30/01/2022 16:25

Yanbu at all. Some people just love to put others down. It's the same as it being ok to call someone thin but never ok to say fat. How would they have reacted if you had said to them that they were so loud / in your face.
Just not necessary to draw attention to someone's shyness. I'm not shy but I would never draw attention to something that someone might feel awkward about.
Ignore the people who say grow up. They are clearly the play ground bullies who you identify as Gobshites.

truthfullylying · 30/01/2022 16:25

I agree that saying you are shy is rude. It is pretty much always rude to make personal remarks to people you don't know well.

However if you have little self-confidence, I would try to ignore the other person - just accept there are rude people in the world and try to work on your own self-confidence.

Have you ever read 'Quiet Girl in a Noisy World'? That is a nice book about quiet people. We have our strengths and will one day conquer the world Smile