To be SO annoyed at someone for calling me shy!

[Wednesdayafternoon]

It absolutely drives me crazy. I was recently at a birthday party for my reception child. One of the mums pointed out that I'm shy in the playground and it's just really annoyed me. Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am. But actually I make a conscious effort to not speak to this mum because She's an absolute gobs* so no it's not me being shy!!!!
Why do people think it is so appropriate to point out that somebody is shy. It really annoys me. If somebody is shy the last thing that they probably need to somebody pointing it out. I just think it's so annoying and I wish I had a really good comeback for it.
It's almost like they are pointing out that being shy of something that is negative or something to be embarrassed about when it isn't. It's just a type of personality and there is nothing wrong with it!!!

Rant over 🙈

Incredibly rude of her and I'm amazed by the "grow up" responses. It IS rude to make a personal comment on someone's character in a public place and when you don't know them very well.

You'd never say "Gosh, you're really overweight aren't you?" Or "I've noticed you're so loud in the playground" or "you always look half asleep on the school run." It's bloody weird to make a negative personal comment to someone when you don't know them. And calling another adult shy is never meant as a compliment so maybe the people telling you to grow up or that think there's nothing wrong with this should spend more time thinking about why they are so rude and trying to work on that.

@Saysama so after reading my response to the typical @you say your shy so what's the problem" what further would you like elaborating/disagree with because nobody has actually said that just repeated the same thing....
would you care to elaborate?

@MeSanniesareBrannies oh hello! "Literal jibberish"..... okaaayyyy 🙊😳

My question is, to the user who I had directed my question to, had pointed out that in the past I had not taken on board what people were saying hence why I kept having the same question asked to me, The typical question "you say you're shy so why are you bothered". Well I have given multiple perfectly good explanations to this point, yet not one single person who I directed my response to has asked me to elaborate or disagreed further with me. So it isn't clear to me and has become incredibly frustrating to me why I keep getting asked the same thing. If you or any others haven't understood my response to such question, then simply ask instead of asking the same question over and over again.

That ok?

YANBU at all OP

I never understand why people feel the need to tell someone they're shy? What are their reasons for doing this? What on earth do they expect the person to say back to them?

Similarly I don't think people should tell children they're "shy" either but there we go

“If you or any others haven't understood my response to such question, then simply ask instead of asking the same question over and over again.”

What does that even mean? Also:

Me: You claim that you think being shy is a perfectly fine personality trait (you loved it in your grandmother), but having said (perfectly fine) personality trait pointed out is apparently deeply frustrating and an insult not to be borne? Why?

@KedgeIsland: You just keep saying you don't like confrontation, and don't want to be rude, but I've never suggested you be rude or confrontational in response -- you sound as if you don't see any middle ground between suffering in silence at having something pointed out that you feel self-conscious about, and going on attack mode.

If this is something that happens frequently, and it really bothers you, then think about a neutral reply?

AND

But you've said you are shy -- are you saying that you are brave enough to say something back to people who remark on your shyness, and it's only other shy people who wouldn't be able to?

I think you're misunderstanding me, too -- I'm not in the least suggesting you be rude to this woman, but it's perfectly possible to say something neutral like 'Is that so?' or 'I wasn't aware that was how I came across' or 'I'm often preoccupied with X on the school run' or 'School playgrounds give me the creeps since my own schooldays.'

Just a few examples. There are more. You feel that your responses to the above addressed what was being said to you? Really?

@Saysama I just don't understand what you're asking of me and why you're sending me other peoples messages. I don't think you're understand my point either so I just respectfully don't want to continue chatting because frankly it is making me feel stressed.

The overall consensus on this thread is that she was being rude, and I agree. The further thread has gone on the more comfort ive had with how it's made me feel and reading others who have experienced the same.

To those who have resorted to name calling etc shame on you.

To those who have tried to give me advice, thank you.

To those who still think it's ok to call someone out for being shy, unprovoked... well maybe you should rethink that approach.

But the purpose of this thread for me is done now!

Dear Lord. Okay, then.

I dunno... if she'd called you a stuck-up cow would that have been better?

(spoiler.... it's not)

YANBU

I bloody hate this! 'You're so quiet' is the usual one I get.

Just what are they expecting for a response?

Some people say it is just making a conversation. Well, I can't think of a worse conversation opener.

Give me just about anything else - weather, what was on TV last night, what you had for dinner - and I will try my best to respond and engage.

But bringing up my 'flawed' quiet personality (as seen in out culture). How is that paving the way for a decent conversation?

Imagine if the quiet ones turned around one day and said to the noisy ones 'you're so loud! Turn it down!'

I hate it when people say "it's the quiet ones you have to watch"....Yeah ok.

HelloFrostyMorning
@Jedsnewstar
It’s not a positive character trait though. Sorry if that offends people but it just isn’t. It’s not the same as being quiet and reserved. That’s a personality trait. Shyness is symptom of low self esteem, that’s not something to be celebrated.

Being a loud and arrogant gobshite who likes the sound of their own voice, and demanding to know why other people aren't as obnoxious and loud as you is not a positive personality trait either.

If being shy is ok the why is OP so annoyed with being called it. I agree with her the playground person was rude to say it, because as I said it is not a positive thing to say about someone.

I also said being quiet and reserved is a positive trait and not once did I say being a loud gobshite was a great thing. Your assumption that someone who thinks being shy is not a good think is clearly a loudmouth is laughable really. I was actually terribly shy and worked hard to get over it, I still get told to ‘speak up’ all the time or that I’m ‘softly spoken’. It’s embarrassing so I work on that to, but that’s a harder nut to crack.

My Nanna was the most gentle, sweet lady I've ever known. Many may have thought she was shy, but I loved that about her.

I don’t get your point. She was gentle and sweet and I assume quiet and reserved which I said was a positive trait. You are implying that people would confuse this with her being shy, meaning she wasn’t actually shy.
If you had said my Nanna was shy I loved this about her then fine.