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Original poster

To be SO annoyed at someone for calling me shy!

187 replies

Wednesdayafternoon · 30/01/2022 16:04

It absolutely drives me crazy. I was recently at a birthday party for my reception child. One of the mums pointed out that I'm shy in the playground and it's just really annoyed me. Yeah I am quite shy but I'm okay with that and I don't mind I'm quite happy being who I am. But actually I make a conscious effort to not speak to this mum because She's an absolute gobs* so no it's not me being shy!!!!
Why do people think it is so appropriate to point out that somebody is shy. It really annoys me. If somebody is shy the last thing that they probably need to somebody pointing it out. I just think it's so annoying and I wish I had a really good comeback for it.
It's almost like they are pointing out that being shy of something that is negative or something to be embarrassed about when it isn't. It's just a type of personality and there is nothing wrong with it!!!

Rant over 🙈

OP posts:
Weirdwonders · 30/01/2022 21:47

It is rude. It’s a power thing. She’s assuming she can get away with commenting on your personality on public as she probably expects you won’t challenge her. There’s nothing wrong with being shy (I’m shy) but pointing it out to someone’s face is rude and is about as likely to make me warm to someone as it is if some bloke tells me to ‘cheer up love, might never happen’

Rosebel · 30/01/2022 21:49

What do you mean. Don't say to someone yes I am shy, what's your point?
What do you think I should say then?

lemongrasstea · 30/01/2022 22:08

Here's a comeback: 'empty vessels make the loudest noise' Grin

lemongrasstea · 30/01/2022 22:10

Or style it out, put a really puzzled look on your face and say 'oh, what makes you say that?' and stare at her, put her on the spot to start blabbering to explain it.

HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 23:31

@Yuckypretty

Just say "I'm only shy around people who I don't like."
Brilliant! Grin
JohnKettleyIsAWeatherMan · 30/01/2022 23:33

@TimeForTeaAndG

I've stopped referring to myself as shy. I'm not shy. I'm introverted and that's not a bad thing.

All my life I was the shy one. The quiet one. The bookworm. As if it was a bad thing.

Saying I'm introverted has totally changed how I think about myself. I need more time to relax around new people, I don't need as much social interaction and I need time for myself.

This is me to a T.
HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 23:34

@Jedsnewstar

It’s not a positive character trait though. Sorry if that offends people but it just isn’t. It’s not the same as being quiet and reserved. That’s a personality trait. Shyness is symptom of low self esteem, that’s not something to be celebrated.

Being a loud and arrogant gobshite who likes the sound of their own voice, and demanding to know why other people aren't as obnoxious and loud as you is not a positive personality trait either.

HTH.

Theblacksheepandme · 30/01/2022 23:46

HelloFrostyMorning
@Jedsnewstar
It’s not a positive character trait though. Sorry if that offends people but it just isn’t. It’s not the same as being quiet and reserved. That’s a personality trait. Shyness is symptom of low self esteem, that’s not something to be celebrated.

Being a loud and arrogant gobshite who likes the sound of their own voice, and demanding to know why other people aren't as obnoxious and loud as you is not a positive personality trait either.

I like your reply @HelloFrostyMorning.

TurquoiseDress · 30/01/2022 23:47

YANBU

I really don't see it as a compliment, there's no need for someone to say it

It really annoyed me when I was younger (at school/teens) when I was referred to as shy or quiet. Once I got into my twenties it really irritated & annoyed me!

Sometimes I'd be quiet at work due to a monster hangover (whoops!) and would quietly wish that colleagues would fuck off with the oooh you're quiet aren't you

Other times I could not be arsed to interact with that gobby annoying twat at work who talks so but actually says so very little

I know where you're coming from OP!

HelloFrostyMorning · 30/01/2022 23:54

@Theblacksheepandme

😘

surreygirl1987 · 31/01/2022 00:07

It is rude. I really hate it when people call my kids shy. 'Oh are you shy???'. They're 1 and 3 for God's sake. No need to give them a complex! I would describe myself as introverted and I'm okay with that. Shy has more negative connections though.

Rangoon · 31/01/2022 00:16

When I was growing up there was a difference between reserved and shy but it doesn't seem to be a thing any more. They are not the same thing. Just because you're not braying at all and sundry and making personal comments that could be seen as offensive doesn't mean you're shy.

Summerfun54321 · 31/01/2022 00:24

It’s so dated to call someone “shy”. It’s 2022 and people acknowledge that other people have feelings nowadays.

Clarefromwork · 31/01/2022 00:52

I think a lot of people see it as negative trait when they point it out.
I remember when I reached the end of my contract in one of my first office jobs, the manager pulled me aside and said “ you’re painfully shy” I didn’t really know what to say to be honest. I wanted to say yeah I haven't spoken to you a lot because you haven't really spoken to me or asked how I’m getting on etc but I have spoken to others and made a few good friends. It just made me feel so rubbish.

surreygirl1987 · 31/01/2022 00:57

Yes I agree it's dated. Although people still use the term a lot when speaking about younger children. I much prefer to be described as 'reserved' (I'm happy calling myself that).

tomorrowalready · 31/01/2022 01:01

This is something I have had since I was a small child. At that age I was bewildered and self conscious but did not have the language to define personal remark makers as rude . Still don't understand why some people do this but fully recognise it as their limitations in not being able to have a thought without it leaking out of their mouths. Sad but true.

lumpofcomfort · 31/01/2022 01:37

I would literally never occur to me to go up to somebody and say "oh wow you're really loud" or "you're so outspoken"

Quite, it would be considered rude. And the majority of people with any kind of social awareness would consider it rude and unnecessary to publicly point out that somebody is shy.

ABCDEFyou · 31/01/2022 02:00

I get this a lot. It's bad enough when people who don't you know well comment on you but my mother does this to me too. I've asked her to stop several times but the next gathering or birthday party she will introduce me to someone and then tell them I'm shy, and I get a few "awwww bless you" followed by an evening of l people trying to "bring me out of my shell"

Or she will start telling an anecdote, then tell me to repeat it to a room full of people and make comments on how shy I'm behaving, or tell me I'm blushing.

Marvellousmadness · 31/01/2022 03:10

So you admit you are shy
And she said you were

I really dont see the problem

LankylegsFromOz · 31/01/2022 04:59

I haven't read the comments, but maybe what she really wanted to point out was that you seem rude and stuck-up in the playground, but she wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt? 😉

wishtotravel · 31/01/2022 05:59

[quote Wednesdayafternoon]@NuffSaidSam I am fine with going to school and making an effort to chat to others. I know I could be more confident but that's fine it's a work in progress. I don't need someone who doesn't know me to point this out.
People who are shy get comments like this all the time, at least I do. I make so much effort to push myself out of my comfort zones yet people still feel the need to point out my shyness. It's just unnecessary.

It would literally never occur to me to go up to somebody and say "oh wow you're really loud" or "you're so outspoken" or "do you ever stop speaking" so why is it so socially normal for people to point out when someone is quiet.[/quote]
The thing is, and I 'm saying this nicely, of course you wouldn't think to go and say/ comment on someone's perceived personality, because, as you say yourself, you are shy. It doesn't come naturally to you to comment but from your OP we can tell that you think negatively about this person. If that other person is more outgoing it will be natural for them to communicate more. She didn't say you were boring, or stuck up or anything negative! You have difficulty in hearing the word shy because you perceive it as a criticism. Obviously there are circumstances where being shy makes things hard, so I understand why, but she didn't say you weren't a good person.
Personally I consider the adjective shy to be fairly neutral in everyday circumstances. It's not negative, just more a kind of saying this is how this person is, don't be offended if they are a little less chatty/ open than the average person, as a warning to not take it personally, especially if said by an outgoing person.

Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 31/01/2022 06:34

@LankylegsFromOz

I haven't read the comments, but maybe what she really wanted to point out was that you seem rude and stuck-up in the playground, but she wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt? 😉
That's a really rude stuck up comment tbh.

You literally know nothing about me to say that, how awful of you.

Don't feel it necessary to respond on my thread again thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wednesdayafternoon · 31/01/2022 06:34

@Marvellousmadness

So you admit you are shy And she said you were

I really dont see the problem

Read the thread please and you will see my explanation around this.
OP posts:
meloonhead · 31/01/2022 09:01

@Marvellousmadness

So you admit you are shy And she said you were

I really dont see the problem

So you admit that you are underweight* And she said you were

I really don't see the problem

*or any other trait that is perceived bad

meloonhead · 31/01/2022 09:05

@wishtotravel

Bad enough for a child, but calling an adult shy is definitely a criticism. Imagine your making an effort to make conversation and be outgoing and someone still says it. It's hard to understand if you haven't actually experienced but yes, it will make you feel boring and unlikeable.

How about people just learn to be polite rather than using their 'loudness' as an excuse for poor behaviour.